Double Dynamite

He won't get that raise.

McKissack just can't turn him down

so close to Christmas.

Look, what do you see in that guy?

He's got about as much future

as a snowman:

That's opportunity knocking.

This may be your last chance

to go out with a Yale man...

...who's the son of the president and

founder of the California Fidelity Trust.

Please go away.

Twenty branches,

$ 10 million hanging from every branch.

- Bob, don't you ever give up?

- No, and I'm pretty too.

What a combination.

Money, rosy cheeks...

...money, flashing teeth...

...money, curly hair and money.

You see, Mr. McKissack,

with prices going up on everything, I...

- A recession is just around the corner.

- What?

I said, a recession

is just around the corner.

Just yesterday,

R.B. Pulsifer himself predicted it.

Uh, yes, I know. That's the reason

I thought it's time...

Dalton, how much business

went through your hands last month...

...at Window Number 4?

- Oh, about $300,000.

- Three hundred thousand dollars.

That's quite a responsibility.

Most young men would be proud

of being trusted with such a vast sum...

...but you're not satisfied.

But it's not the money

that goes through my hands...

...it's what sticks to them.

- After all, on 42.50 a week, I...

- Forty-two-fifty a week?

You're a single man, young,

in good health.

- You are in good health, aren't you?

- Yes, sir.

- Sleep well?

- Mm-hm.

You eat three wholesome meals a day...

...you sleep better than I do,

you have work that you respect and enjoy.

- I only eat three meals a day.

- But, Mr. McKissack...

And I can't wear

more than one suit at a time.

And I don't mind telling you

that you got a suit on there...

...that looks a good deal

better than mine.

Haven't been on a buying spree,

have you?

I haven't been buying anything.

That's just the point.

I'd like to be able to buy things

now and then.

- What sort of things?

- Oh, things, to use.

After all,

I've been with the bank a long time now.

- And I'd like to get married too.

- Married?

On 42.50 a week?

Dalton, that doesn't make sense.

Oh, gee, Johnny, look at that kitchen.

Isn't it dreamy?

We better get lunch and hurry back...

...or we'll be dreaming up

a couple of new jobs.

Johnny, we could get a dime-store

wedding ring and get the furniture instead.

For a little over a thousand dollars...

...we could completely furnish an apartment

with rugs and draperies and everything.

Mibs.

We'd only have to pay a third down.

Oh, Johnny, look.

Two can live as cheaply as one.

In these times, honey,

one can't live as cheaply as one.

I love you, Mibs.

But a happy marriage

is based on security and a future.

And if we did get married,

how would we manage? I have nothing.

- How would we live?

- I'm sure something would come along.

Yeah, then we'd have to feed that too.

It's no use, Mibs. Without that raise,

we'll never have enough to get married on.

Darling, it isn't the end of the world.

Look, the sun's still up there,

big as life and twice as happy.

Sure. He doesn't work for the Friendly Bank,

and McKissack isn't his boss.

Oh, I'm so confused,

I don't know what to do.

- Why don't you rob the bank?

- Now, that's an idea, Emil.

Sure. I'll rob the bank,

and when they discover I'm gone...

...they'll leave a light burning

in my teller's window.

Take the case of Sam Schlemmer,

alias Benny the Beetle.

He wanted to get married

but had no money.

He stuck up the Chicago Merchants' Trust,

stashed away the loot and took his rap.

That was April 3rd, 1903. When he

got out of jail, his girl was waiting.

They left on their honeymoon.

- How long did she have to wait?

- Only 33 years.

- Some honeymoon.

- Can't have everything.

- I think that's a beautiful story, Emil.

Thank you, Mildred.

Incidentally, Johnny,

may I talk to you alone?

No. You still haven't paid me back

the 5 I loaned you last week.

Don't be too hasty. This is a sure thing.

I've got a horse going in the third so fast

that he'll win the second.

- No.

- He doesn't trust me.

I don't approve of betting on horses.

You don't approve of lots of things,

but lots of people do them.

We don't have much time.

Would you snap it up

and get me the merchant's lunch?

Typical bank clerk. No real merchant

ever ordered the merchant's lunch.

I've been telling you for years,

you've gotta learn to enjoy life.

Live dangerously.

I'll get you the pickled pig's feet.

I hate pickled pig feet.

- These have all had pedicures.

- The merchant's lunch.

No daring.

No imagination.

Typical bank clerk.

Mildred here, she's an adventurer.

- She loves pickled pigs' feet.

- The merchant's lunch.

- What's the matter? The wedding off again?

- Will you please get us the lunch?

- You're not getting any younger, you know.

- Our lunch, Emil.

And neither are you.

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may

Old time is still a-flying:

And this same flower that smiles today

Tomorrow will be dying.

Then be not coy, but use your time

And while ye may, go marry.

For having lost but once your prime

You may for ever tarry.

Robert Herrick, 1583.

Do we have to have poetry?

Why not? It goes with the lunch.

- What a character.

- He makes sense, though.

- Johnny?

- Yeah?

Have you ever thought about

what's gonna happen to you? To us?

- Are we just gonna go on and on and on?

- Who said we're just gonna go on and on?

Mibs, do you think I enjoy

handing out money to other people...

...and then spending all afternoon adding up

how much I handed out all morning?

I hate banking. I hate figures.

I hate addition and subtraction.

And I hate being an old maid.

Oh, baby.

I wish we could get married today...

...but without that raise, it...

Well, look, our combined

gross annual income is $4212.25.

Before taxes.

You have it all figured out to the penny,

haven't you?

You've got your whole life planned

like a bank statement.

My father got married

when he was only making $ 18 a week.

And steak was 9 cents a pound.

No, baby, it won't work.

It's too much of a gamble.

Well, what's wrong with gambling?

That kind?

What's wrong with taking a chance

and getting married...

...just because you love somebody

so much...?

What would we use for money?

You'll get lucky, Johnny.

Look at my uncle Julius.

He got married a pauper. Overnight,

he made a fortune in the lumber business.

- Overnight?

- They discovered trees on his property.

Emil, they want you in the kitchen.

Somebody must want you.

If you were half the man she thinks you are,

you'd marry this lovely girl right now.

Even if you had to live in a tree.

Remember, Johnny, a man in love

is never afraid to take the long chance.

The trouble with you

is you don't really love Mildred at all.

Maybe that is it.

Would a man who loved you

eat like that at a time like this?

No.

- I'm hungry. Is that such a crime?

A man who loved you,

like Sam Schlemmer...

...would rob for you, steal for you,

murder for you.

- Live in a tree for me.

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