Don't Think Twice Page #7

No. He's young.

Young? Fifteen? Illegal?

What kinda thing?

I can keep a secret.

The first thing I thought when I

found out was I can't keep it.

But then it hit me.

I'm not 19.

I gotta tell you something.

Yeah?

I didn't...

What-what is it?

I didn't go to

my weekend live audition.

I just didn't go.

Why?

I mean, why?

Why wouldn't you go?

I don't know. I freaked out.

I told you I would...

Life is so short, and you have to

do things that you believe in,

or what is the point of all of this?

Yeah.

And I watch that show,

and it's not for me.

I like my life how it is right now.

I like the commune.

I know, Sam. I know.

The day you guys asked me to join the

commune was the greatest day of my life.

It was the greatest day

of my life.

But, honey, you can't do

improv forever, okay?

It just...

It ends, all right?

And I don't want it to end either,

but it will. It just will.

We've gotta jump

to the next Lily pad.

But I like this Lily pad.

Honestly, you should be on this show.

You'd be better than me.

Okay?

Think if, uh, I invited the producers to

come to my improv show, they would come?

'Cause I just want 'em

to see Sam again.

Okay. I don't even wanna

go to your improv show.

The only universe

I see that happening in

is if you got the host to go,

then maybe they would tag along.

Zip! Zap! Zop!

Zip! Zap! Zop!

Zap! Zop! Zap!

Zop!

Wait. Where's miles?

He's in Naperville with Liz.

What are they doing?

The new guy

is sanding the walls.

- Who's the new tenant?

- Urban outfitters.

Placards.

Anyway, but it's a really

beautiful neighborhood

with great restaurants.

Zip! Zap! Zop!

Zip! Zap! Sorry.

We should get onstage.

All right.

You sure?

Got your back.

Got your back.

Got your back.

Got your back. Got

your back, buddy.

And we are the commune!

Has anyone had

a particularly hard day?

Do the ticket taker guy!

That's a character

that Jack played on TV, yeah.

Could we get

a different suggestion?

Weekend live!

That is...

That's the name of a television show.

You nailed that. Um...

Anything... anything else?

Ben stiller?

Ben stiller.

Ben stiller is a member of

tonight's audience, correct.

Yeah, I'm... not... yeah.

Um, anything about

a personal hard day?

Something that happened to you?

Uh...

Here, here!

I got a bushel of tickets!

I mean, there's no show,

but I got tickets!

I got tickets!

Holy mackerel, look at you!

Is that... is that... is that

Gena Rowlands, the actress?

Hey-hey-hey!

It's not.

I, uh... I'm just a regular

ticket-loving lady.

You're telling me you're

not Gena Rowlands, huh?

I'm telling you

I'm not Gena Rowlands.

This is my improv group. This is Ben, guys.

Hi. I'm Ben.

How's it going?

Hi.

Great show. Great show.

You guys were great.

- Really, really funny. -Oh, thanks,

but you don't have to say that.

No, I know

I don't have to say it.

- Right. Right.

- You guys were great.

I'm sorry. I have to ask.

I've always wondered.

When you wake up in the morning,

are you just like, "oh,

my god, I'm Ben stiller"?

Um... yeah. Probably in the same

way you wake up in the morning

and go, "I'm Allison."

In heavyweights and dodgeball

and reality bites,

you've never shied away from

playing an unlikable character.

Like, what... what gives

you that courage?

Um... wow.

You know, I never really thought

of myself as unlikable, but...

Oh, I didn't...

You're not.

No, no, no, I'm just saying

as the character obviously...

You know.

Did you think that the reality

bites guy was unlikable?

My question is, who wrote the Eddie

Munster sketch? Did you write it?

Uh, yeah, yeah,

with my buddy Jeff Kahn.

That's the best sketch.

That's such a long time ago.

I didn't think you were

unlikable in that...

oh, no, no, no. I know.

Is the bathroom right over here?

Yeah.

Be right back.

Guys. This is awesome.

It's great.

Please don't ask so many questions, okay?

This isn't 60 minutes.

Wow.

My students just arrived.

I see Gary and some

of the other guys.

- I'm gonna hang out with them.

- Why? Why?

'Cause I don't wanna

get scolded tonight.

I'm not gonna scold you.

Why? Was i... am I scolding?

I don't understand how I was...

was I scolding you guys?

Wait. Don't sit here.

Ben'll sit here.

Mm. No. No.

There are two types

of bad shows.

There's the type of bad show where

we sell each other out onstage...

And nobody hangs out afterwards,

and then there's

the type of bad show

where you all go down together,

and then you come to the bar

afterwards and you laugh about it.

That is the type of bad show

I want you to have.

Yeah, no, yeah, we do that all the time.

You gotta love each other, okay?

You gotta be willing

to be broke.

You gotta be willing to hit rock bottom.

Duh. Duh.

Together! Oh, we're

definitely broke.

We all share a one-bedroom in Bushwick.

It's terrible.

Way to own it, guys!

This is a game

called "blurt."

Pick one person. Say the first thing about

them that comes to your mind. Connor. Go.

Fat.

Dangerous.

A little slow. This

game hurts my feelings.

Twenty years from now, oceans are

gonna wipe out the eastern seaboard,

and no one's gonna care

who made what album,

whereas the beach boys

already had a 50-year run.

We're still talking about pet

sounds, and that came out in '67?

Nobody's talking

about pet sounds.

In 2050,

will people know who Drake is?

Once the eastern

seaboard's flooded,

are you gonna care

about the beach boys?

Yeah, more! Surfing songs

will be more relevant.

There'd be more

water surface area.

Yeah.

Uh, these are

some writing samples

from some of the improvisers

in my group,

and they're really

a talented bunch of guys.

I just wondered

if you wanted to look at 'em.

Jack, you should worry

about yourself.

Oh, okay.

I'm cutting you

from "jugglers with vertigo."

Oh. Okay.

You know, you're not

what we call a pure talent.

You're not a virtuoso.

You're the kind of player

who should write for himself.

And if I don't get it, then I'll

move to Naperville with you guys.

Miles. No.

You don't...

This... this isn't for you.

This is...

No, this is for me.

I'm just...

Will you give me a chance?

Come on.

If it's a boy,

we name him Rodrigo.

To respect his Brazilian roots.

Rodrigo.

Have an open mind.

I know when you look at me, I get

what you're seeing, but I'm also...

I want to think

that I can be better than that.

Tickets are now on sale

for our show this weekend

at the 45th street lounge.

Will Jack be there?

No, he has a show that night,

but this is kind of like

a test run for a longer run.

And if it goes well,

we'll have more shows,

and then Jack will

definitely be at those.

Oh.

You wouldn't "aw"

if you knew him better.

How much are tickets?

They're $45, but down the

road there may be discounts.

But don't wait

for "down the road," okay?

'Cause we don't know that there's

gonna be a road to go down.

So please come.

And that's more expensive than

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