Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #2

He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops

up.

FERRIS:

I do actually have a test. That wasn't

bullshit.

He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the

shower door we see Ferris' outline.

FERRIS:

That I care about it was.

12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12

Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up.

It's moulded into a fin with shampoo.

FERRIS:

It's on European socialism. I mean,

really. What's the point? I'm not

European. I don't plan to be European.

So, who gives a sh*t if they're socialists?

They could be fascist anarchists and it

still wouldn't change the fact that I

don't own a car.

He turns the shower head around and uses it like a

microphone.

FERRIS:

(sings)

WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY,

TWIST AND SHOUT...

13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13

Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around

his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different

color.

FERRIS:

Not that I condone fascism. Or

and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion

are not good. A person should not

believe in an "ism". He should

believe in himself. John Lennon

said it on his first solo album.

"I don't believe in Beatles, I

just believe in me." A good point

there. Afterall, he was the Walrus.

He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it.

FERRIS:

I could be the Walrus and I'd still

have to bum rides off people.

He passes CAMERA and goes into his room.

FERRIS (OC)

I'm not very political? Let me

put that into perspective...

14 INT. BEDROOM 14

Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed.

FERRIS:

My uncle went to Canada to protest

the war, right? On the Fourth of

July he was down with my aunt and he

got drunk and told my Dad he felt

guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam.

So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle

Jeff? In wartime you want to be a

pacifist and in peacetime you want

to be a soldier. It took you twenty

years to find out you don't believe

in anything?"

(snaps his fingers)

Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks.

(pause)

Be careful when you deal with old

hippies. They can be real touchy.

He opens his door.

15 INT. CLOSET15

The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts.

FERRIS:

My mother was a hippie. But she

lost it. She got old. If she listens

to the White Album now? She doesn't hear

music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is

her favorite drug. It'll probably be

mine, too. I hope not.

He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and

puts it on. He drops the towel.

16 INT. BEDROOM 16

He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his

underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the

top of the dresser. He picks it up.

FERRIS:

In eighth grade a friend of mine

made a bong out of one of these.

The smoke tasted like glue.

He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he

speaks.

FERRIS:

His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a

serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I

like him. I'm probably his only friend.

I do what I can for him. I mean, if

I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others,

right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station.

His father's dead and his sister's rumored

to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit.

She only puts out so people will hang out

with her. It's sad but I don't hold it

against her. Better to hold it against the

guys who use her and don't care about her.

(pause)

My parents never allowed Garth over here.

It was because of his family. Mainly his

older brother. He's in jail. I could see them

not wanting his brother here because he is

a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here.

I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of

artificial fruit just so he could see what

it was like to have his stomach pumped.

But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault

that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights

with the parents on that point. I always felt

for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once

and I was laying on the dark worrying that

his brother was going to come in and hack me

to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying.

I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing".

... Nothing was wrong. There was no

specific thing he was crying about.

In fact, he wasn't really even aware that

he was crying. He just cried himself to

sleep every night. It was a habit. The

guy's so conditioned to grief that if

he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How

could you possibly dump on guy who has to

deal with that kinda sh*t? My parents

acknowledge the trudge of the situation

and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel

for him but still the guy's banned from

our house.

He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet

door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his

speech as he disrobes.

FERRIS:

Unfortunately, now my parents have a

legit argument. Garth doesn't need his

brother to give him a rep anymore. He's

getting one on his own. He's lost. It's

over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from

school. Gone from life. His legacy is

a gas station.

17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17

Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely

different outfit.

FERRIS:

One very serious danger is playing

sick is that it's possible to believe

your own act.

18 INT. KITCHEN 18

Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the

refrigerator.

FERRIS:

That and boredom. Alot of people

ditch and feel great for about an

hour. Then they realize there's

nothing to do. TV and food. I myself

have ditched and gotten so bored I

did homework. Figure that sh*t out.

He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.

FERRIS:

You have to plan things out before

you take the day off. Otherwise

you get all nervous worrying about

what to do and all you get is grief

and the whole point is to take it

easy, cut loose and enjoy.

He crosses to the pantry.

FERRIS:

You blow your day and at about three

o'clock, when everybody's out of school,

you're going to wish you'd gone to

school so you could be out having

fun.

He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos.

FERRIS:

Avoid the misery. Plan your day.

Do it right.

19 INT. FAMILY ROOM19

Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair.

FERRIS:

There's alot of pressure at work

in my age group. And it's not always

recognized.

He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in

his lap.

FERRIS:

Some guy whose hair is falling out

and his stomach's hanging over his

belt and everything he eats makes

him fart, he looks at someone like

me and thinks, "This kid's young and

strong and has a full, rich future ahead

of him, what's he got to b*tch about?"

20 CU. PHONE 20

He punches out a number.

21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21

He remote controls the TV on.

FERRIS:

That's just one reason why I need a

day off every now and then.

22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22

A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A

prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER.

23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23

It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn

with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the

counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying

in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a

thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY

SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words.

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