Doug's 1st Movie Page #7

Season #1 Episode #1

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BILL It’s only a matter of time. They have to leave the house sometime, and when they do, BAM! We strike!

BEEBE Daddy, what are you talking about?

BILL Oh, uh...baseball, Princess.

BEEBE Ugh, that game has dirt. Please don’t talk about it when I’m eating.

BILL Of course Beebe doll, whatever you say.

(back in Roger’s room, the robot is cradling Roger in his pajamas singing)

ROBOCRUSHER Lullaby and good night, (Roger speaking over the lullaby Stop it. Please stop it). Sleep as softly around you. (Oh, my back, you gotta stop singing). Lay you down now and rest (it’s only eight thirty). (robot continues to sing and Roger tries to get away)

ROGER I’m going to get those guys.

(scene changes to the morning, Doug is walking to school)

DOUG N. The next morning I left for school early. I wanted to explain things to Patti as soon as I could. But I kinds got this creepy feeling somebody was watching me. (Bluff agents are all around Doug pretending to be doing normal activities and following him. We hear many agents talking at once, but all saying different things into hidden microphones, it is very obvious they are watching Doug). Hmmm..

(Doug stops walking and looks around. Scene changes to Skeeter and Beebe at school in the hallway at Beebe’s locker, Skeeter is holding a homemade Valentine card in the shape of himself)

SKEETER Happy Valentine’s Day Beebe!

BEEBE Sorry, I don’t take Valentines from lying lie fake LIARS! (she leaves)

SKEETER (sighs) Man.

(scene cuts to Bluff agents surrounding Doug’s house, Agent #1 kicks in the front door and signals for other agents to enter)

AGENT #1 Move, move! (we hear various shouts from the agents as they head upstairs to Doug’s room, they kick in the door to his room and enter to see the diving suit standing still) Freeze sea beast! (he removes the headpiece and nothing is there) What the-? (Porkchop’s head then pokes out of the space)

(scene changes to Principal Bob White’s room at the school, Doug and Herman are in there. Herman is dressed in hippie clothes and has a wig)

BOB Well has mayor- I mean principal, I am honored to welcome this new exchange student to our illustrious school! Welcome. What’s her name?

DOUG Well Principal White..

BOB Principal White? Hmm, now why does that name sound so familiar?

DOUG No! It’s Herman- uh nione.

BOB Oh, what a beautiful name! Hermanuhninione. Well uh, welcome to our school young foreign person, (whispers) vote for me! (Herman roars really loudly) What did she say?

DOUG Thanks! She said thanks!

(scene changes to Doug, Hermione, Skeeter and the class in Mrs. Perigrew’s Art class)

MRS. PERIGREW I want everyone to just let their emotions floooow onto the canvas.

(camera shows Skeeter, Hermione and Doug painting together, Hermione is drinking the paint but keep it in her mouth and Skeeter notices)

SKEETER Hermione, No! Bad, that’s dirty.

(Hermione sneezes and all the paint goes all over the canvas, Mrs. Perigrew comes over)

MRS. PERIGREW Hermione, remarkable work. So primitive, so free!

(Hermione burps and wipes his mouth. Scene changes to the cafeteria, Doug, Hermione and Skeeter are in line to be served. When Hermione gets her tray of food she puts the whole thing in her mouth. She then grabs the food from behind the counter with her hands and starts eating it. Doug and Skeeter pull her away to stop her. The lunch lady notices and she smacks Hermione’s hand with a ladle, Hermione screams in pain and pulls back her hands.)

GIRL Look at Doug with that cute girl.

(Patti notices Doug cleaning food of the face of Hermione. Scene changes to them in class opening and reading Valentine cards. Camera shifts across the room and we see Hermione has the most in the class, she then eats a handful of cards. Scene then changes to all three of them entering the boys bathroom, from inside we hear)

NERD #2 Ah, girl in the boys room!

(all the nerds run out saying various things. Skeeter and Doug then take Hermione to the Girls room and they are waiting outside, it seems to be taking a long time, she then finally comes out with a group of girls talking about perfume and hair styles. Doug and Skeeter follow them down the hall as they go past Patti’s locker. Patti sees Hermione, Skeeter and Doug run by. Doug stops and looks towards Patti)

PATTI Humph! (she walks away)

DOUG Uh, Patti I have to talk to you.

PATTI Thanks for the Valentine Doug.

DOUG What Valentine? (Patti gets an unhappy face realizing Doug didn’t send her the Valentine) Oh, I’m sorry. Look I’ve been busy-

PATTI (interrupts) So I’ve seen.

DOUG Look, I want to tell you something but you can’t tell anybody right? (whispers) We found the Lucky Duck Lake monster, that’s why I didn’t go to Swirly’s the other night. (Patti leaves) Wait, where are you going?

PATTI (angry, she walks down the hall and Doug follow as they talk) Doug, I’m going to stand here and be lied to. I’m not blind you know, I know who you’re really spending your time with.

DOUG What are you talking about?

PATTI That Hermione girl you’ve been hanging around with all day.

DOUG That’s who I’m talking about.

PATTI Then why don’t you act like a grownup and just say you’re hanging out with her now? (they stop walking at the newspaper office)

DOUG But I’m not! Well I am. b-but I’m not really.

PATTI Oh really? I saw you all over her in the cafeteria. (she enters the office)

DOUG Come on Patti, she’s not even a girl.

PATTI I know you think I must be dumb because I believe all that monster stuff before, but I hope you don’t think I’m that gullible Doug. (Guy enters from a side door)

GUY Hello kids! Oh, Doug I see you’re still pestering Patti. Sorry, we have to get to Funkytown.

PATTI See ‘ya Doug.

DOUG Uh, but… (they leave the office and close the door, Doug is left alone. Scene changes to after school, the bell rings and Skeeter peeks out of the entrance of the school to see if it’s safe and goes back in. He comes back out with Hermione and Doug)

SKEETER I thought it over man, we can’t take him to our houses anymore, it isn’t safe. (they walk down the sidewalk and go by Beebe and Connie)

BEEBE See ‘ya Hermione.

CONNIE See ‘ya tomorrow. (Hermione waves back and grumbles “bye”, Skeeter pulls down on her arm, making her put it down)

SKEETER There’s only one thing left to do. We have to get him back to the lake before Mr. Bluff gets him. I’ll take him there now (they stop at a road crossing) get your camping gear and meet us. (the crossing guard tells them to cross the street)

DOUG (said very unhappy, not really caring) Whatever, O.K., right, yeah.

SKEETER Come on Doug, we gotta do this man.

DOUG Yeah I know.

CROSSING GUARD (speaks into a microphone in his sleeve) Crossing.

(scene changes to later that night. The camera moves from Funkytown to the lake and we see Doug, Skeeter and Herman sitting by a fire)

DOUG N. I thought it had been the worst day of my life. But I was wrong, things hadn’t even started to get bad yet.

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