Dude, Where's My Car? Page #2

Synopsis: Roommates Jesse and Chester, both who have more than just a few cards short of a full deck, are stoner dudes who don't even do their jobs as pizza delivery guys well. They awaken one morning having little recollection of what they did the previous night, due to being wasted. They discover that their kitchen is full of prepackaged pudding, how they got all the pudding they are unaware. From a telephone message they receive, they come to the realization that at some point during the previous night they were at a party at the house of their girlfriends, twins Wanda and Wilma, and that today is their one year anniversary, which they did remember as they already bought the twins gifts. But the worst thing in not remembering what happened last night is that Jesse's car is missing. In trying to find out what happened to the car, they believe they have to recreate the feeling and mindset of last night, meaning getting wasted all over again. In trying to find the car, they, being the types that
Director(s): Danny Leiner
Production: 20th Century Fox
  5 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
30
Rotten Tomatoes:
18%
PG-13
Year:
2000
83 min
$44,992,961
Website
2,875 Views


Then why did she just wave at us.

I don't know. Maybe she thinks we're other people.

People she waves to.

Hi Chester.

Hi.

Hi Jesse.

I had a really good time with you last night.

Ah, me too.

That was some crazy party, huh?

Hey, ah, have you seen my car?

Well, I saw it last night.

I mean I saw the back seat.

Oh! I'm talking about the whole thing.

Why don't you just go out and buy another one|with all the money you were throwing around?

Money?

Yeah. Don't you remember you had that|really nice suitcase full of money?

A suitcase full of money

Don't you remember giving me|500$ to show you my hoohoos?

- 500$?|- Hoohoos?

You mean you don't remember anything?

How about now?

No.

How about now?

You know, I'm a little bit fuzzy too.|Maybe if I could get a little refresh of course.

Alright.

Are these loosers bothering you Christie?

No Tommy.

Guys like you could never score|with the chick like this.

I suggest you stick to your own kind.

You're such a jerk.

Next time I catch you guys bothering my girlfriend

stoner bashing time.

Oh yeah?

Yeah!

OK.

Consider this your warning.

Later dudes.

Dude, you just touched|Christie Bonner's hoohoo.

Shibby.

Low 5.

Let's get out of here.

That Christie Bonner is super hot.

Where did we get a suitcase full of money?

Man, and why don't we have it now?

Maybe we deposited it in a Swiss bank account.

No. If we had a ridiculous|sum of money where would we go?

Dude.

Sweet.

No way we were here last night.

We'd never fit into the place like this.

Look everyone! It's Mr. Jesse and Mr. Chester!

Good afternoon Jesse, Chester.|How are we feeling today?

A little fuzzy.

Hi Chester.

Hi Jesse.

Did you guys enjoy yourselves last night?

Have we met?

It's me, Tania.

Remember last night when I gave you|that super special slippery lap dance?

Of course. How can I forget?

You wanna do it again?

This time it's on me.

If you say so.

Didn't I get some sort of special lap dance?

Did you ever?

Sweet.

Sweet.

So. Just how super special|can a slippery lap dance be?

What the hell were you thinking throwing around|my money like that?|That wasn't part of the plan!

You're a...

I'm a gender challenged male!

What does that mean?

Oh dude, you're a dude! That's...

Oh! No!

Last night I had the two of you sneak|a suitcase of stolen money out of the club.

You stole the money?

200 000 $.

200 000 $?

I gave you the suitcase and left. You guys were|supposed to meet me|but you never showed up.

Where's that suitcase?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Where's that suitcase?

It's in my car.

Then get it! Fast.

Or else you'll be singing soprano.

Dude, dude!

We've got to go.

What? Are you crazy? I'm|strawing by breakdancing strippers.

Seriously, this is an emergency.

So is this dude.

It's a breakdancing stripper emergency.

Bye!

Bye Chester!

I love you!

OK. Apparently we were supposed to meet him|with the suitcase|and we just didn't show up.

Huh. Sounds like us.

Man.

How wasted were we last night.

Well, I touched Christie Bonner's hoohoo...

...we're on the hook for a 200 000 $ on loan|from transsexual stripper|and my car is gone.

I'd say we were pretty wasted.

Dude, we really need to find your car.

OK. Let's see, the last place we|remember being last night was...

the twins.

But we can't show up without the anniversary gifts.

I got it.

We'll just get them a|little something for now.

And then, when we find the car|we'll give them the real gifts.

Dollar, thirty nine.

I don't know.

Trust me.

It's gonna be totally cool.

OK.

Let's go.

We are so dead.

Roger that.

We've been cleaning all morning.|What do you guys have to say for yourselves?

Happy anniversary.

The

The Twins

We ate all the dark ones coz we|now you guys don't like those.

Dark ones are the only ones we do like.

Oh yeah.

But, but, you could use the box...

...to keep...to keep...

...ribbons.

You guys forgot our anniversary. Didn't you?

Of course not!

No! We got you guys great gifts.

We just had some car troubles.

Yeah. But we came over here as soon|as we could|to help you guys clean up...

...but, oh no.

It looks like you're already done.

All we have to do is take out the trash.

Say, they haven't been outside yet...

Oh! You know what? We'll take out the trash.

You guys go and take a nice hot bath.

Yeah. You deserve it after all this hard work.

Go ahead and pay up to yourselves.

Just don't make a mess.

Slow and steady good body.

10-4

You're tilting.

Why are you tilting?

You gave me the heavy end.

No. Let it go.

We're not leaving it behind.

OK.

I'll take my shoe off

Stop pushing.

Watch it!

Careful!

You're cool?

We're still cool.

Now take your shoe off and you get it.

OK:

Get it.

That's it.

I got it!

Oh my god!

You guys can't do anything right.

Why do you have to mess everything up?

I got three words: anger management.

Yeah.

Dude, we really need to find your car.

Hey guys.

Sorry about yanking you off the street|like that but we really need to talk to you.

Who are you guys?

My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu....

...Zellner, Zelbor, Zelmina and Jeff.

Hey.

To answer your question more specifically:

We are the recipients of instructions|from extraterrestrials regarding the

interstellar path to outer space.

Go ahead and laugh.

We are used to be in mot.

OK.

We've been sent by a wise and powerful leader

Zoltan.

to find you and recover the continuum transfunctioner.

Hey. Have you guys ever been to Uranus?

Yeah. It's supposed to be|really nice at this time of the year.

Hey. This is important.

We intercepted an interstellar|message that leads us to believe...

...that last night you were in|possession of the continuum transfunctioner.

Where is it now?

The who what?

The continuum transfunctioner is a|very mysterious and powerful device...

and?

...and it's mystery is|exceeded only by it's power.

I'm sorry but we don't|remember a thing about last night.

You must be careful.

Danger follows the continuum transfunctioner.

So says Zoltan.

Zoltan.

I'll tell you what. You know...

...we'll keep our eyes up for|the continual|transthing and if we see it

we'll give you a call.

Yes, you must.

But remember. You are in great danger.

Trust no one.

Except for us.

Oh yes. Thank you Jeff. Good point.

Trust no one except for us.

Zoltan.

Wait a second. Let's recap.

Last night we lost my car. We accepted|stolen money from transsexual stripper.

And now some space nerds wants us to|find something we can't pronounce.

I hate to say it Chester but maybe|we should cut back on the shibbying.

Thanks dude.

Oh good! You're right on time.

You pick up special suits.

Mr. Lee. Tailor. Make special suits for you.

Come on.

Dude, you've got a tattoo!

So are you dude.

No.

Dude, what does mine tattoo say?

Sweet.

What about mine?

Dude. What does mine say?

Sweet. What about mine?

Dude. What does mine say?

Sweet. What about mine?

Dude. What does mine say?

Sweet. What about mine?

Dude. What does mine say?

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Philip Stark

Philip Stark is an American television and film screenwriter. A native of Houston, Texas, Stark graduated with a degree in Radio-Television-Film (RTF) from The University of Texas at Austin in 1995.He is best known for his film Dude, Where's My Car? from 2000, and he wrote the script for a sequel, Seriously Dude, Where's My Car, which did not make it into production. Prior to this, he was a writer and script editor for That '70s Show and he has also written for South Park. In 2000, along with his friend, animator Graham Robertson, Stark created the online cartoon parody of the Budweiser "Whassup?" commercial featuring clips from the Superfriends.Since June 2003, Stark has been working on the script for video-game comedy Rad Brad, Modern Warrior for New Line Cinema with Jack Black attached as a producer and possible lead. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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