Fathers' Day Page #3

Like the good pure syrup

that had started to ferment,

And that you yourself

had soured with old age.

And look, I thought that

in your own spiritual way

You were trying to say that

you didn't want her to make

The same mistakes that you did.

I love you goddammit.

Oh, shoot.

I'm not even

supposed to say that.

I'm going to be doing Hail

Mary's until the freaking

Cows come home.

Gosh darn it.

Gosh darn it.

I'm like a tree, I said that?

Yes, in a way.

Christ.

Oh!

I'm taking you to the airport.

No, John.

Please, take me to my hotel.

I've got a lot of

thinking to do.

OK.

But John, one thing.

You don't call a man a tree.

I know.

I know.

CHELSEA:
Make yourself

at home, Twink.

I've got to wash

that place off me.

Do you want any

help with that, baby?

What is wrong with you?

All right, sorry.

Don't get your f***ing

titties in a twist, babe.

Don't forget whose

house you're in, Walnut.

And don't talk to me like

I'm one of those c*nts

On the corner of 42nd.

Or I swear to God I will turn

your cock into kue basah.

[Scoffs]

Jesus Christ, you'd think

I'd got you pregnant.

What?

Shut up.

You got somebody pregnant?

You sound like

that clit Lauren.

What about Lauren?

F***!

You popped my balls, b*tch.

What about Lauren?

What are you talking

about, Walnut?

She calls me up, tells

me she's pregnant,

She's going to have a kid.

I don't want a f***ing kid.

Look at me.

Oh, my God.

Hey, uh, mind if I

smoke this in here?

Yeah, actually I do mind.

F***!

Oh, no, not again.

CHELSEA:
Don't worry,

Twink, I've got

A flashlight in the kitchen.

No!

Walnut?

Walnut?

Walnut?

WALNUT:
I'm right here, man.

Chill out.

What kind of f***ing

dump did you bring me to?

TWINK:
Did you really

get that girl pregnant?

CHELSEA:
I got it!

[Choking]

[Snarling]

[Screams]

[Erratic breathing]

[Gunshots]

[Screams]

Chelsea, it's Ahab.

Hello?

Chelsea?

[Glass shatters]

[Laughter]

Ahab?

TWINK:
Ahab?

[Groans]

A fish bowl to the

head, are you kidding me?

I'm sorry.

You look like Fuchman.

That son of a b*tch

killed my best friend

Right here in front of me.

OK.

So this here is...

Was his friend Walnut.

Yeah.

Chelsea, this is exactly

what I'm talking about.

Chris Fuchman in your apartment.

You could have been killed.

Those eyes, you know?

Those eyes.

I had him, Ahab.

I shot him right there.

He escaped through

the kitchen window.

Why didn't he kill you?

Chelsea, if anything

were to happen to you,

I don't what I'd do with myself.

Why don't you just get out

of the city for a few days.

I'm going after Fuchman alone.

I'm coming with you.

OK.

That f*** is going down.

Who is this kid again?

Who is the one that

does all the research?

Who picks up the bread crumbs

that those stupid cops leave

Behind?

Me!

So don't make this some

bullshit boys' club.

Chelsea, I have nothing left.

You're the only person.

[knocking at door]

DETECTIVE STEGEL (A DOOR): Open the door.

It's the police.

Stegel!

What do we do?

I have a plan.

I'll get you guys out of here,

and I'll deal with Stegel.

But you have to

take me with you.

Take me with you, or

you talk to Stegel

And explain to him why you're

here drenched in the blood

Of a street-ho mother f***er.

Hey!

Meet me a the Low

Life in an hour.

Detective Stegel.

What a pleasant surprise.

Has there been a

break in the case?

Who are you

talking to in there?

Just some friends.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize.

Ma'am.

Don't worry.

They were just leaving.

See you girls later.

Now... what can I do for you?

Oh!

Ah, that was close one.

I just hope Chelsea's all right.

That girl can take

care of herself.

The Low Life's that way, man.

We're not going

to the Low Life.

[Music playing]

Is someone there?

John, is that you?

[Coughing]

You.

After all these years

you've come for me.

[Coughing]

My boy has returned.

Do to me as you wish.

Nothing will stop

the inevitable.

[Air whooshing]

The Fuchman.

I miss you, Dad.

I wanted to do good by

you, but I let you down.

I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

What's this?

Dig.

I got that much.

Dig why?

Oh, gross.

Gross, gross, gross gross.

I guess you're pretty sad

your dad's not in there, huh?

[Music playing]

[Gasps]

Ahab, you piece of sh*t.

As I'm sure all

of you have heard,

Father O'Flynn was taken

from us late last night.

First off, I would like to thank

all of you for your kind words

This morning.

In our time of grief, let

us not forget Romans 14:7.

For none of us

liveth to himself,

No man dieth to himself.

[Laughs]

OK.

Wow.

Death.

Let's talk about that white

elephant in the room today.

Like so many others,

Father O'Flynn was taken

From us much, much too early.

I know many of you are asking,

wasn't he like 100 years old?

Honestly, I don't know.

The poor man could only

enjoy boiled water.

Nevertheless, that didn't

change the importance that he

Held in all of our lives.

My life.

My life.

God has mercifully

ensured that our suffering

Diminishes with time.

But where, my brother and

sisters may I ask you,

Is God right now?

Where is God, huh?

Is he under this podium?

Oh, hello, God?

Nope.

A beautiful,

defenseless, impossibly

Old man is viciously

murdered and God

Does nothing to stop it.

Nothing!

Oh, look at me.

I'm God.

I sit on my fat ass!

I don't hear anything.

No lightening.

No storms.

Not a raindrop.

And I just ripped him, I

just ripped him a new one.

And I find myself asking,

what would Jesus do?

Huh?

Where is he?

Rose from the dead, didn't he?

Moved a great big

rock and all that.

Is he himself going

to punish the wicked?

F*** no.

So I'm going to do it for him.

Let's tear this place apart!

[Music playing]

[Growling]

[Grunting]

FUCHMANICHISTS:
Hail

the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

Hail the Fuchmanicus.

[Gunshots]

Padre.

TWINK:
Oh, Christ.

Not quite but close.

What?

Close to Christ.

What brings you here, Padre?

I had to find you to

tell you that Father

O'Flynn was killed last night.

TWINK:
Christ, Ahab.

Let's go get this guy.

FATHER SULLIVAN:

That's right, Ahab.

You must kill the Fuchman.

I wish to help you.

[Scoffs]

You?

Look, man, I'm sorry

about your buddy.

I am.

But this just isn't for you.

[Music playing]

That's the rest of it.

Now we end this tonight.

Great.

Well, where to?

[Sighs]

We should have thought

this out better.

OK.

Back to the Low Life.

Cool.

More naked women, exactly

what I want to see.

I've never seen one.

My door is locked.

My door is locked.

My door is locked.

Can't you read

the f***ing sign?

Employees only.

[Grunts]

[Music playing]

[Chainsaw whirs]

I'm going to turn you into a

pinata, mashed potato hand.

[Yelling]

[Chainsaw revs]

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