Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #17

He begins to walk. We follow him.

FERRIS:

Sloane's a bigger problem. She still

has another year of high school. How

do I deal with that? I was serious when

I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't

just teenage infatuation. That's what my

parents call it. What do they call what they

have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation.

CU. CAMERON

His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair.

FERRIS (VO)

Cameron's never been in love. At

least no one's ever been in love

with him. He's gonna marry the first

girl he lays. And she's gonna treat

him like sh*t because he's gonna

kiss her ass for giving him what he's

built-up in his mind as the end-all,

be-all of human existance. She won't

respect him because you can't respect

someone who kisses your ass. It just

doesn't work.

CU. SLOANE

She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away.

SLOANE:

Ferris?

CU. FERRIS

He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA.

FERRIS:

I'm being tested here.

He starts back to the picnic table.

FERRIS:

My best friend has flipped-out.

Conventional wisdom would suggest

a visit to the nearest trauma

center. I wouldn't fault anybody

for doing that. My, personally,

I think this calls for something

new, something bold, something wet

and wild.

185 CU. JACUZZI JET185

UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles.

CU. BLASTER

A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES

UP.

CU. BEER CAN LID

The finger pops a beer.

CU. OREO PACKAGE

A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper.

INT. JACUZZI

Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their

clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed

in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still

catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer.

Sloane's eating Oreos.

FERRIS:

You feeling any better, Cameron?

SLOANE:

The water's really nice. I wish

you'd come in.

CU. CAMERON

Staring into space.

CAMERON:

Surgery...fire...move...

CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS

They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers

her his beer.

FERRIS:

Cameron? Do you think this because

of the car or is it a combination

of everything shitty in your life?

CU. CAMERON

He doesn't respond.

CAMERON:

Music...kiss...attack...

CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS

Sloane sips the beer.

FERRIS:

You just can't deal with anymore

sh*t? The car took you into the

red zone? Time for a reality check?

SLOANE:

Cameron? I could flip real easy, too.

There's nothing wrong with it. At one

time or another, everybody goes to

the zoo.

FERRIS:

Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe

he wasn't bullshitting himself.

CU. CAMERON

No response.

CAMERON:

Gesundheit...God...mercy...

EXT. BACKYARD

Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend.

CU. CAMERON

He smiles.

CU. SLOANE

She leans forward and stares at Cameron.

CU. FERRIS

He c*cks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to.

CU. CAMERON

He keels over forward.

EXT. BACKYARD

Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down,

face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for

him.

UNDERWATER:

Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk.

CU. SLOANE

She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water.

UNDERWATER:

Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water.

EXT. BACKYARD

Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi.

FERRIS:

CAMERON!

CU. CAMERON

His eyes are closed. He's lifeless.

CU. FERRIS

His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron.

CU. SLOANE

She's screaming.

CU. CAMERON

A smile spreads across his face.

CU. FERRIS

He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron.

EXT. JACUZZI

Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still

screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops

screaming.

SLOANE:

What?

FERRIS:

(Cameron)

You a**hole!

Cameron's smiling.

SLOANE:

What?

Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter.

Sloane's bewildered.

SLOANE:

What's so funny?

186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186

Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY

in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs

and chains. He's studying her.

BOY:

Drugs?

JEANIE:

No, thank you. I'm straight.

BOY:

I meant, are you here for drugs?

Jeanie stares at him.

JEANIE:

Why are you here?

BOY:

Drugs.

JEANIE:

I don't know why I'm here.

BOY:

Then why don't you go home?

JEANIE:

Why don't you put your thumb

up your butt?

The boy stares at her.

BOY:

You want to talk about your problem?

JEANIE:

With you? Are you serious?

BOY:

Yeah, I'm serious.

JEANIE:

Blow yourself.

Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks

back at him.

JEANIE:

You really want to know what's wrong?

The boy shrugs.

JEANIE:

Alright. If you've got the time,

I've got the troubles. In a nutshell,

I hate my brother. How's that?

BOY:

That's cool. Did you shoot him or

something?

JEANIE:

No, not yet.

The boy nods. He understands the emotion.

JEANIE:

I went home to confirm that the

shithead was ditching school and

a guy broke into the house and I

called the cops and they picked me

up for making a phoney phone call.

BOY:

What do you care if your brother

ditches school?

Jeanie stares at the boy.

JEANIE:

Why should he get to ditch school

when everybody else has to go?

BOY:

You could ditch.

JEANIE:

I'd get caught.

BOY:

So, you're pissed at him because

he ditches and doesn't get caught?

JEANIE:

Basically.

The boy nods knowingly.

BOY:

Then your problem is you.

JEANIE:

Excuse me?

BOY:

Excuse you. You oughta spend a little

more time dealing with yourself and

a little less time worrying about

what your brother does. It's just

an opinion.

Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold

and partly because he's so right.

BOY:

There's somebody you should talk

to.

Jeanie stares at him threateningly.

JEANIE:

If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose

a testicle.

BOY:

You know him?

CU. JEANIE'S HAND

It curls into a fist.

187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187

It's spinning rapidly.

CY. ACCELERATOR

A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down.

INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE

Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The

Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's

racing.

CAMERON:

The whole time I was just thinking

things over. I was like, meditating.

I was thinking about the future.

And I realized it doesn't make

and difference if the present

goes to sh*t.

FERRIS:

I have a agree with you there.

SLOANE:

Really.

CAMERON:

I've been thinking all day that if

you could only have the use of one

word, what would it be?

FERRIS:

Sloane is naked before your eyes and

you're thinking about words?

SLOANE:

God bless you, Cameron.

CAMERON:

Thank you, Sloane.

CAMERON:

If you guys only had one word, what

would it be?

FERRIS:

I can't believe you'd think up something

like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi

right in front of you.

SLOANE:

Come on, Ferris, answer his question.

FERRIS:

Bathroom.

SLOANE:

I'd say...

She thinks.

FERRIS:

Cash.

CAMERON:

It's the only word you could

ever use.

FERRIS:

Hello.

SLOANE:

Love.

FERRIS:

And what is you loathe somebody?

Are you going to say "love" every

time you see them?

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