Doug's 1st Movie

Season #1 Episode #1

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(Black screen and fades in to see all of Bluffington, the camera moves from the houses, to Funkytown and the lake. We then see Roger and his gang sitting on a fishing dock, fishing.)

Ned:
Oh man!

Boomer:
I’m freezing!

Willy:
Say Rog, do you really think this is such a g-g-g-good day to go f-f-f-f-f-fishing?

Roger:
Maybe you guys would rather go home and cut Valentines out of construction paper and doilies?

Boomer:
Well yeah!

Ned:
Sounds enjoyable Rog!

Willy:
I’ll make hot chocolate!

Roger:
Let’s go over this one more time. We’re not here for fish you goons. We’re here to bag a couple of losers! Oh can it, here they come! DOUG: 145 hours, 38 min.

SKEETER:
You’re not counting down to that Valentines dance again, are you man?

DOUG:
No! (pauses) Yes.

ROGER:
Hey! Are you doofuses still hunting for that lake monster?

DOUG:
Yes! Except for the part about being doofuses.

SKEETER:

When Doug and I get our monster picture Roger, you’ll see!

ROGER:

Hey, I know where you can find a whole bunch of monster pictures!

DOUG & SKEETER

Huh?

ROGER:

You’re family album! (gang laughs)

BOOMER:

Good one!

NED:

Family album.

WILLY:

I don’t get it.

SKEETER:

Go ahead and laugh Roger, we’re gonna find that monster!

ROGER:

He, he, he, sooner than you think!

(All laugh. Willy and Ned, nudge Boomer)

BOOMER:

Hey, what are we all nudging each other for?

ROGER:

You’re pushing my buttons, Bledsoe. Let’s get going. Move it, move it.

(Roger and gang leave the fishing dock and camera pans down to the lake surface, bubbles surface and pop, we then see Skeeter and Doug walking through the forest)

DOUG:

I wonder if I need some new shoes.

SKEETER:

Yeah, something fast, in case we get chased by that monster.

DOUG:

No, for the dance.

SKEETER:

Oh, whoops, what the-. We better leave the bikes here.

DOUG:

I guess I could wear these ones. I don’t want to look too “Hey I’m wearing new shoes” at least not-

SKEETER:

Shhhhh!

(Ned’s giggling is heard in the distance)

SKEETER:

You hear that?

DOUG:

Yeah, I’ll go this way, you go that way.

SKEETER:

OK.

ROGER:

Spread out!

BOOMER:

Gee Roger, don’t you think this is kinda mean?

ROGER:

How many times do I gotta explain that it’s unhealthy for me to bottle up my natural child like spontaneity. Do you want me to get an ulcer?

NED:

A dude’s gotta keep his chi flowin’ man.

ROGER:

Exactly. You want to stay healthy, you gotta keep in balance with nature. Now let’s go scare the who-ha out of blue boy.

DOUG:

Hold it monster. You’re not going anywhere.

ROGER:

Yeah? Who’s gonna stop us Funnie?

DOUG:

Uh…um

(cut to see Doug’s clothes high up in tree, we see Doug is in his underwear trying to reach his clothes.)

DOUG:

Man!

(cuts to Skeeter)

SKEETER:

Hmmm, never been here before. What a mess, eww.

(swamp bubbles pop)

SKEETER:

Whoa! C-c-c-camera. Oh man where is it? It’s in here somewhere.

(Finds camera goes in ready position, Roger comes out from behind a bush)

ROGER:

(growls)

SKEETER:

Huh? (screams)

(camera flashes)

ROGER:

Oh, my eyes!

(Roger and gang fall to ground, boys arguing)

SKEETER:

Very funny you guys, hardy har, oh very believable too, did you rent it or did you make it your self. Well you had your fun now you can go home.

(Monster (Herman) creeps up behind Skeeter, Roger and gang see it)

GANG:

(gasp)

SKEETER:

Roger?

ROGER:

Mon- Mon-

SKEETER:

Roger? There’s something bad behind me isn’t

there?

(Roger and gang run away, Skeeter turns around is very scared, drops camera, it flashes when it hits the ground)

SKEETER:

Ahhhh!

(goes black, Doug opens door and Porkchop barks, lights flip on)

DOUG:

Roll it Porkchop!

(Doug theme kicks in, then title appears)

DOUG:

That’s me!

DOUG:

Porkchop (Porkchop makes shadow puppets).

(annoyed) Porkchop! (Doug screams and shadow growls).

(Goes black, Doug’s house then appears, shows Doug in his room writing in his journal.)

DOUG:
(narrating)

Dear Journal, it’s me Doug Funnie. I’ve lived at 21 Jumbo Street for the last year and a half and I’ve seen a lot of weird things. But what happened last week was probably the weirdest. I guess it all started right before Valentines Day. That means at school people have just one thing on their mind.

BEEBE:

A Valentine’s dance! Let’s go shopping.

AV NERD #1

Aww, isn’t it romantic?

ELMO:

A Valentine’s dance, how delightful.

CHALKY:

A Valentines-!

LARRY:

A Valentines-

CONNIE:

Dance?

SKEETER:

The monster! I finally found it!

CLASSMATES:

Shhhhh!

(Goes to Doug in history class.)

DOUG N.

Well almost everybody was talking about the Valentines Day dance. It was all I was thinking about.

MR. MAYONNAISE

Can anyone tell me how Ancient Egypt ultimately became a Roman province. (Patti raises her hand)

DOUG N.

Well and one other thing too!

MR. MAYONNASIE

Miss Mayonnaise.

PATTI:

It was Mark Antoni’s eternal love for Cleopatra that inspired the great battle of Actium...

(Doug recalls memories with Patti.)

DOUG N.

There’s only been one Valentine for me. One person who I’ve shared my happiest moments with. And a couple not so happy ones. We’ve gone through the same hard-ships. Like my sister Judy.

JUDY:

Leonardo, Mona, you’re supposed to be 16th Century lovers. Now kiss her like you mean it.

(memories fade, shows the school cafeteria, Doug is in line for food.)

DOUG N.

For all those reasons, I knew I had to find a way to make this dance really perfect.

BEEBE:

This dance is gonna really stink.

DOUG:

Huh? How can it stink?

CONNIE The student council’s supposed to pick to people to co-ordinate the dance, but nobody signed up.

BEEBE:

People are soooo selfish. Sure, everybody wants to go to the dance. But to they want to lift a finger to help? Noooooo.

DOUG:

Why don’t you help Beebe?

BEEBE:

You expect me, to put my mouth on balloons? Touch streamers? Ugh, no way.

CONNIE:

We have less than a week left. Who ever we get is gonna have to work day and night to get ready.

DOUG:

Day and night?

(A daydream begins, Doug and Patti are planning the dance with figures like you would for war.)

DOUG:

Right, pay close attention Miss. Mayonnaise. We mass the streamers over here. Flank with the punch bowl maneuver the record player into position and we hit ‘em right in the middle with a big heart shaped mirror ball. Bang!

PATTI:

Oh Doug, you’re so “dance plannery”.

DOUG:

(clears throat) Indeed. Still it’s not quite there. We need something- a theme!

PATTI:

How about something simple like “true love”.

DOUG:

(gulp) True l-l-love?

PATTI:

True love! You know, when two people love each other…truly!

DOUG:

Oh that true love! (nervous laugh)

(daydream ends)

DOUG:

I know two people perfect for the job Beebe!

(cuts to show Doug and Patti sitting at a table)

PATTI:

Do you really think I’d be good at organizing a dance? I’ve never done anything like that.

DOUG:

I think you’d be great at whatever you wanted to do Patti. I think if you worked on this dance, it would be the best dance ever!

PATTI:

Really? (cut to them in the hallway, newspaper office door, ready to sign up) Not much competition, looks like I’m the only one crazy enough to - (door opens, Guy enters)

GUY:

OK people work, work, work. I’m outta here. (bumps into Patti)

PATTI:

Whoa ahhh!

GUY:

Hey why don’t you watch where- oh hey, looking for me?

DOUG:

Not exact-

GUY:

I think I know. Heart day just around the corner. Do you want to talk in “priveto”?

PATTI:

Guy, I’m here to sign up to work on the dance.

GUY:

What? That dinky lower-grade dance. Look, I got a dozen better ideas kiddo. Instead of hanging out with a bunch of babies you can trade candies with me! Scoot the boot with ‘ya with the upper crowd! What do you say?

DOUG:

(annoyed) Guy?

GUY:

Can’t you see I’m talking to someone? Time to grab your opportunities before they grab someone else, if ‘ya get me, tick tock tick tock (buzzer sound) contestant your answer please.

PATTI:

Thanks anyway Guy but I’m going to the dance. I may even be working on it.

GUY:

Oh whatever sands your wood, don’t say I didn’t offer. I’m outta here! (leaves but comes back) Last chance to change your mind.

PATTI:

Goodbye Guy. (Guy leaves)

DOUG:

That, G- Guy!

(Patti writes her name on the sign up sheet)

PATTI:

There.

MR. MAYONNAISE

Hey Patti! Can you help me get this stuff to the car?

PATTI:

Sure Daddy. See ‘ya Doug.

(Doug signs his name)

DOUG N.

This was going to be the perfect surprise. I knew Patti and I were just the team to make the coolest dance ever.

(cuts to the football field outside the school, Roger and gang are sitting on the bleachers.)

NED:

I don’t know about you, but I’m still scared man.

ROGER:

This is terrible, I thought that lake thing was going to kill me.

BOOMER:

It must have thought we were trying to attack Valentine.

NED:

Yeah, it was protecting him.

WILLY:

Duh, Valentine’s gotta monster on his side.

ROGER:

A monster? On his side? Oh! (in a daydream) Hey, Valentine! Is that a nose or a ski slope? (starts laughing, Skeeter whistles and we see a monster's foot stomp on Roger).

NED:

Rog, you okay?

WILLY:

I think his brain vapor locked!

NED:

Stand back! (throws a drink in Roger’s face, Roger sputters and coughs)

ROGER:

What the?

NED:

His idea.

ROGER:

Why you, I oughta - aha!

WILLY:

Uh, Rog.

ROGER:

Shhhhh. I think I’m getting an idea!

BOOMER:

How can you tell?

NED:

What does it feel like?

WILLY:

Duh, maybe it’s gas.

ROGER:

Just wait, it’s gonna to be the biggest thing to ever hit this town!

ROGER’S GANG

Again?

(scene goes to Skeeter and Doug in the mall)

DOUG:

I can’t believe your camera went off when it hit the ground!

SKEETER:

Yeah maybe I got a picture of the monster!

(Beebe comes out of a store with her dad)

BEEBE:

Oh Doug! I want to thank you, you saved the dance!

BILL BLUFF:

Where are ‘ya honey bunch? Whoa, whoa!

BEEBE:

Take these to the car daddy.

BILL:

Yes dear.

BEEBE:

Oh Skeeter, I was just doing a little shopping, in case someone wants to take me to the dance?

SKEETER:

Uh, honk honk, meet ‘ya at the photo shop man!

BEEBE:

Boys!

BILL:

Is that the boy you like honey bunch?

BEEBE:

If you think I’m discussing that with you daddy, you’re nuts!

(scene changes to outside the mall by Beebe’s car)

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