Don't Think Twice Page #8

you're used to paying for our shows,

but, you know, we promise that

it'll be of a high quality,

and we're just trying to keep the

thing alive, so, uh, thanks.

Okay. Anybody had

a particularly hard day?

Yeah, we're sad Jack's not here.

Well, he was a very good man.

Loved him.

I loved him so much.

He died so young.

But not as young

as you think he is.

And he also had bad skin. Hmm.

I miss, um...

When you talked to him, he

would "uh-huh" and be there

and you could almost forget that he was

just waiting for you to stop talking

so he could talk.

Friends, I have terrible news.

Worse than Jack being dead?

Um, it turns out Jack

is really popular in heaven.

And, uh, his, uh...

His new friends

are having a funeral

for him there.

In heaven?

Uh, yeah, in Brooklyn.

And, uh, they have his body.

Bill, Allison:
What?

Yeah.

What's in this casket?

Ah, it's just his head shot.

Let me help you

with that there, honey.

Oh, you got a memento

from the theater there, huh?

Maybe I'll keep

the theater going somewhere.

Okay. I gotta...

I gotta go to work.

We've got "Scooby-doo

gets put down,"

"Kim JONG-un on

the bachelorette."

They're not getting on.

Is there anything from your live shows?

Any go-to characters you do?

All right, so we're in the red.

Live and learn.

You can keep that.

I heard from my guy at weekend

live about your writing sample.

It's not gonna happen

for you there, miles.

Did you talk to Bonnie? Yeah.

We didn't get it.

So all of us got rejected?

F***.

It's got two bedrooms,

a kitchen, beautiful bathroom.

Is that a toilet?

Well, obviously the bathroom

is in the kitchen.

Oh.

And then who are they?

Oh. Those are

two small orphans.

Hi.

Orphans?

The apartment comes

with these two orphans.

You can put a piece of

furniture in front of 'em.

Put 'em in a hamper.

He can't do that.

And does

the landlord mind if I paint?

We've been replaced

by Ben stiller.

F*** that!

I'm going to the party.

Hey, Jack!

Oh, excuse me.

One second.

Miles, what's going on?

What are you guys doing here?

We saw the show tonight.

One of those sketches

looked pretty familiar.

We can talk about this, but not right here.

Grab a drink.

Everything okay, Jack?

We're fine. We're good.

You're a f***ing thief!

Miles, you don't understand

how hard this job is, okay?

I have tried to sell you.

It is not easy.

Oh, my god!

Are you okay?

You're going outside.

Hey!

- Don't push me like that.

- What's going on?

What was that?

- Wow! Jesus! -Miles, that

wasn't the f***in' plan.

That's just how I felt. I'm sorry.

What the f***, miles?

What happened?

I stuck up for all of us.

And I'm going back in there!

You f***ing psycho!

Miles, just relax.

- Where were you?

- I was out here.

Doing what?

I didn't wanna embarrass myself

in front of my coworkers.

What does that mean?

I got the writing job

on weekend live.

Motherfuck!

They gave it to you?

You didn't even tell us you were

submitting. That's so weird.

We showed you our packet. And

you didn't even say a thing?

I didn't think I was gonna get

it, and I was embarrassed.

That is so shady. And you're not

even gonna last five minutes there.

'Cause you have no work ethic.

Bill's right.

You've taken nine years,

and you still haven't

finished your doodle book.

I think what kills me

is that you don't even know

what it's like to work.

You've had everything in your life

handed to you on a silver platter.

I didn't get handed this.

I turned in a writing

submission and it was good.

No one wants to say this, miles,

but you don't have it.

You were never inches away

from anything.

F*** you, Lindsay.

You won't, 'cause I'm not 22

and I'm not your student.

You gotta let go, miles.

All this weekend live sh*t

is meaningless.

You've got the commune.

We only got one more show.

I don't wanna do it alone.

Please welcome the commune!

Has anybody had

a particularly hard day?

Yeah. You have.

You're right.

You're right.

I have had a hard...

Month.

And I just feel like I'm...

I feel like I'm in a...

Guys!

I'm down here!

I'm in a well!

"Sam is in a well?

Oh, my god,

this is a disaster!"

"She's in a well.

What will we do?

She's in a well.

Oh, my god. It's so bad."

Guys, stop worrying

about me. I'm fine.

I... I actually kinda

like it down here.

It's quiet and it's cool.

There's... there's water.

Oh.

Ow.

Ow! Somebody

throwing pennies?

"I'm, uh, sorry, milady.

I was making a wish

for my dying aunt Fiona."

Oh.

That's a... that's an unplaceable

accent you've got there.

But if it's for your

sick aunt Fiona, please.

Is that my boyfriend Jack?

"Yeah. What do you need?

I'll get it for you."

No, I'm... I'm fine.

That's what I want you to

know is that I'm fine.

You don't have

to worry about me.

I'm not worried about you, honey.

I'm not worried at all.

I'm just...

I'm just here to support you.

Uh...

Hey.

What's going on?

Did you...

Did you, uh, fall in a well?

I did.

Ah, yes, that's...

Because that's... yes.

Uh, but you don't have

to worry about me,

because I like it down here.

No, I will not leave you, okay?

I'm lowering down the bucket.

Oh, you could never pull me up though.

I have very heavy bones.

I'm fully aware of that,

and i... and I took precautions.

Those magical beans sitting on the counter

this morning? They gave me super strength.

I'm so sorry to tell you, but those

were just black beans from Chipotle.

Right.

But the good thing is that...

That I hired a wizard,

who was surprisingly affordable,

and he cast a spell over those beans,

and now I have super strength.

I'm just saying, you know,

I am not gonna leave you.

Sam.

Honey.

Maybe I belong in the well.

I think we both know it's over.

It's okay.

Del close once said

watching great improv

is like watching people put the plane

together when they're already in the sky.

It's not meant to last,

except as an act of love.

It passes in a moment

and disappears.

Oh, my goodness!

Hello, hello!

Oh, my god.

Hi.

Oh, my gosh!

You're great!

Oh, don't cry.

He's sad!

Don't be sad!

He's sad!

You're in America.

Before weekend live and second

city and improv Olympic

and all the TV shows that came

out of these theater movements,

Viola Spolin

and Paul Sills and Del Close

and a bunch of people in Chicago and

San Francisco in the 1950s and '60s

created this art form.

My dad lived

one kind of lifestyle.

I live a very

different lifestyle.

He didn't always understand me,

but he always respected me.

I loved that about my dad.

The last six months,

I got to know my dad better than

the rest of our lives combined.

Listen. I'll be on the next

train home, all right?

It's not even gonna make dress,

so don't worry about it. Bye.

Hey, great service. Thank you so

much, father. That was great.

I missed just a tiny bit.

Thanks, buddy.

Wait. So who wins Jenga?

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Thanks for making it down.

I know it's not

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