Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #13

CAMERON:

What do you think Ferris is gonna

do?

EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND

They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT.

EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER

He's singing.

POLICE OFFICER:

YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD!

EXT. STREET. PUNKS

A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk.

PUNKS:

LOOK SO GOOD!

EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN

A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along.

WOMAN:

YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE!

TODDLERS:

LOOK SO FINE!

EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER

He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat.

TEENAGER:

COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER!

EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER

He singing along.

NEWSPAPER SELLER

TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER!

EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP

They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their

angleic voices.

CHOIR:

AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE!

EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS

With their brooms ready...

STREET CLEANERS:

KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE!

EXT. STREET. DECK

The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT".

EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND

The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up.

POLITICIANS AND WIVES

AH!

EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND

The CLERGYMEN stand.

CLERGYMEN:

AH!

EXT. STREET. VETERANS

Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms.

VETERANS:

AH!

EXT. STREET. FLOAT

Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale.

FERRIS:

AH!

EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH

The entire parade is at frenzy pitch.

PARADE:

AHHHHH!

The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED

HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE.

138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138

The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly,

Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening

shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO.

CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE

It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO.

CU. PARKING ATTENDANT

His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out.

Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO.

CU. RASTAMAN

His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO,

EXT. STREETS. KIDS

They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies

over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes

over them. SLO-MO.

139 CU. CAR GRILLE139

It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney

behind the wheel of his car.

EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE

Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up

and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house.

140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140

Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at

the top of the door. The doorbell rings.

141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141

It acknowledges the doorbell.

CU. CASSETTE PLAYER

It clicks on.

142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142

The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE.

FERRIS:

Who is it?

Rooney presses the intercom.

ROONEY:

This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd

like to have a word with you.

FERRIS' VOICE

I'm sorry I can't come to the door

right now. I'm very ill and I'm

afraid that in my weakened condition,

I could take a nasty spill down the

stairs and subject myself to further

school absenses.

There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again.

ROONEY:

B.S. Come down here.

FERRIS' VOICE

You can reach my parents at their

places of business. Thank you for

stopping by. I appreciate your concern

for my well-being. It will be remembered

long after this illness has past.

His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again.

ROONEY:

I'm not leaving until you come

down and talk to me.

FERRIS' VOICE

Have a nice day.

Rooney presses the intercom.

ROONEY:

I'm not leaving, Ferris.

There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The

pre-recorded litany starts over.

FERRIS' VOICE

Who is it?

Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording.

ROONEY:

Don't get smart with me Ferris!

FERRIS' VOICE

I'm sorry I can't come to the door

right now. I'm very ill and I'm

afraid that in my weakened condition...

Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out

what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious.

143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143

Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We

HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside.

FERRIS' VOICE

You may reach my parents at their

places of business.

144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144

Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window.

FERRIS' VOICE

I appreciate your conern for my

well-being. It will be remembered

long after...

145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145

A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to

come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts

the doggie door and peeks in the house.

HIS POV:

Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the

dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL.

CU. ROONEY

He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face

freezes.

FERRIS:

Have a nice day.

EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR

A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of

gnashing teeth and foam.

146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146

Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers.

CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE

They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted

strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is

embarrassed and revolted.

CAMERON:

How does she do that? One goes

one way, one goes the other.

FERRIS:

She's probably schizophrenic.

SLOANE:

Ferris, this is nauseating me.

Really. I'm losing respect for

you by the bucket.

FERRIS:

You don't think it's amazing that

we got in?

SLOANE:

Who wants to get in?

FERRIS:

Cameron looks like a toddler, for

Christ's sake. I'm talking about

a major achievement in false

identification.

SLOANE:

I'm not interested in watching

someone jiggle their mammary glands.

FERRIS:

Point well taken. But consider why

she does it. Why she does it and

you don't.

SLOANE:

I'm not a tramp.

FERRIS:

Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she

lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend.

A parent. A child...

(to CAMERA)

This kind of thing makes me a little

depressed. You may think because I'm

the age I am that I'm a sex maniac.

That sex is all I think about.

But that's not true. I'm a romantic.

I think alot of people my age are.

We think about love and matters of

the heart. And SAT scores and acne

aside, we worry about lonliness. It's

a terrible thing. And we feel it. I

feel it.

He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis

impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights

go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris

stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the

empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of

blue light.

FERRIS:

You know, someone said the world's a

stage and each must play a part.

Fate had me playing in love, with you

as my sweetheart. Act one was when we

met. I loved you at first glance. You

read your lines so cleverly and never

missed a cue. Then came act two. You

seemed to change. You acted strange.

And why, I've never known.

He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears

in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight.

FERRIS:

Honey, you lies when you said you

loved me and I had no cause to

doubt you. But I'd rather go on

hearing your lies than to go on

living without you. Now, the stage

is bare and I'm standing there with

emptiness all around and if you won't

come back to me, then they can bring

the curtain down...

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