Don't Look Under the Bed

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MIDDLEBURG IS A:

MIDDLE-SIZE TOWN IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY.

BUT SOMETIMES, IN MY DREAMS,

IT FELT LIKE SOMEPLACE ELSE.

SOMEHOW FAMILIAR,

BUT ALSO VERY STRANGE.

MIDDLEBURG IS WHERE I LIVE,

AND SO DOES SOMETHING...ELSE.

SOME PEOPLE THOUGH MIDDLEBURG WAS DULL,

THAT NOTHING EVER

HAPPENED HERE.

WELL, THEY WERE VERY WRONG.

[ Alarm Beeps ]

FRANCIS?

FRANCIS, TIME TO

GET UP, HONEY.

FRANNY?

MY NAME IS FRANCIS

BACON McCAUSLAND.

I'M FOURTEEN YEARS OLD.

THAT MORNING I WAS

EXTREMELY TIRED.

IT'S SO DARK.

MUST BE A STORM FRONT MOVING IN.

NOT ACCORDING TO THE BAROMETER.

MAYBE IT'S THE

END OF THE WORLD.

IT SURE FEELS LIKE IT.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT THE

END OF THE WORLD FELT LIKE?

YOU'VE NEVER FELT I BEFORE, HAVE YOU?

MAYBE THE CLOCKS

ARE WRONG.

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL.

I ALWAYS SET OUR CLOCKS

BY THE NAVAL:

OBSERVATORY WEB SITE.

I'LL CHECK IT OUT.

BERT, TRASH, AND DON' FORGET THE PAPER.

WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO

TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE?

BECAUSE WITH AGE COMES

RESPONSIBILITY, BERT.

WHEN YOU GO TO COLLEGE,

YOUR SISTER, FRANCIS,

WILL TAKE THE TRASH OUT.

I WANNA GET A DOG, SO HE

COULD EAT THE GARBAGE,

AND HE COULD FETCH

THE NEWSPAPER.

DOGS HAVE GERMS.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH I WHEN YOU WENT TO COLLEGE?

THEY DON'T ALLOW DOGS

IN THE DORM ROOM.

MAYBE YOU COULD PU IT ON THE ROOF.

GET REAL, FRANCIS.

GROW UP, BERT.

GET A REAL GROWN-UP.

AW, JEEZ, WHA HAPPENED TO THE EGGS?

THERE WERE TWO DOZEN EGGS

IN THE FRIDGE LAST NIGHT.

NOW THERE AREN'T ANY.

COLD CEREAL AGAIN.

I DIDN'T DO

ANYTHING WITH 'EM.

NO ONE'S BLAMING

YOU, FRANCIS.

I'M THE ONE THEY

ALWAYS BLAME FOR

EVERYTHING.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU

HAVE SO MUCH PENT UP

AGGRESSION.

I DO NOT!

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO!

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOU AGGRESSION RIGHT NOW.

THAT'S WHAT FAMILY

TIME IS FOR.

NOW WE ARE SIMPLY

TRYING TO DETERMINE

WHAT HAS HAPPENED

TO THE EGGS.

IT'S 4:
23 AM.

THE CLOCKS SAY 7:23.

THE CLOCKS ARE WRONG.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE

END OF THE WORLD.

IT WAS HARD TO GE BACK TO SLEEP.

I KEPT WONDERING WHY ALL THE

CLOCKS HAD BEEN SPED UP.

BUT I KNEW THERE HAD TO

BE A LOGICAL EXPLANATION.

HEE HEE HEE.

THAT'S IT. COME HERE.

COME HERE. HA HA HA.

MOST KIDS MY AGE GO

TO MIDDLE SCHOOL,

BUT I SKIPPED A GRADE.

HI, BERT.

HEY.

YOU SHOULDN'T WASTE A

LOT OF TIME GROWING UP.

JO?

OH! HI.

HI.

SO, UM, WHY DON'T YOU WAN TO TAKE THE BUS TO SCHOOL?

JOANNE, NOBODY RIDES

THE BUS TO HIGH SCHOOL.

IT'S JUST FOR CHILDREN.

I WISH I COULD SKIP

A GRADE SO I COULD

GO TO HIGH SCHOOL.

BERT DOES HAVE ANOTHER YEAR

AFTER THIS, DOESN'T HE?

IF HE'S LUCKY.

WELL, WHY DO YOU CARE

WHEN BERT GRADUATES?

AHH...DID I TELL YOU

OUR ALARM CLOCKS

WENT OFF THREE HOURS

EARLY THIS MORNING?

REALLY?

YEP. AND MOM SAYS THE

NEIGHBOR'S CLOCKS WERE

WRONG TOO.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

WELL, YEAH. OUR CLOCKS

DID THE EXACT SAME THING.

THEY WERE ALL:

THREE HOURS EARLY.

IT'S SO WEIRD.

WELL, IT'S ONLY WEIRD

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE

A LOGICAL:

EXPLANATION FOR IT.

UH, WHY IS THA DOG ON THE ROOF?

[ Barking ]

NOW THAT'S WEIRD.

MAYBE IT WAS SOME KIND OF

MAGNETIC...YOU KNOW...LIKE...

LIKE A POWER SURGE.

WHY WOULD THAT MAKE

DOGS GET ON THE ROOF?

I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE

CLOCKS BEING WRONG.

GOOD MORNING, FRANCIS.

GOOD MORNING,

MR. KEPLER.

HE'S MY

BIOLOGY TEACHER.

HE REALLY LIKES ME.

DOES HE MAKE YOU CU UP FROGS AND STUFF?

THAT IS SO GROSS.

I LOVE BIOLOGY.

SEE, YESTERDAY WE

GOT TAKE THIS:

CHICKEN EMBRYO--

WHY IS THAT GUY:

STARING AT US?

WHAT...GUY?

[ School Bell Rings ]

WELL, WE WAS

JUST RIGHT THERE.

OK, FRANCIS.

I GOTTA GET GOING, BUT I'LL SEE

YOU HERE AFTER SCHOOL. OK?

OK.

AH, GORGEOUS.

THE EGG, OR OVUM,

MAY BE SURROUNDED BY AS MANY AS

THREE PROTECTIVE MEMBRANES.

HA HA HA HA HA!

HO HO HO HO! HEE HEE HEE HEE!

HUH?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

WHAT IS THIS?

THAT'S THE WONDER

OF THE EGG.

AND NOW, THE

SECONDARY MEMBRANE--

DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, FRANCIS?

ACTUALLY I DO, MR. KEPLER.

AHH, DID YOUR ALARM CLOCK GO OFF

THREE HOURS EARLY THIS MORNING?

HOW COULD YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, A LOT OF CLOCKS WERE WRONG.

AND, UH, SEE, I'VE BEEN TAKING

A STATISTICALLY ACCURATE

SAMPLING OF THE:

WHOLE SCHOOL,

GETTING NAMES, AND ADDRESSES,

AND PHONE NUMBERS--

YOU KNOW, TO SEE IF I ALL HAPPENED IN ONE AREA.

MAY I SEE:

THAT, PLEASE?

OH, YEAH.

WHO DID THIS?

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT THIS, FRANCIS?

HE WAS IN YOUR:

SCIENCE CLASS?

NOT REALLY IN:

THE CLASS,

HE WAS JUST SITTING

ON THE SHELF.

HE WAS WHAT?

OH, LOOK! THERE'S

ANOTHER ONE.

HOW'D YOU GET UP THERE IN

THE FIRST PLACE, CHARLIE?

THAT IS SO WEIRD.

WHAT IF A HELICOPTER

FLEW OVER SO LOW THA THE DOGS THOUGHT THEY

COULD CATCH IT,

AND CHASED IT RIGH UP THE ROOF?

THAT'S A LOGICAL

EXPLANATION, ISN'T IT?

SURE, JO.

HI, BERT.

WHATEVER.

HAVE YOU GOT A:

CRUSH ON BERT?

NO!

YES, YOU DO!

NO, I DON'T!

WELL, HE IS

KINDA CUTE.

WELL, YOU SHOULD SEE HIS ROOM.

IF YOU THINK DISSECTING

A FROG IS GROSS--

I THINK IT'S REALLY

BRAVE WHAT HE DID FOR

YOUR LITTLE BROTHER.

ALL HE HAD TO DO

WAS LIE THERE.

BUT I HEAR IT REALLY

HURTS WHEN THEY STICK

THOSE NEEDLES IN YOU.

IT MUST BE REALLY GREA TO SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

IT WAS THE DOCTORS WHO

SAVED DARWIN'S LIFE.

WELL, YOU BETTER

NOT TELL BER ANYTHING ABOUT ME

THINKING HE'S CUTE.

YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE I'M

GONNA SAY ANYTHING TO

BERT ABOUT ANYTHING.

PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

CROSS YOUR HEART AND HOPE TO

DIE. STICK A NEEDLE IN YOUR EYE.

GROW UP, JOANNE.

LOOK, I GOTTA GET TO

SWIMMING PRACTICE,

BUT I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OK.

OH, ARE YOU TRYING OUT FOR

THE HIGH SCHOOL TEAM?

THEY'RE ALL OLDER THAN I AM.

OH, IT DOESN' MATTER IN SWIMMING,

THAT JUST MEANS YOU'RE

MORE STREAMLINE.

BYE.

BYE.

ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?

YEAH, I'M

TALKING TO YOU.

YOU CAN SEE ME?

WELL, YEAH.

STRANGE THINGS WERE

HAPPENING THAT DAY.

ALL OVER MIDDLEBURG.

SOMEONE PUT A LITTLE GELATIN

IN THE SCHOOL SWIMMING POOL.

HELP!

HANG ON! I'LL

GET YOU OUT.

NOW, GRAB ONTO THIS.

A COLONY OF BEES COLONIZED

THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

( buzzing )

( screams )

SCHOOL BUSES DEVELOPED

UNEXPLAINED LEAKS.

AND THEN THERE WAS

THE GRAFFITI.

NOBODY KNEW WHO:

WAS RESPONSIBLE.

NOBODY KNEW WHO TO BLAME.

AW, YUK.

AW, NANOOK--

AAAHHHHHH!

FRANNY!

WHY'VE YOU ALWAYS GOT TO

BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING?

IT'S CALLED

INDUCTIVE LOGIC.

LOOK, IF YOU WANT EVERYBODY

TO KNOW YOU SKIPPED A GRADE

WHY DON'T YOU JUS WEAR A SIGN?

BERT?

SHE'S THE ONE THAT STARTED IT.

NO ONE BLAMING ANYONE, BERT,

FOR ANYTHING.

OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S JUST THAT STUDIES OF

VARIOUS CULTURES SHOW

THAT PRANKS LIKE THESE

ARE USUALLY THE WORK

OF ADOLESCENTS.

YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER

WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN--

YOU ROLLED A YARD

WITH TOILET PAPER.

WE WERE JUS DISCUSSING WHETHER ANY

OF THE KIDS AT SCHOOL

ARE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW, LIKE SETTING

THE CLOCKS FORWARD,

OR PUTTING SOMETHING IN

THE WATER AT THE POOL.

WHAT HAPPENED TO

ALL THE GELATIN?

HUH?

I WAS GOING TO MAKE MY WIGGLY

FRUIT THING FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

WELL, I DIDN'T TAKE IT.

WELL, NO ONE'S SAYING

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