Dude, Where's My Car? Page #3

Synopsis: Roommates Jesse and Chester, both who have more than just a few cards short of a full deck, are stoner dudes who don't even do their jobs as pizza delivery guys well. They awaken one morning having little recollection of what they did the previous night, due to being wasted. They discover that their kitchen is full of prepackaged pudding, how they got all the pudding they are unaware. From a telephone message they receive, they come to the realization that at some point during the previous night they were at a party at the house of their girlfriends, twins Wanda and Wilma, and that today is their one year anniversary, which they did remember as they already bought the twins gifts. But the worst thing in not remembering what happened last night is that Jesse's car is missing. In trying to find out what happened to the car, they believe they have to recreate the feeling and mindset of last night, meaning getting wasted all over again. In trying to find the car, they, being the types that
Director(s): Danny Leiner
Production: 20th Century Fox
  5 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
30
Rotten Tomatoes:
18%
PG-13
Year:
2000
83 min
$44,992,961
Website
2,552 Views


Sweet. What about mine?

Dude. What does mine say?

Sweet. What about mine?

Dude. What does mine say?

Sweet.

Idiots!

Got it?

Sorry.

Shibby.

Very sharp, very sharp. You two number one|extra special very good looking guys.

So we bought these last night?

Oh yeah. You were pretty

'wasted'

last night.

How much are these?

Oh, you already paid for. I just do|some minor alteration. You know.

Add the secret pockets you ordered.

Hey, maybe we've got the continual transfaker

Oh dude!

Dude!

Sweet.

Cool.

Excuse me, but how|did we pay for these suits?

Oh, you pay cash, cold, hot, cash,|crispy new hundred dollar bills.

Hey, you didn't by chance see what|car we were driving, did you?

Me? No. I don't see no car.

Hello.

Dude, we bought cell phones.

That's not all we bought dude.

Shibby!

Man, I can not believe we leased a car last night.

But who's Johnny Potsmoker?

That's my alter ego.

Oh big, no, I thought that was my alter ego.

No. That's my alter ego.

Your alter ego is Smoky The Pot.

Dude, you're never gonna figure that thing out.

OK dude. There it is. Break time's over.

Time to find my car.

This is impossible.

Are you Jesse and Chester?

Huh?

Are you Jesse and Chester?

I don't know. Why?

If you are Jesse and Chester perhaps|we will give you erotic pleasure.

That's us!

Right here.

We are looking for the continuum transfunctioner.

Who are you guys?

We're not guys.

We're hot chicks.

She's totally right.

The continuum transfunctioner is a|very mysterious and powerful device

...and...

...and it's mystery is only exceeded by it's power.

That doesn't really help.

We will give you pleasure now if|you give us the continuum transfunctioner.

Let me get your proposition straight.

First, you give us the pleasure,|then we give you the continuum transfunctioner?

No. First, you give us the continuum transfunctioner,|then we give you the pleasure.

I heard that one before.

Hey look. How about this.

You give... me the pleasure then we'll|give you the continuum transfunctioner

then if there's time you|can take care of my friend.

Dude

Deal.

Sweet.

Will you wait a second? Please.

Come here.

Dude, those space nerds told us not to trust anybody.

Yeah. But for the love of God.

They're offering us oral pleasure.

Why?

Hey. Where did hot chicks go?

Where's my money boys?

We were just going to get it.

You guys picked the wrong|transsexual stripper to screw with.

You're pitching me.

Let's see what the cops have to say about this.

Chester!

I saw this on COPS. Hit the board and hit back.

Bye, bye boys.

Hey, can you go on the siren?

So, you're sticking to the|'I don't remember' crap?

Yeah. We don't remember.

Last night your car was spotted|leaving the scene of a major drug deal.

Wait. You found my car?

Believe me you guys got more|important things to worry about right now.

Where were you between the|hours of midnight and 2AM last night?

I told you. OK? We|don't remember anything.

See we're gonna have to do this the hard way.

Where were you last night|between the hours of midnight and 2AM?

We, we don't know.

Now do you remember?

- No.|- No.

How about now?

No.

Hey, leave him alone. He doesn't know anything.

Now are you ready to talk?

Dude, we don't remember.

OK. Here're the whips you guys wanted.

Hey. It's the donut guys.

Yeah, these two were at the frenchy donut|house last night when me and Louie came in.

We started talking and they ended|up buying donuts for the whole precinct.

Uuuh, what time did all this happen?

Let's see. Must have been between midnight and 2AM.

Damn.

You can't be the guys we're looking for.

Sorry.

Hang in there bro.

Come on Kojak.

Listen. I'm really sorry about all this.

Looks like it was a|case of a mistaken identity.

Actually those are the|real criminals over there.

One of our officers made a wrong identification.

Yeah. I'm... That was me.|I'm sorry about that one fellows.

Rick here will tell you exactly where your car is.

- We found the car.|- We found the car.

We found the car!!!

Now we get the anniversary gifts, go|to the twins house and get our special treats.

Sweet.

All right Rick. Give us|the keys and we're out of here.

You got it.

Oh boy. Oh, boy.

What's the problem Rick?

Nothing. I just..., oh boy, ok, geeze...

Did you guys say you wanted|your car back or you wanted it impounded?

We want the car back.

That's kind of funny, coz what happened was|I accidentally sent your car to the impound.

Rick

I know. I can definitely tell you this.|You guys can get the car back in a couple of days.

We don't have couple of days.|We need the car back now.

Say, how about a treat,|with bavarian cream.

That's a good one there. That's a good pick.

It's great. I have a lot of them.

You know what Rick? Forget about it.

Sure?

Sike. Cheeze?

Hey, you got me. Hey fellows who's the goose? Me.

Damn.

Have you seen Jesse and Chester?

What?

We're looking for Jesse and Chester.

I don't know where those two slackers|are but I bet you those punks over there do.

So they don't remember? I said later dudes.

What are you doing hanging |out with those jerks anyway?

They were just being nice|to me unlike someone I know.

You know maybe it's time I find|someone who has more sensitive side Dan.

Someone who respects me as a person.|Maybe somebody like Jesse and Chester.

Ok guys, listen up.

We're gonna find Jesse and Chester|and when we do - stoner bashing time.

Do you know Jesse and Chester?

Who are you?

We're hot chicks.

Yes you are.

We believe Jesse and Chester have|the continuum transfunctioner, however...

...if you recover the the continuum|transfunctioner from them|and bring it to us...

...we will give you erotic pleasure.

You've got yourselves a deal.

OK guys, ok guys, new plan:

First, we find those stoners, get|the continuum transfunctioner then...

...it's jurk bashing time.

Yeah!

Oh yeah. And I just remembered where you|might be able to find Jesse and Chester

We sent those chicks to meet the twins|St. Margarets' School For Blind Boys. Outdoor Activities Day.

That'll put those dudes in some hot water.

Try it again.

OK. Just knock it out of the bark Bobby. OK?

Alright. Give it a shot.

OK. You almost got it that time. Now just...

...concentrate on the|beep and swing as hard as you can...

...and keep your ear on the ball. OK?

Alright little buddy, you can do it.

I did it!!!

Do you know Jesse and Chester?

Pardon me?

We're looking for Jesse|and Chester. Have you seen them?

Who are you?

We're extremely hot chicks with large breasts.

Really?

Do you mind if I touch your face?|It's the only way I can really see who I'm talking to.

OK.

Wow! You are hot!

Is this... normal?

Oh yeah. This is how blind people shake hands.

What the...? Sis!

Excuse me... little help...

Anthony, Anthony what is going on?

Nothing. I was just reading.

Bye ladies. I need to be alone now.

We are looking for Jesse and Chester

Who are you guys?

We are not guys. We are hot chicks.

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Philip Stark

Philip Stark is an American television and film screenwriter. A native of Houston, Texas, Stark graduated with a degree in Radio-Television-Film (RTF) from The University of Texas at Austin in 1995.He is best known for his film Dude, Where's My Car? from 2000, and he wrote the script for a sequel, Seriously Dude, Where's My Car, which did not make it into production. Prior to this, he was a writer and script editor for That '70s Show and he has also written for South Park. In 2000, along with his friend, animator Graham Robertson, Stark created the online cartoon parody of the Budweiser "Whassup?" commercial featuring clips from the Superfriends.Since June 2003, Stark has been working on the script for video-game comedy Rad Brad, Modern Warrior for New Line Cinema with Jack Black attached as a producer and possible lead. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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