Driving Lessons

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Thank you, Ben.

Tell your mother she's an angel,

cooking for all us oldies.

When's the driving test?

-This afternoon.

You got a girlfriend yet?

Oh, no, no.

Not yet, no.

Don't forget.

Hand brake, mirror and turn.

My name is Roger, and I'm your

driving examiner for today.

I'd like you to approach

the next roundabout and

take the first exit.

No, that was the first exit,

please. You're still going round.

In a moment, I'm going to

strike the dashboard.

When I do, I'd like you to

make an emergency stop.

Emergency stop, please.

Stop the car.

Stop!

Never mind, darling.

I crashed the car.

Well, you were nervous.

Mum, do you think I should have some

proper lessons with a teacher?

I've been driving for 25 years.

You just need more practice.

Seat belt, please.

Oh, come to my heart,

Lord Jesus

There is room

in my heart for Thee

Just fill me

with your presence Lord

I want you to be

Redeemed

Good!

Bye, Sarah.

-Bye, Peter.

Bye. See you next Sunday.

-Bye, guys. See you on Sunday.

See you, Peter.

I know a lot of

the guys teaching Religious

Education at Coventry.

It's a hell of

a competitive course now,

very new science,

philosophy, culture.

Very rounded, very sexy.

Lovely.

Obviously I can't take Ben's exams

for him, but I can...

I can definitely recommend him.

Thank you, Peter.

Isn't that wonderful, Ben?

Thanks.

Ben really knows his Bible.

It's just the academics

he struggles with.

Maths was always my problem.

Ben and maths.

Don't even talk about it.

Peter was just telling

us about his thoughts

for an International Day,

with all the different

parish faiths swapping ideas.

I thought it sounded wonderful.

I'm not sure

Finchley Central's quite ready

for Peter's particular bra

of evangelism.

No need to be sarcastic, Robert.

At least he's trying.

May I offer you some more,

Mr. Finley?

How is your room, Mr. Fincham?

Did you manage any sleep

this afternoon?

Ben took his driving test today.

He did very well.

Just a few things to iron out.

Of course, now we've got

the summer holidays ahead of us,

we can spend even

more time in the car.

There you are.

How's my grown-up boy?

Your father and I

have been talking.

Now that Mr. Fincham's

staying with us,

it might be thoughtful if we all

contributed a little money

towards getting

him back on his feet.

What do you think?

Who is Mr. Fincham?

Mr. Fincham came to me

asking for shelter.

He'd heard that I

like to help people.

But how long

is he staying for?

Darling,

he ran over his own wife.

He must take

as long as he needs.

I thought if you

got a summer job,

you might put some of the money

towards helping Mr. Fincham.

Ask yourselves this question.

How is a person truly free

until they can think

and act for themselves?

God gave us free will

so that we could choose his love.

You see, he wanted us

to understand our commitment,

to be grown-up about it.

If you say to me,

"Am I a Christian?"

I say to you,

"If you strive to do good,

then you're a Christian. "

Hand brake, mirror, turn.

If you don't seek to

hurt or betray others,

you're a Christian.

If you're true to

yourself and treat others

as you'd have them treat you,

you're a Christian.

The more a person

parades their Christianity

for the benefit of others,

the less I'm inclined to trust

the Christianity

they claim to bring.

God tells us

true faith is

the freedom to choose truth.

Now, how you express that,

the way, the manner,

the means at your disposal,

these things are of no consequence,

be you Christian or atheist,

unless in your heart

you are true.

Hello?

F*** you, you little f***ers!

Jesus... f***ing Christ!

Come on! You utterly

cunting bastards, cut!

How are you?

You're Ben.

Found the house all right?

Marvelous. Shall we stroll?

Now, then, we talked

on the telephone? -Yes.

What did I say?

You said you needed some help

round the house.

Did I mention camping?

No. You said you

might need an escort.

Yeah, well,

I travel occasionally.

Theatrical engagements.

I take it you're a Christian?

Excuse me?

Well, I make it a policy

always to advertise in Hello Jesus.

As a single woman,

I'm acutely aware

of the dangers

of sexual assault by younger men,

though, sadly, God is no longer

the insurance policy he once was.

Or am I just old-fashioned?

Now, then, a few house rules.

At home, I'm never

Dame Eve, only Evie.

Meals are taken in the kitchen,

unless I happen to be entertaining,

in which case I shall

ask you to serve a few drinks,

some canapes...

I pay 6p an hour,

which is a pound more than McDonald's

So if that is unsatisfactory

I suggest you go and work for them,

though how you can

consider such a thing

in all good conscience,

I really don't know.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

Sorry...

Monday to Friday, 11:00 to 4:00,

and every alternate weekend

lunch included.

Yes or no?

Um... Yes.

Oh, excellent.

Well, we do seem to be

getting along famously,

don't we, Ben?

Now, I'll show you around.

Hi, Ben.

Hi.

Been swimming?

Um, yeah.

What are you all dressed up for?

I've got a job.

Doing what?

Looking after a lady in Hampstead.

Lucky lady.

So where are you going now, Ben?

I was just walking.

I thought maybe if you were going,

we could, you know, walk.

Okay.

See you.

You know, after last Bible class,

Peter walked me home.

He says he likes

sharing his thoughts with me.

He says there's

an incredible witnessing

going on in

a church in Hackney.

He says he may take

a group of us there next Sunday.

Peter's so great.

Yeah.

He said this,

like, black priest

has actually flown

over from America

to save the Church

of England from itself.

Can you imagine?

That's just so Pete.

You've got lovely hair.

What?

Sorry.

I've wrote you a poem.

I've got it here. I could

read it to you, if you like.

It's okay,

you can just give it to me.

I can read it later.

I'd really like

to read it to you.

Really, it's okay.

It's only five lines.

Go on, then. Quickly.

You are the harvest,

God's water and wheat

"Birds fly for you, sing for you

Each wing a beat

of my heart for you

Felt for you, my clay feet

I do not sing for you,

do not fly for you

I'm not water, I'm not wheat

I would be dove,

I would be hawk

Your milky breasts,

my strange meat

What do you think?

I'm sorry,

but you're just too weird.

You're walking through the desert.

It's very, very hot.

Walking. Tired.

You're walking and

walking and walking.

And then... Over here.

You see a eucalyptus tree.

And then

it's Jesus Christ himself,

carrying his loaves and fishes.

Now, everybody,

quickly, quickly, sitting

in the shade of the eucalyptus tree.

Sitting in the shade,

sitting in the shade.

I'm so proud of Ben.

Not only has he found a job

he's found a job

helping a retired actress.

She's not retired.

What's her name again, Ben?

Eve Walton.

She's a dame.

Eve Walton?

Wasn't she with

the RSC years ago?

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