Doug's 1st Movie Page #2

Season #1 Episode #1

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BEEBE:

I already told Patti she’s on the committee! She’s very excited!

DOUG:

Great! Look, Beebe, I’ll go help Skeet get his pictures then I’ll head down to school.

BEEBE:

What for?

DOUG:

Well to get started! I plan to work day and night to have this dance ready!

BEEBE:

Doug, you don’t have to worry about a thing. Patti and Guy have it all under control!

DOUG:

Patti and Guy?

BEEBE:

Yeah, Guy’s the other one on the dance committee! Isn’t it great?

DOUG:

But- but- Guy said he didn’t- He isn’t even in our grade.

BEEBE:

I know, isn’t it great to have an upperclassman even think about helping?

DOUG:

But how? How?

BEEBE:

How did we convince him? It was easy, we were sitting in the office after lunch…(flashback) This dance is going to be so the opposite of cool!

CONNIE:

C’mon Beebe, let’s check and see of somebody signed up during lunch! (they open the office door). Hey, what happened to the list?

GUY:

(Guy enters holding the clipboard with list)

Looking for this ladies?

BEEBE:

Guy! Are you writing a story for the school paper?

GUY:

Writing? Well here’s a real headline (jumps up on table) Guy Graham, upperclassman, heads up dinky dance! Bang!

GROUP:

Wow!

(Guy crumples list)

GUY:

Now let’s get down to business shall we? Help me down. (flashback over)

DOUG:

I was on that list!

BEEBE:

Well Doug you understand. Guy has real accomplishments, and he’s friend with my daddy!

DOUG:

But- but I know your dad!

BILL:

Not like he does, fine young man.

BEEBE:

See ‘ya Doug. Home, Jinkins. (they drive away)

(back inside the mall)

DOUG:

Perfect, that’s just perfect.

SKEETER:

Oh don’t worry man. Guy may have more accomplishments now, but you’re going to blow him out of the water!

DOUG:

How do you mean?

SKEETER:

When we show everyone that monster.

DOUG:

Oh yeah, perfect.

SKEETER:

Hey who’s the cute baby? Oh it’s me, boy that film must have been in the camera a long time.

DOUG:

Skeet? Are you really sure you saw something at the lake?

(they walk outside)

SKEETER:

What do you mean man?

DOUG:

I mean, you’ve been looking for this monster for months right? And last night you really wanted to see it, maybe you only saw a shadow or swamp gas or something. (Skeeter gasps and stammers) You do have a pretty active imagination. (Skeeter hands Doug a picture) Oh what’s this? Is this from your Halloween party?

SKEETER:

The monster! (Doug gasps) Honk honk, I told you there was a monster. I told everybody! Behoooooold!

DOUG:

Wahoo! yeah! Oh, l-l-let me see it again. Skeeter, we’re going to be famous, this is the biggest thing ever! Wahoo! (Quailman daydream sequence begins)

QUAILMAN ANNOUNCER

When the biggest thing ever happens..

QUAILMAN:

The biggest thing ever!

ANNOUNCER:

Doug imagines himself a superhero daring enough to wear his underwear over his pants, Quailman!

QUAILMAN:

A big dance extravaganza, well that does sound big! I wonder if it’s a trap? (reads) “P.S. not a trap” well Quaildog as I always say, if it’s in print it must be true! (Quaildog grumbles)

ANNOUNCER:

And so that night, Quailman rendezvous with a certain young woman.

PATTI:

Oh Quailman, how nice of you to invite me to this big dance extravaganza!

QUAILMAN:

Well dancing with Quaildog, while enjoyable, is not my idea of a perfect evening.

GUY:

Is everyone ready to dance?

QUAILMAN:

Who are you and why are you clogging? I mean, who are you?

GUY:

I am Lord of the Polka, care to dance?

PATTI:

Must dance.

QUAILMAN:

Curious. (goes to enter the dance)

GUARD:

Sorry pal, full up.

QUAILMAN:

Fortunately, patience is the first quality of the quail (Crowd gasp and scream as a monster is rampaging the town). Looks like an uninvited guest is trying to crash the party, Quaildog, no time to lose, fly away!

ANNOUNCER:

When danger calls, there’s one superhero who’s always there to pick up the phone. Part quail, part man, all hero, Quailman and his super pal Quaildog! (monster destroys buildings and people screaming) How can the beast be stopped? Surely Quailman must come to fisticuffs with this fiend from the fathoms!

QUAILMAN:

No mister narrator. Violence is only for those who have run out of good ideas. We simply have to speak reasonably to this fearsome fellow. Excuse large lizard-like creature, I think it’s important for you to see- (monster swallows Quailman, Quaildog groans. We see Quailman fall into monster’s stomach and get covered with goo). I don’t like to make snap judgements, but it seems this out-sized outlaw just ate me.

ANNOUNCER:

Quailman, eaten like so many potato chips. (more roaring and screaming) Who will stop the amphibious archfiend now? Thinking quickly, Quaildog turns the high powered disco lights into the eyes of the monster, momentarily disorienting the reptilian rowdy. Next, his canine sixth sense combined with an extensive knowledge of pop culture tells him the moment is right. He reroutes the signal to intercept the latest episode of a corny teen sitcom playing right at that moment.

BRIAR LANGOLIER:

Dylan, how can I love you when I’m really in love with your other personality Rufus?

ANNOUNCER:

Quaildog’s queasy quarry is not match for this mindless mush fest. The already reeling reptile can’t stomach it (monster falls and spits out Quailman).

PATTI:

Quailman! Ewww, P.U.

QUAILMAN:

I try to be broad-minded but I can’t sit ideally by and be digested by some scaly scofflaw.

ANNOUNCER:

Having learned that the beastly beast is impervious to reason, Quailman has no choice but to release the full force of the quail eye, rendering his amphibious adversary helpless and stupefied (Quailman shoots his laser beam eyes at the monster, causing it to fall down).

PATTI:

Oh Quailman, you’ve saved us!

GUY:

We’ll that’s over, wanna dance?

PATTI:

Forget it! Defeating a monster is much cooler than decorating for a dance, (plugs nose) no matter how bad he smells (Quailman fantasy over).

DOUG:

Defeating a monster is much cooler than over seeing a dance, no matter how bad we smell.

SKEETER:

What?

DOUG:

Skeet, we can’t blow this now. We’ve gotta find that monster!

(scene changes to Roger’s house, Al and Moo with the A.V. Nerds are in a meeting room)

A.V. Nerd #1:

What are we doing here?

Elmo:

Roger has gathered the greatest minds of Bluffington in one room.

Al:

Oh yes. My brother and I have followed your work in the field of (chuckles) A.V.

Moo:

(coughs) Nerds.

A.V. Nerd #1:

Weirdoes.

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