Ferris Bueller's Day Off

1 BLACK SCREEN1

MAIN TITLES:

IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD

IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS.

KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG

BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE

YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY

LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL

LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A

SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS.

FATHER'S VOICE (TOM)

Where's my wallet?!

SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD)

YOU IDIOT!!

TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY)

MOM!

TODD:

SHUT-UP!

EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE)

I NEED A TOWEL!!

TOM:

JOYCE!

KIMBERLY:

(whispers, sadistic)

When you turn ten, your head's going

to swell up real big like a watermelon

and we're going to have to put you

to sleep like they do with a dog.

TODD:

MOM!

TOM:

JOYCE!!

JEANIE:

WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!!

TOM:

Where's Mom?

TODD:

Is my head going to swell up?

TOM:

What?!

JEANIE:

OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!!

MOTHER (JOYCE)

(screams)

TOM!

The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering

through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP.

TODD:

What's that?

KIMBERLY:

Wait! Hold still!

TODD:

What?!

KIMBERLY:

You heads starting to swell up!!

Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running

through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the

hallway. A door open.

TOM:

(breathless)

What's the matter?

JOYCE:

(worried)

It's Ferris!

TOM:

What's wrong?

JOYCE:

(snaps)

What's wrong? For Christ's sake!

Look at him!

2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS2

An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA.

His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat

and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.

3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3

Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at

bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties.

Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed

for work.

TOM:

Ferris?

JOYCE:

He doesn't have a fever. But he says

his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.

4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS4

His lifeless eyes blink.

5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5

Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead.

TOM:

What's the matter, Ferris?

JOYCE:

Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.

Tom takes one of Ferris' hands.

TOM:

(discreetly)

Should you call the doctor?

JOYCE:

(whispers)

He doesn't want me to.

TOM:

Why don't you want Mom to call

the doctor?

Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can

manage is a choked gasp.

TOM:

What?

Ferris tries again.

FERRIS:

(raspy)

Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.

He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down.

FERRIS:

I have a test today. I have to take it.

I want to get into a good college

so I can have a fruitful life...

JOYCE:

You're not going to school like

this.

(to Tom)

Maybe I should call the office and

tell them I won't be in.

FERRIS:

I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God!

He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes.

His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed

for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill.

JEAN:

Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?

JOYCE:

He doesn't feel well.

JEAN:

Yeah, right. Dry that one out

and you can fertilize the lawn.

TOM:

That's enough, Jeanie.

JEANIE:

You're not falling for this, are you?

Tell me you're not falling for this.

FERRIS:

Is that Jeanie? I can't see that

far. Jeanie?

JEANIE:

Pucker up and squat, Ferris.

JOYCE:

(annoyed)

Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school.

JEANIE:

(angry, defeated)

You're really letting him stay home?

I can't believe this. If I was bleeding

out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to

school. It's so unfair.

FERRIS:

Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie.

Be thankful that you're fit and have

your health. Cherish it.

JEANIE:

(to herself)

Oh, I wanna puke.

She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She

slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister,

KIMBERLY peek into the room.

KIMBERLY:

Myocardial infarction?

JOYCE:

Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right

down.

KIMBERLY:

Syphilitic meningitus? That would be

a huge family embarrassment.

TOM:

Get downstairs!

KIMBERLY:

If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo.

She turns sharply and exits.

TODD:

(worried)

Dad? Does my head look alright?

JOYCE:

Get downstairs! Now!

TODD:

Just answer me one question! Is it

swelling up? Kim said it was going

to get as big as...

KIMBERLY (OC)

A WATERMELON!

TODD:

(yells out the room)

Shut-up!

JOYCE:

Get downstairs! NOW!

Todd backs out of the room.

FERRIS:

I'll be okay. I'll just sleep.

Maybe I'll have an aspirin around

noon.

JOYCE:

(to Ferris)

I'm showing houses to the family

from California today but I'll be in

the area. My office'll know where

I am, if you need me.

TOM:

I'll check it with you, too.

FERRIS:

It's nice to know I have such

loving, caring parents. You're

both very special people.

6 CU. FERRIS 6

He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7

She strokes Ferris' hair.

JOYCE:

I hope you feel better, pumpkin.

She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his

shoulder.

TOM:

Get some rest.

8 CU. FERRIS 8

Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents

to the door.

JOYCE (OC)

We love you, sweetie.

TOM (OC)

Call if you need us.

They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift

from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across

his lips.

FERRIS:

They bought it.

The MTV theme music ROARS IN.

9 CU. TV SCREEN 9

The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing.

10 INT. BEDROOM 10

Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom

disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.

FERRIS:

Incredible! One of the worst performances

of my career and they never doubted it

for a second.

(looks out the window)

What a beautiful day!

He turns from the window.

FERRIS:

Parents always fall for the clammy hands.

It's physical evidence of illness. It's

a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are

generally pretty hip to the fever scams.

And to make them work you have to go a hundred

and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous

mother and you end up in a doctor's office

and that's worse than school.

He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV

broadcast. A NEW SONG begins.

FERRIS:

Fake a stomach cramp and when you're

doubled over, moaning and wailing, just

lick your palms. It's a little stupid

and childish but then so if high school.

Right?

He equalizes the sound a little.

FERRIS:

This is my ninth sick day with semester.

If I go for ten, I'm probably going to

have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely

must make this one count.

He exits into the hallway.

11 INT. BATHROOM 11

Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's

debris. He turns on the shower water.

FERRIS:

I don't care if you're fifty five

or seven, everybody needs a day off

now and then. It's a beautiful day.

How can I be expected to handle

high school?

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