Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off Page #7

been a vegetable winner.

The odds of a meteor

crashing down into this room

and landing directly

on your hand.

Sharon has calculated the odds

of her sister, Pauline, winning.

- Why are you doing this?

- What do you mean?

I'm here, okay? I'm here. That's

a big thing for me, okay?

- I'm very proud of you for that. -I know,

you're the show pony of the family

and I'm the work horse,

but I got here, okay?

Why are you attacking me?

This is, like,

my moment in the sun

and all the sudden you...

And you insult me

in front of other people

and you put me down

all the time.

I am sick of it.

- Oh, I put you down?

- Yes, you do.

I don't know

what you are doing right now.

Oh, by the way,

I am not paying your

Mastercard bill this month.

I'm just thinking that maybe

the best thing for us...

Is don't speak.

Fine. I don't want

to talk to you.

You are married?

Uh... no.

Um...

Well, I haven't met Mr. right.

Um, I was engaged

and my mother thought that

he wasn't suitable for me,

- and I think she was right. -Well,

I hate to interrupt you there,

but I know you want to get back

to what you're cooking

and I don't want to

hold you up here.

Good luck to you

and all my best.

Oh...

I've never had a badge.

I get a badge!

I've never had a badge before.

I tried to do some police work

because I like a badge,

but they said absolutely not,

and I could not get up

that ladder wall anyway.

I've been pulled over

by the police

and that's what made me think

maybe it was a good fit,

because I always end up

talking to them

and we get along pretty well.

I mean, and not so well

when I'm arrested,

but if they let me off

that usually goes pretty well.

I burned my pie.

Yeah, what is it?

Okay, we have a code red.

Code red! Fire in aisle,

what is it?

Well, what is it?

Aisle two.

- Where is it? What's smoking?

- It's right here.

I've got to go, mom.

Ah... ah!

- Is it on fire?

- No, here.

Cassandra, don't embarrass me.

Well, that's not a fire.

That's not a fire.

I was called for a fire.

That's just a burned pie.

Stop looking stupid!

- I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize to me.

I mean, you've got

a little bit of time.

If you want to make it again,

you have the time.

- You have the ingredients. -Okay,

I'm going to make it again.

I'm going to make it again.

I can make it again.

I can make it again.

I'm going to make it again

and I'm going to do it my way.

My name is Pauline Solfest

and I'm the other...

- What are you making?

- Cream corn.

- Oh...

- That looks good though.

Cream corn makes me sick,

but good luck.

It makes me really sick.

Cream corn kind of...

It never really changes form.

I think it goes in

like it comes out.

Are you concentrating?

Are you concentrating?

You know what?

You can take this recipe

and shove it.

Honey, listen to me. Listen to me.

Listen to me.

I never wanted to do this

in the first place.

You made me do this.

You know what?

Because you're a has-been!

I'm not a has-been!

I'm not a has-been!

I taught her everything!

I taught you everything!

That actually looks

and smells awfully good.

It is very good,

and again it's super easy.

I mean, if you were blind,

you could make it.

You know, if you were blind,

you could still cook, you know?

You have one minute left

for the Van Rookle's

- one million dollar contest.

You only have, like,

thirty seconds.

Yes, just go. Go!

Please hand in your recipes now.

It's not Browning!

It's not Browning!

It's not Browning!

It's not Browning!

Do you have a lighter?

Do you have your lighter?

Her dish is not finished.

I think she's going to

go with it as it is.

Everybody is bringing

their food down.

She's going to have to

bring it up.

It's not Browning.

It's not Browning!

I can't serve it

if it's not brown.

This is what it boils down to,

the final moment

where these people

are rushing towards the station.

Okay, I'm doing it.

- I still have it!

I have to disqualify you

if the food touches the ground.

- No, it's not!

- Another technicality.

- I'm sorry. -Honey, he said

it touched the ground.

I think you touched the ground.

I don't write them.

I just read them.

So if you touched the ground,

that's disqualified.

What would you have done with the

million dollars if you did win?

Excuse me, that is

a very unkind question.

I would fire him and I'd get a

new Van and I'd find my mother.

Her food has touched the ground,

and excuse me,

but I think Timothy whims

is taking a little bit too much

pleasure in that fact.

I think he's an a**hole.

It's the end of day one at the

Van Rookle farms cook-off

and tensions are running high.

It's been a big emotional day.

We don't know who

the seven finalists are.

We will find out that tomorrow.

In the meantime,

the contestants will be

going to a party tonight

to let their hair down a little

bit and tear it out perhaps.

But there have been a couple

of disqualifications.

Cassi was eliminated today,

is that right?

I am so humiliated.

Cassandra, this is

your mother speaking.

You are a sick,

sick little puppy,

and I don't want you

to come home

until you get help with some

mental health professional.

I feel liberated.

I feel liberated right now.

My father left us

because she's a b*tch, okay?

My father couldn't handle her,

all right?

And any time any man

would come around,

she would scare them away.

You know what?

Tonight, I'm going to

the first guy I see.

I'm going to him.

And all the recipes are in.

No one knows who's going to be

in the ring of fire,

the seven finalists.

So you feel okay about

how it went today, huh?

- Yeah. -Okay, so maybe you'll be

in the ring of fire tomorrow.

- He's shy.

- I like some chocolate cake.

- I like vanilla pudding.

- Okay. Okay.

Whoo! Yeah!

You know, what if they both made

it into the finals tomorrow?

Wouldn't that be something?

If that happens,

I will probably sprout wings

from my bottom and fly out

of here butt first, okay?

That's not going to happen.

I'm just questioning

the wisdom of fraternizing

with a corporate symbol

is all I'm saying.

I'm questioning the wisdom of you

walking around with your hoo-has

sticking out of your what-nots.

Someone's going to drop

a meatball down there.

These biscuits represent

an opportunity for your coming

to metastasize his reach

into the black community.

Hey, remember that guy,

Del Crawford?

- Oh right, yeah. -Remember him,

I asked for a background check.

You're a cheater.

He's cooking your recipe.

It's so obvious.

- He is the love of my life.

- Oh.

We met over a love of chocolate

in France and you're jealous.

You are a pretender

to the throne.

Not cool.

You know what, Daneel?

You're going to get caught.

Love your blouse.

I have one like that actually.

So anyway, my favorite ice cream

is butter pecan.

- What's yours?

- Butter pecan.

Oh, it is not!

It is not! It is not!

I've been thinking about it.

I think that

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes