Donovan's Reef

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- Is that the island of Haleakaloha?

- Yep.

- We ain't stopping, huh?

- Nope.

When I signed on, you promised

we'd be at Haleakaloha by the seventh.

Well, this is the seventh.

What do you know?

Me, Boats Gilhooley,

six hitches in Uncle Sam's navy

and here I get shanghaied, huh?

Imagine what they'll say at Pearl.

Yeah, when this news gets to Diego,

that'll be a little bit funny, I'll bet.

Yeah. Well, good thing I got

a sense of humour, huh?

Permission to leave the ship.

Man overboard!

Hey, I'll bring you before the mast!

I'll throw you in the brig,

you little mutineer!

Daddy!

Hi, Dad!

Dad!

- Hi, Pops! I caught a fish.

- Hi, Dad! Me, too.

- Sit down in the boat.

- Ho, ho.

Sister Anglique,

Sister Mary Margaret.

- Doc.

- Sailor.

Sister Anglique, would you accept

some nice fish from a sinner?

- Was that good or bad?

- Very good, Michael.

Thank you.

Get back in that boat, you little pirate.

Ready to take off, Doc?

- A few calls first.

- How long will you be gone?

A week, maybe two. Never know

what'll happen on the outer islands.

Look in on the kids occasionally.

Don't I always?

All right, Sam. Shove off.

To the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

From the Governor of Haleakaloha,

French Polynesia.

Subject:

Transfer.

My dear cousin,

Once again I appeal to you to be

rescued from this wretched island.

If you could see me living under

the most primitive conditions.

The food is deplorable.

The heat unbearable,

and the plumbing...

...huh,

the plumbing defies description.

How can one bathe

when there's no hot water?

Let's see, where was I?

Hot water, sir.

In conclusion, my dear cousin,

I respectfully request transfer to...

- Miami Beach?

- Splendid! Miami Beach.

Or possibly Hollywood, California.

Signed, Marquis

Andr de Lage, Baron de Fienna,

Officier de la Lgion d'Honneur,

Chevalier de Marche, so forth and so on.

Here we go.

- Uncle Andy!

- Mahalo Sam.

- Hi, Uncle Andy!

- Hi, Uncle Andy!

Hello, Andr.

How's the coffee holding out?

Right over there, help yourself.

- How was the fishing?

- I caught one...

- Luki!

- ...that big.

And to you, my dear Guns,

a very, very happy birthday.

- Birthday?

- You spoiled our surprise.

- And I baked a cake!

- With 100 candles.

- With 150!

- Oh, thanks, thanks.

Birthday! It's a real surprise.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

We'll have a nice quiet party tonight

and a big batch of lemon...

...ade.

- Gilhooley?

- Gilhooley.

Uncle Guns, please don't fight.

Don't spoil our party.

- You stay out of this.

- Go on, knock his block off!

I'll knock both of your blocks off.

Come on, you're going home.

Goodbye, Uncle Andy. Thanks.

Gilhooley! Gilhooley!

Come on, girls! Come on!

Aloha!

Oh, you lovely, lovely ladies!

Ah, the police. Well,

if it ain't my old pal Beau Geste.

- Your passport, Gilhooley.

- Naturally, and two bucks landing fee?

Hi, Padre. How's the roof

on the chapel holding up?

Gilhooley!

His first word and I am disarmed.

I have come to demand your

deportation, and you ask about the roof.

Why not? I paid for it, didn't I?

He gave the dough away, as usual.

And the chapel still leaks, as usual.

Even more, as usual.

But what could I do?

The hurricane had swept Rorangi.

There was great need.

But what is a roof against starvation?

Stop! Stop it!

Allez!

To the chapel with me.

Now, wait, Padre. You wouldn't want

me to catch a cold in a leaky chapel.

- Uncle Guns, you promised.

- Everything'll be all right, I swear.

Take the kids and practise the piano.

Get a good thick frosting on that cake.

Luki! Sally!

Donovan!

Guns!

- Where is he?

- Gone fishing.

- Hey, you got a new mirror!

- I figured it up once.

Counting all the broken mirrors, you

and Donovan got 63 years of bad luck.

Hey, that's mine.

It's busted.

That's still busted.

Come on.

- Where's Donovan keep his clothes?

- Same place.

Why not? The lug owes me one.

It's my birthday.

Pick out a nice black one.

One you could be buried in.

Tommy!

Fleur! Oh, baby!

Gangway, gangway. Come on.

Yeah, I know, Gilhooley.

Tommy,

you've come back to marry me.

You're the love of my life,

the only dame that meant anything

to me, but I already said...

...I got a wife in Hoboken.

And San Pedro and San Diego

and Norfolk, Virginia.

- You want me on a bigamy charge?

- Pardon me, Fleur.

Gilhooley, no trouble.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. My suit!

You want me to look like a bum?

I'm your guest.

22 years, huh, Boats? Great.

Pals, huh?

No fights.

Now, Guns, no fights?

22 years. Tradition. Legion.

- Legend.

- And the crowd?

Hey, Monk... Why don't you throw

that guy in the brig, in the hoosegow?

- I'm off duty.

- You're always off duty!

- Not the brandy, you dope!

- Sorry.

Watch his left, Tiger, watch his left!

Oh, no!

- Tommy!

- Oh, shut up!

They went that way.

Doctor!

Come on, knock it off, you two.

As you were.

You're worse than a couple of kids. As

you were. You're at attention, Gilhooley.

Now, what started this?

Being born on the same day?

Permission to speak.

What started it was

he pushed a hootchy-kootchy dancer

off on me in Panama.

Gilhooley!

Well, what's wrong with that?

Nothing, except a marriage licence

and a wedding ring went with it.

- Maybelle.

- What?

Pearl Harbor, sir. Dame named

Maybelle. M-A-Y-B-E-L-L-E.

- I never knew any Maybelle.

- Right, her name wasn't Maybelle.

That's enough!

It's obvious neither of you remembers

what started this ridiculous

annual birthday brawl.

- It'll come to me, sir.

- I'm sure. Get out of there!

- Cindy Lou?

- Betty.

Oh, sugar pie!

Here we are, the three of us, on one

of the most beautiful islands on Earth.

It's the birthday of two men

I'm proud to call my friends.

We've been through war together.

Bad and bloody days.

Now let's put an end to this fight.

Fleur, break out the beers.

All right, now shake hands.

Yeah, the Doc's a great guy.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday!

- Tommy!

- Happy birthday to you both.

Continue.

When there's dirt to be done,

you hire me.

If it's some simple honest matter,

you hire Pennyfeather,

Pennyfeather and Pennyfeather.

The fact of the matter is, with

the death of your great-aunt Priscilla,

this fellow out in the South Seas,

Doctor William Dedham,

your father, Miss Dedham...

I have never met my father. His

name is not mentioned in the family.

Be that as it may,

unless you can keep him from

inheriting this additional stock,

you'll find yourself mentioning

his name, and quite often,

'cause he'll be the big he-bull

in your shipping company.

I hope you ladies don't find

my language too colourful.

There's a clause in the will,

it's in many of these Boston wills,

although civilised people don't put

such drivel in wills any more.

It says if anyone can prove that

the heir is not of good moral character,

according to Boston standards,

he may be deprived of his inheritance.

Now, if this Doctor Dedham has been

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