Don't Think Twice Page #3

You and me?

You and me.

She's losing right now, right?

You have to put...

Bill! Bill, where were you?

Sorry I missed the show.

"Sorry."

"Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry I missed the show."

You don't wanna...

You don't wanna do that.

Just stop.

It's real, okay? Just stop.

You did it!

You did it. We did it.

My dad, he rode

his motorcycle home.

And, uh...

On the highway

this 18-Wheeler

kind of edged him off the highway,

and he hit the guardrail.

He's in the hospital. I gotta

take the train to see him.

- We're sorry. -I'll get my dad's car.

I'll drive you down there.

We'll all come.

I'm sorry.

What's going on?

Bill's dad had a motorcycle accident.

Some truck hit it.

He got hit.

We're gonna go to Philadelphia tomorrow.

I'll get my dad's car.

We actually have some news too.

We have...

We're auditioning on

Thursday for weekend live.

- Congrats, man.

- Thanks, man.

Weekend live, they came

to tonight's show?

Yeah.

Alicia and Hugh.

Motherfuck.

Sorry.

They're not gonna come again, right?

That's it. They might.

The theater's closing. Maybe

they'll wanna take another shot.

Maybe they'll come again, you know?

Probably not.

I'm sorry.

Do you know which bits

you're gonna do?

We just heard, like,

ten minutes ago, so...

You gotta do Alex Rodriguez

at the cell phone store.

I forgot all about that one.

Oh, my gosh.

You gotta do the rock when the

rock loses all the weight.

- Slim-fast rock. What did you call it?

- The pebble.

The pebble, right.

"Can you smell

what the pebble's cookin'?"

"Not much, and that's why

I lost the weight."

It's weird that they

didn't want me to audition.

In some ways, it makes sense.

It's like they don't want more generals.

They want infantry.

Yeah. Yeah.

When I did it, it was three

characters, three impersonations.

What I did... nobody cares, miles.

What are you doing, Sam?

I don't know yet.

Jack, what are you gonna do?

Oh, you should do uncle John.

What's that one?

"Okay, look.

Kids down there makin' noise.

Come down to the basement

half in the bag, talkin' 'bout,

'all you kids in the basement!

I ain't gonna have it

with none of you kids.

Y'all down here, you break

anything, you make any noise,

then there's the door.'"

okay. Then what?

The premise of the character

is that he points to the door?

"That's always the way he

exclamation-points the end of the sentence.

You kids out here makin' noise,

I don't want you in here,

breaking my antiques.

There's the door.

There's the door.

There's the door.

There's the door."

Uncle John, uncle John.

What?

I'm Bambi, and I don't

know where my mom is.

"You know what?

There's the Doe."

There's the Doe!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Uncle John, uncle John.

"Yeah. What's goin' on?"

I make pizza. I can find my sauce and

cheese, but I can't find the other part.

"It's right here, dude. There's...

the dough." There's the dough!

"There's the dough."

Kneading the dough!

Miles, it's weird when you do it.

"Go out the door."

We had to do an emergency

craniotomy to remove blood.

Your dad understands

what happened and where he is,

but he can't vocalize

more than a word or two.

We are past this point, trying to

remember when the turning point was,

but there actually was

a turning point.

We should head out.

We should head out.

I'll come visit again soon, dad.

Thank you.

You're welcome, dad.

Bye, Mr. Coughlin.

See you later, Mr. Coughlin.

Feel better, Mr. Coughlin.

See you soon.

Bye, Mr. Coughlin. We'll be back.

All right.

I know it's not about me,

but I don't want my dad to

die thinking I'm a failure.

You're not a failure, bill.

You're in the commune.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, bill,

I know it seems,

like, grim right now,

but, boy, he's really a fighter.

Yeah.

And there was that one moment

where he was like, "thank you."

And that was actually pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

He was really present.

Yeah, he was like,

"thank you."

Miles, that's wrong. You're

doing an impersonation?

It was more like,

"thank you."

Oh!

Oh, Lindsay, let me see your talent.

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

"Thank you."

No, that's Bob Dylan.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one

that should impersonate my dad

when he's basically in a coma.

- Mine was good though.

- Oh, god, miles.

It was pretty good, but it

was really inappropriate.

"Thank you."

There we go.

Yea!

"Hello. Hello.

My name is Liam Neeson.

If it's money

that you're looking for,

I've got none.

I've used all of it

the last six times

my daughter was taken.

I mean, didn't you find it

very easy to kidnap her?"

"No, you and I should sit.

You have to go over there.

God, are we glued here?

We're glued here."

Can't we have a stationary table?

Uh...

"Can't we get a table that

doesn't move?" Nobody answers!

"Nobody answers!

In this business."

that doesn't wobble here?

What?

"What?"

- Move the table aside.

- "What?"

I wanna put my feet on it.

"Feet on it.

Can't we get a stationary table?

Can't... can't we get

a stationar...

Nobody listens in this...

Nobody!"

"If one hair on her head

is harmed...

What, she's dead?

To be quite honest,

there's a bit of relief there."

So I was thinking about doing

Gena Rowlands... Yeah.

From a woman under

the influence as an umpire.

Okay. Well, that was obscure

in 1974, but okay.

"Pfft! Yeah.

Nick, you're out."

"What?

How could I be out?"

"You missed the base.

You're out. Pfft!"

"Missed the base? I didn't even

swing." "Rain delay! Pfft."

"I didn't swing

at the ball."

You have to do

the porches things too.

"P-o-r-c-h-e-s.

We have aluminum porches.

Enclosed por..."

"listen, Anne prima

Donna." "Yes, papa?"

"You're the prettiest girl

in Brooklyn.

If anyone tells you different, they're

outta their minds." "Oh, papa."

"Look at these lips.

Those are kissable lips."

"What could you do for my lips, papa?"

"I could do just about anything.

Let me check the lips first, and

we'll see what we're doing here.

Oh.

Mmm.

Boy, my daughter's

good at everything."

Just kid...

You trained her well.

All right.

We gotta get moving.

"Oh, but an elf has confused

my legs for trees

and sawed them off

for firewood."

I'm serious. Here we go.

Come on, Sam.

"Can't we just lie here in

the Meadow?" Come on, Sam.

"Yes, magical tree, we can

lie here in the Meadow

as long as that Meadow

is the train."

"Oh."

"Oh, here we are, magical..."

No, no, Jack, put me down.

We're going to...

I'm sorry...

I need time.

We don't have much time, hon.

But yours is at 4:00, and mine's at 4:15.

So I'll just meet you there.

I can wait if you

want me to stay with you.

"Just go, Jack.

I'll meet you there.

Don't worry about me."

It's better if I meet you there?

Honey, I got it. I'm good.

Welcome.

Can I see your I.D.?

Ray Romano

singing "happy birthday."

Hi. Sam Byrne, weekend live.

See some I.D.

Rath, it was unbelievable.

I killed it, man.

I absolutely crushed it!

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