Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off Page #3
- TV-G
- Year:
- 2003
- 110 min
- 188 Views
I'm in the vegetable category
in the cook-off.
Okay, that's one.
I've got one standard
for Sharon Pauline Solfest.
No, it's Sharon and Pauline.
It's two rooms.
We're engaged.
It'll be a little alone time
for us,
- so it's a little romantic getaway.
- Actually,
we were thinking
of actually possibly,
possibly making love on this.
But I will tell you what.
If this hotel only has one room,
we will work with that.
The decision to remain chaste
until we're married
was definitely my idea.
I mean, I think it's wise
to get to know somebody
really on the outside
before I go,
you know, just rooting around
on the inside.
Where do you want Lars
to set up your bed?
- No, no.
- -Over there.
No, I'll take the bed.
- I'll take the rollaway bed.
- Oh honey, that's crazy.
I don't mind sleeping
in the rollaway.
There is no way, as a gentleman,
with you
with what I want to do to you
in front of your sister.
So I had better,
for everybody's safety,
I better just take
the rollaway bed.
We can put the Bible
between you.
Do you remember the story of the
little boy and the soecker kaka?
Yeah. He loves this story.
He tells it all the time.
Well, it's a good story and it's
right for our relationship.
He was mixing the eggs and the
little boy tries to eat them.
"No, wait." Flour,
he tries to eat.
- "No, wait." The sugar.
- "No, wait." "No, wait."
"No, wait." "No, wait."
is ready."
And I want to wait
in our relationship
'til that soecker kaka is ready.
Well, I am willing to wait
for the soecker kaka
if you are willing to wait
for the soecker kaka.
I have to wait.
Wee, muffin... aah!
There he is, muffin man!
Just like on TV.
- Now, Mr. Swazy...
- Sweezy.
That's what I said.
Got the muffin man here.
Ladybug Briggs's biscuits
are going to be the thing.
- They gonna win.
- Well...
We gonna have the first
African American winner
of Van Rookle cook-off.
Be very nice.
Of course, we don't know.
We know it's going to happen,
but...
I'm a man of the cloth.
you know what I'm saying?
- I know.
- Well...
Just a little snuggling,
a little, like, leading up into
what our marriage is going to be.
We haven't ever even
been in a bed together.
Do you know back in college,
they called me full throttle,
and that's for one reason only.
I don't have a medium.
I don't have a low gear.
I can't imagine being this close
to you, lying down...
- Yeah.
- Without going f-u-l-l throttle.
Don't get me wrong,
I would love,
at this very moment,
to just rip her open like
a Christmas package,
but I can't do that.
- Oh, listen to you.
- I've promised myself
that I'm going to stay chaste.
I mean, I want this lady,
um... every day,
uh... all day.
- But I have...
- And at night.
- And at night. At night.
- Every day and all night.
But I have to literally
hold myself back
from just destroying everything
I've worked for.
Would it be weird to anyone
if I took the sheet off of here
and hung it
between the two beds?
I'm not supposed to
take off my head.
Is that right? Is that a rule?
I guess I just broke that rule,
but to be on TV,
that seemed like a good reason.
This is the muffin man
and muffin man is our beloved
mascot who wears a mask.
Put it on.
So yeah. I'm sorry,
so muffin man can't speak.
Muffin man's a muffin.
We don't talk to muffin man.
We just... you can press
muffin man's belly
and he'll giggle,
and he's delicious.
So...
Cassandra, you're a contestant.
That's very exciting.
Your hair is very pretty.
To be a great chef, as I am,
you need that passion.
You need that innate,
instinctive skill,
and I have that.
That's in my bones.
That's in my DNA,
and unfortunately,
Cassandra shares DNA
with my ex-husband.
- I lack passion.
- She sure does.
- I'm more like my father.
- You know, he did have
one passionate little muscle
in there somewhere
for the nanny, and he took off
with that little nanny,
and now we realize
we don't need men.
Men leave. Men leave. That's
what mom always taught me.
- Men leave.
- Men leave.
Men leave. They leave.
Are you a contestant with
the Van Rookle farms cook-off?
I have been in the past.
Oh, really? Tell me about that.
Well, my name is Daneel Kuhar,
which I'm sure I probably
didn't have to tell you,
because I was in the competition
three times
and then after you do it
three times,
you're no longer permitted
to do it.
- Three times and you're out.
- No.
Well, three times and then
you're the past dazzler, so...
Past dazzler. The past dazzler.
Right.
I pulled out all the
stops at the Idaho spudtacular
because there was a woman
there, Daneel Kuhar.
She's not a good person,
and so it was...
It became important to us
to win the spudtacular.
She set the potato salad aflame.
Which is, you know,
harder to do than you think.
It is not that easy to set
a potato salad on fire.
Wore this wonderful American
bikini with yellow ribbons,
welcoming the troops back
to the bosom of America.
S-h-a-r-o-n.
S-h-a-r-o-n.
- S-h-a-r-o-n.
- Yeah.
She's going to win the cook-off.
Um, I'm here to support my
sweetheart, the love of my life.
His name's Del Crawford.
He's going to win
with his
coco-nutty dream bars,
Del's coco-nutty dream bars.
You're going to cook
this damn thing,
you're going to win us
a million dollars
and that's all there is to it,
and then Sharon Solfest
can just suck it.
- Did I contribute to his recipe?
- True.
No, I wouldn't even go near
the kitchen when he was baking.
- I stay away.
- No, that's part of the rules.
And is it a really big check?
- I mean, the size of it.
- Oh yeah, it's a big ol' check.
It's one of those
big, crazy checks.
- They give it to you.
- That's good.
Yeah, you get to stand
on a podium,
you get a lot
of confetti thrown at you.
You get to have your day
in the sun.
Some of us will
never get to have that.
I just want the big check.
I don't want the confetti.
It's going to take the world
by storm,
this recipe
that he came up with.
Wow, a love story at the
Van Rookle farms cook-off.
There's nothing
better than that, is there?
- In a brew-haha.
- Hi, how are you?
- Not since the spudtacular, oh my gosh.
- I know.
- I just keep pouring. -That
might be a little much.
He is in the competition.
He's my honey and I'm here
to support him.
That's so great.
What are you making?
I'm doing a chocolate something.
And what's it called?
- It's... -You don't know
the name of your... oh.
I'm thinking for a second.
Let's just talk real.
That's not her boyfriend.
- What are you saying?
- I'm going to tell you what's going on.
They're cheating.
- You don't know they are.
- What'd you say?
They're cheating, because
you think that guy cooks?
He doesn't even know
the name of his recipe.
How do you come up with recipes?
I mean,
where's the inspiration from?
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