Doug's 1st Movie Page #8

Season #1 Episode #1

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SKEETER Oh, it sure is cold tonight. Hey Herman, can you hand me some wood? We’ll we’re back where we started.

DOUG Only everyone thinks we’re liars and Patti hates me but other than that, yes, we’re right back where we started.

SKEETER Well at least Herman Melville will be free (sound of a gun cocking in the distance). Did you hear something?

DOUG Yeah over there (they go over to the bush and brush away part of the bush to reveal the costume used by Roger and his gang to scare Skeeter). What is it?

SKEETER I guess those guys were in a pretty big hurry the other night.

(Herman returns holding a big log)

DOUG No Herman, no. Too big. Little sticks, tiny little- (various radio talk, they look toward the bush)

SKEETER Maybe we’d better get him back in the water.

DOUG Yeah.

SKEETER This is it buddy, time to get in the water Herman, c’mon. (Herman doesn’t want to go)

DOUG C’mon Herman, back in the water c’mon. What’s the matter? Maybe he’ll go in if we swim with him. Take off your pants.

SKEETER Me? You take off your pants.

DOUG It’s too cold anyway, just pretend. O.K. here we go, we’re going to go swimming.

DOUG & SKEETER Swimming, c’mon buddy. Yeah oh swimming, great idea (laughs).

(they pretend to swim around)

DOUG Don’t you wanna swim with us Herman? (Herman growls as if he had something to show them)

(Herman growls and throws the log over Doug and Skeeter’s head into the lake. The limb scratches his arm, we see Doug’s ripped sleeve).

DOUG Ahhh, hey.

SKEETER Herman, what are you doing? You hurt Doug.

DOUG Stop it you big fish. I’m glad we’re getting rid of you, you’re nothing but bad news. (almost crying) You lost me the only person I ever cared about and now I wish-

SKEETER Hey! Look man! (the log Herman threw is being eaten away by the pollution) Wow! No wonder he didn’t want us to go there. I knew it was polluted, but not that bad. Mayor Tippy was right.

DOUG He can’t go back there. Wah? (Herman puts a Band-Aid on Doug’s rip)

SKEETER I think you hurt his feeling man.

DOUG I’m sorry. Thanks for saving us Herman.

SKEETER He can’t go back in that lake man.

DOUG What are we going to do with him?

BILL (comes out of the forest) I think I can answer that!

DOUG Run Herman!

(Herman runs but is cut off by agents, they re shouting various commands. Herman tries running another way but an agent shoots a net onto him)

DOUG & SKEETER Herman! (they run to him but two agents block their way)

DOUG Leave him alone!

(other agents put ropes around its neck and hands. Agent #1 holds a needle with a liquid inside, Herman is roaring to get away)

AGENT #1 This’ll knock him out for a while (he injects the liquid, Doug and Skeeter look away, and Herman falls unconscious)

BILL Get him outta here (agents drag him away).

SKEETER You can’t do this.

BILL Quite you. I don’t wanna hear anything from you. If I hear one more peep it’s gonna- you’re gonna be so- Bob?

BOB Let’s just say it won’t be pretty for you.

BILL Right! You boys decided you were going to make me look bad, I have friends at your school. You boys could be in middle school for a long time to come. If you know what’s good for ‘ya, you’ll forget everything that happened here tonight.

(scene changes to show a Bluffco truck drive away and Doug and Skeeter behind some bushes)

DOUG Ugh, what do we do now?

SKEETER We gotta stop him and I don’t care if I’m in middle school for the rest of my life.

DOUG Me neither, let’s go (they jump over the bush and run) I just hope I don’t have to keep taking band.

(scene changes to two officers driving down the road talking and have doughnuts)

POLICE OFFICER #1 All I’m saying is that sure Superman is stronger than Batman, but Batman’s got superior technology. So, say my doughnuts kryptonite..

POLICE OFFICER #2 (driving) Whoa!

(Doug and Skeeter are on the road trying to get the police car to stop, it doesn’t stop until Doug yells “Ahhh!”, the car screeches to a stop, they were nearly hit by the car. When it stop, they run to the driver’s window)

OFFICER #2 What is it boys?

SKEETER (out of breath) Our friend. They kidnapped out friend.

(they get in the car and drive past the Thaddeus statue)

DOUG Up here. Take a left. (the car drives up to Mr. Bluff’s house and parks)

OFFICER #1 There must be some mistake boys. This is Bill Bluff’s house.

SKEETER He’s the one. Hey kidnapped out friend.

OFFICER #1 Hey boys, that’s a serious charge.

DOUG We’re telling the truth, you have to hurry. They’re going to kill him if we don’t do something. (they get out of the car and ring the doorbell, Mr. Bluff opens the door)

OFFICER #1 Sorry to bother you like this Mr. Bluff.

BILL (yawns) What seems to be the problem officer?

OFFICER #1 Uh, these boys seem to think you know where their friend is.

BILL What does this friend of yours look like boys?

SKEETER You know what he looks like. He’s about this tall and he’s slimy and scaly.

DOUG It’s the monster from the lake.

OFFICER #1 What? What are you two trying to pull?

BILL Now now officer, I was a kid too. But I assure you, I’m not hiding any scary monsters in here. Why, Beebe wouldn’t allow it. Except for some of the boys she goes out with (Bill and the officers chuckle)

SKEETER But Mr. Officer-

BILL Maybe you boys better go back to bed.

DOUG Yeah, but we-

OFFICER #1 Alright that’s enough, let’s get you boys home. Sorry to bother you Mr. Bluff.

BILL Don’t mention it.

(scene changes to a room, inside the Bluff’s house where all the agents are. It seems they have nothing to do and are doing random activities. Agent #1 is looking though a telescope and then goes over to a helm of a ship in the room. He turns it and the whole room shifts to the side he moved it, knocking people down, then he moves it back)

BOB Don’t touch that. (Bill enters the room and everyone stands at attention, the agents run over to his desk) O.K. Mr. Bluff, they’re just waiting for your word and they’ll- uh..

AGENT #1 Dispose of the monster.

BILL I don’t know, those kids have got people suspicious. If this gets out- well lets just say I don’t need any more bad press.

AGENT #1 Hey, it’s a fish right. Whenever we had a fish go belly up, whoosh, down the toilet. Nobody’s the wiser.

BOB Need an awful big toilet for a fish that size.

AGENT #1 I know where to get a big toilet.

BOB What’s a toilet like that going to cost?

AGENT #1 Less than you think.

BILL Enough, here’s what we’re going to do. Instead of keeping this quiet, we’re gonna tell everybody.

BOB You feeling alright sir?

BILL Boys? This is our chance to stop this bad press once and for all. We’re just not going to get rid of him, Bill Bluff is going to save the town from this monster.

(scene changes to Doug sleeping in his bed, he’s tossing and turning)

DOUG N. That night I couldn’t sleep, my brain wouldn’t shut up. (a dream starts, the head of the person who is talking floats across the screen)

BILL You boys could be in middle school for a long time to come.

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