Dream Lover

Hey, Ray. How's the wife?

Well, it...

How's the family?

The first case I see here

is Reardon vs. Reardon.

Will counsel please stand?

- We're petitioning. your honor.

- And for the respondent?

Mr. Reardon. I ask you again.

where is your counsel?

I fired him.

I no longer contest

any aspect of this divorce.

Mr. Reardon, this court was

prepared to render a judgment -

- quite favorable to your interests.

It was a mistake, your honor.

She can have whatever she wants.

- We were impossible.

We were like oil and water.

- I still love you.

- Me too.

That's what made it

so hard to leave.

- Till you hit me.

- I slapped you.

- I pushed your face -

- with your hand.

- Well, betrayal is not my best thing.

- Yeah, well, I know.

I'm not the only guy who gets upset

when he finds his wife sleeping...

I wasn't strong enough

to break away without it.

- He's a jerk.

- Of course he was a jerk.

It's not easy to find

someone like you.

Try harder.

Oh God. I'm already jealous.

I know you're going to find

the right person.

And when you do, she's gonna be

the luckiest woman alive.

- To a free man.

- Fresh meat on the market.

- Thank you.

- May you never sleep alone.

Thank you.

I told you not to marry her.

You two had absolutely

nothing in common.

Forget "in common" okay?

She wasn't his type.

Ray always went for brunettes.

You're telling me.

- You're Larry's wife.

- Picky, picky.

Plus, you're a lawyer.

That's right.

Ray likes artsy types.

He likes them thin

and dark and artistic.

Right. So are we talking

sex here or marriage or...

- What about love?

- Love?

But in the long term.

You're interested in a family, right?

I want everything-

The kids, the dog, the Volvo.

Whoa, slow down

on the family, sport.

First you get laid.

Then you get laid.

Exactly. There are many

many women out there.

- Lots of skinny women, even.

- Anorexics.

Yes. Dark angelic anorexics.

They're 33 years old.

Their biological clocks

are tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Come now! I'm ovulating!

I'm fertile today! Just today!

It kills me to say it.

but I'm going to agree

with Norman on this.

You are attractive, you are straight.

You are not overtly psychotic.

Oh, thank you.

Listen.

You just take your time.

And don't you be a slave

to your glandular reactions.

By the way, have I ever mentioned

that my family crest -

- is actually a big gland?

I rest my case.

I am down on my knees.

I am begging you.

All right.

This is humiliating.

Are you deaf?

I'm guaranteeing you

100% return in six months.

You're my friend, Norman.

Sure. That's why I'm

bringing you the deal.

I'm going to loan money once.

I'll do it again -

- sooner or later

I'm gonna lose a friend.

Great. Swell.

So... I'm floating facedown.

All right. Look.

I wanted to emphasize

the positive here.

The money's not just...

It would keep me alive

another 72 hours, okay?

would your friendship

allow you to do that?

I love this.

- How much?

- For the investment?

To save your life.

well, say 20 grand.

- I'll give you half.

- You'll save half my life?

This isn't good. Between friends -

Forget the whole thing.

No, I need the bucks.

It's just that I know you can

afford more. And I'm wondering...

This isn't my job to rescue you

from yourself, all right?

- You're going to regret this.

- What?

A year or two.

Fortunes could change.

You could come to me

wanting something.

See what happened here?

It's the same with girls.

A little friendly advice.

Remember the girls

I set you up with?

- Those women were...

- I'll do better.

The point is they told me

What you give off -

You're lonely.

It's understandable.

But it comes off needy.

Just like I was here.

And it's bad technique.

- They said I was needy?

- Desperate.

So they're throwing me

a party next week, okay?

- 34 years old and still an a**hole.

- They said I was needy?

Forget that. I'm trying

to tell you something.

I invited a girl - brunette. Midwest.

So forth - perfect for you.

No, please.

Tits? Did someone say tits?

Like pears.

And not the hard

green ones, either.

The juicy Comice you get in the box

from Oregon - Harry & David.

Norman, I'm coming to your party

as your friend, all right?

But please promise me you won't

introduce me to any more women.

Exactly my point.

If you'd let me finish...

- Believe me. I can find her myself.

- Who says no?

A safe doesn't have to fall on me.

We still friends?

Can I go back to work now?

And thanks for the 20 G's.

Ten. Ten!

After completing the novel.

I went back to my work

on the particle accelerator.

What is that. Lycra?

Norman is the only person I know -

- who can turn his birthday

into a scam.

He's not paying for food, drinks.

He's providing the idiots who might

buy the work of this artist.

- Is that the artist. The cowboy?

- Of course that's him.

Guns and buns.

It's not that bad.

I guarantee you. If there are any

sales tonight - Norman's friends -

I bet he's gonna get a piece of it.

Speaking of which. Did he

come to you about this crazy -

The jackpot idea. 100 grand?

- Yeah.

- Yes. sir.

- He got the money.

- What?!

He must have. 'cause one day

he was hawkin' me.

I'm a harder sell

than you are, right?

I got two kids, private school.

Elaine's starting her own law firm.

- Penguin joke.

- So the guy says...

Again?

"Hey! where you going?"

- Are you Ray?

- Hey, did I...

I'm Cheryl. Norman's friend.

Right. That's right.

Good to see you.

Norman told me.

I know. I know.

According to him

we're practically engaged.

- We are?

- Yeah.

I just love

a sense of humor in a man.

You know. I think laughter

is the greatest aphrodisiac.

Don't you agree?

In the right

circumstances, yes.

You know, it's strange.

I feel something.

- Do you feel something?

- I usually feel something.

No, not like that. I mean...

When two people fix you up -

"You two will be perfect

for each other".

Blah, blah. Splat, splat.

I mean, usually

it's just awful, right?

Right.

But just somehow.

Just this moment

we're having right now...

- This moment?

- Yeah.

Look. I don't want

to be forward -

- but would you, you know...

Like to go someplace else?

Yes, actually. I...

- would you excuse me?

- What?

I don't want to be rude, but there's

something that I must tell Norman.

So, you... all right?

Sh*t. Will you look

where you're going?

- This is wine. You've ruined it.

- Sorry.

Get your hands off me!

It's bad enough you ruined my dress!

I was just

turning away from...

- You don't like me.

- No. No, no, no.

What did he do to you?

He is just unbelievably rude!

You're not kidding.

I was trying to say

it was an accident.

- I was turning away...

- Save it!

Apologize first

and foremost to your girlfriend.

- and leave me alone.

- She's...

Oh, God.

Look, please. I'm sure

you're a wonderful person.

Hey, sport.

How do you like my party?

If you ever set me up

with another woman, I'm gonna kill you.

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