Elegy

- We're not all descended from the Puritans.

- No?

There was another colony,

It's not on the maps today.

Merrymount.

Ah, right,

you mentioned in your book...

The colony where anything goes... went.

There was booze...

There was booze, fornication,

there was music...

They even...

you name it...

They even danced round the Maypole

once a month, wearing masks,

worshiping god knows what, Whites and

Indians together all going for broke.

Who was responsible for all of this?

A character by the name of

Thomas Morton.

Ah... The Hugh Hefner of the Puritans.

You can say that.

I will read you a quote of what the

Puritans thought of

Morton's followers.

"Debauched aliens and atheists

falling into great licentiousness

and leading degenerate lives. "

When I heard that, I packed my bags,

I left Oxford, I came straight to America.

America the licentious.

So what happened

to all of those people?

The Puritans shut them down,

they sent in Miles Standish,

Leading the militia, who chopped down the

Maypole, cut down those coloured ribbons,

Banners everything.

The party was over.

And we became a nation of

strait-laced Puritans.

Well...

Isn't that your point though?

The Puritans won.

They stamped out, all things sexual

How would you say?

- Sexual happiness.

- Exactly.

Until the 1960's.

Until the 1960's, where it all

exploded again all over the place.

Right, everyone was dancing

around the Maypole,

then, "make love, not war".

If you remember,

only a decade earlier,

If you wanted to have sex,

if you wanted to make love in the 1950s,

You had to beg for it,

you had to cop a feel...

Or get married.

As I did in the 1960's.

Any regrets?

Plenty.

But that's my secret.

Don't tell anybody.

That's just between you and me.

I think it was Bette Davis who said:

"Old age is not for sissies"

But it was Tolstoy who said that

"the biggest surprise in

a man's life is old age".

Old age sneaks up on you,

and the next thing you know you're

asking yourself, I'm asking myself,

Why can't an old man act his real age?

How is it possible for

me to still be involved

in the carnal aspects of the human comedy?

Because, in my head,

nothing has changed.

Her name was Consuela Castillo

and she was my student.

This course is called

"Practical Criticism".

So... Let's go!

Right to the big question, shall we?

Does "War and Peace"

become a different book

because we read it?

Yes, of course.

But why?

Because we bring something to the book?

We bring ourselves.

What's more, if you read the book again

in 10 years, it will change again,

because you've changed.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I've always been vulnerable

to female beauty,

Ms. Castillo was different,

her posture was perfect.

And she dressed like a

young associate

of a prestigious law firm.

There was a sophistication,

that set her apart.

She knows she's beautiful.

But she's not yet sure what

to do with her beauty.

No, don't take notes.

Because honestly, it's not worth it.

Really, don't give it a thought.

A work of art reminds you of

who you are now.

Since they posted the sexual harassment

hotline number down the hall from my office,

I never make private contact

with any of my students

until they've received their grades.

Afterwards I always throw a cocktail party

for the class.

And it's always a success.

Professor Kepesh,

we saw you on TV last night.

You were great.

Thank you. Charlie Rose was pretty

good too wasn't he?

Well, yes.

- You were great.

- Have a lovely evening.

- Thank you.

It's a colossus of perspective. It depends

on who's observing, right professor Kapesh?

Westerners see Islamic integralists as

primitive and dangerous while,

Islamic integralists see

Americans as depraved and corrupt.

Nothing's changed since the crusades.

We need an alliance of civilizations...

- Ms. Castillo.

- Hi, professor.

- Is this a real letter from Kafka?

- Yes.

Yes, it's one of the original letters

that he wrote to Milena.

It was a gift from someone.

Someone close to you.

Someone who was close

to me, Miss Castillo.

Consuela.

We're not in class.

We don't need to be so formal.

Consuela.

- Do you play the piano?

- Yeah.

Would you play for us?

Too many people.

I'd freeze.

You know there's something about you

that invites a kind of formality.

What do you mean?

You have a kind of elegant austerity.

Austerity?

Something like that.

Well, I guess I got that from my father.

He is austere...

and proud.

Very Cuban.

Cuban?

My whole family is Cuban.

I was 11 years old when I came.

Did you go straight to college

from high school?

No, I was a legal secretary

in a law firm.

You worked.

I tried it, but I didn't like it.

My parents always hoped

I would go to college,

So I made up my mind

and here I am.

I want to show you something.

- Here we are.

- Goya.

- What's this one called?

- "La Maja Vestida."

And?

- And?

- She resembles you.

You resemble her.

Really?

Yes.

I think so.

What do you think?

I don't know.

The eyes, maybe.

Why all this talk about Kafka,

Goya and her Cuban family?

Don't get me wrong, it's great that her

family's Cuban and she enjoys my class.

But I go on yakking away mainly

because I want to f*** her.

- What can I say?

- True.

The room is full of spies.

I love music.

Excuse me.

I love opera, my grandfather

takes me to the Opera,

And I adore theater.

I review plays for a magazine.

Would you like to go with me

sometime to the theater?

- Yes.

- Sorry.

Go to the theater?

- Why don't you take her to the prom?

- I get it.

This girl is...

She's a throw-back to a completely

different time. She has to be wooed.

I thought we were talking about sex.

You know for a Pulitzer Prize winning poet,

sometimes you display a

remarkable lack of imagination.

That's why they gave me the f***ing prize.

Don't tell me you've never been

through the process of talking the talk.

That's why I have a family for

Christ's sake. I talk to them.

Maybe you should get married again.

George!

Talk the talk with your wife if you

feel like it, go to the museums,

look at all the Goyas that you want,

but keep the sex part just for sex.

Alright.

Do you really still talk

to your wife, George?

No. One all.

I'm not hitting that.

Sneaking off for a smoke?

- You know you shouldn't smoke.

- You tell me that

in this bed, every 3 weeks.

- I'm under a lot of pressure.

- I like to be consistent.

So do I.

You've been trying to get me

to quit smoking for 20 years.

Since the first day of your class.

Oh my God, your class made me smoke.

I'm under a lot of stress.

- Oh, how was Chicago?

- Cleveland.

Chicago was last week.

Atlanta's next week.

You sound like Cary Grant

in "North by Northwest".

Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha!

Ha ha, laugh, just try being a

woman running your own business.

I thought you liked

being your own boss.

I do. Oh, I do, I do.

Thank god for these little interludes.

That's all I can say.

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