Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #3

CAMERON:

Food...shelter...no...yes...

The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker

phone button.

CAMERON:

(weak)

Hello?

FERRIS' VOICE

Cameron! What's happening?

CAMERON:

Very little.

FERRIS' VOICE

How do you feel?

CAMERON:

Shredded.

FERRIS' VOICE

Is your mother in the room?

Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth.

CAMERON:

She's not home. Where are you?

FERRIS' VOICE

Home.

24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24

Ferris is sprawled out in the chair.

FERRIS:

I'm taking the day off. Get

dressed and come over.

CAMERON'S VOICE

I can't. I'm sick.

FERRIS:

It's all in your head. Come on over.

25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25

Cameron's insistant.

CAMERON:

I feel like complete sh*t, Ferris.

I can't go anywhere.

FERRIS' VOICE

I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come

on over and pick me up.

Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone.

CAMERON:

I'm dying.

The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button.

FERRIS' VOICE

You're not dying. You just can't think

of anything good to do.

26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26

Ferris hangs up.

FERRIS:

If anybody needs a day off, it's

Cameron. He has alot of things to

sort out before he graduates. He

can't be wound this tight and go

to college. His roommate'll kill

him. I've come close myself. But I

like him. He's a little easier to

take when you know why he's like he

is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon

by French but Cameron is so tight

that if you stuck a lump of coal up

his ass, in two weeks you'd have a

diamond.

(after-thought)

And Cameron would worry that he'd

owe taxes on it.

27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27

We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A

shoe's POV.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Albers?

BOY'S VOICE

Here.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Anderson.

GIRL'S VOICE

Here.

CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush

Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow

Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine

loafers...

TEACHER'S VOICE

Anheiser?

BOY'S VOICE

Here.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Busch?

GIRL'S VOICE

Here.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Bueller?

CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that

it's empty.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Bueller?

GIRL'S VOICE

He's sick.

(pause)

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's

brother's girlfriend heard from this

guy who knows this kid who's going

with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out

at 31 Flavors last night. I guess

it's pretty serious.

TEACHER'S VOICE

(weary)

Thank you, Simone.

GIRL'S VOICE

(cheery)

No problem whatsoever.

TEACHER'S VOICE

Drucker?

BOY'S VOICE

What?

WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD.

28 CU. TV 28

THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase

at the end.

INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS

He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war

wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches

down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve.

CU. TV

Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve.

He gives it a twist.

CU. FERRIS

He throws himself back against the chair.

CU. TV

The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws

Humongous back in his seat.

CU. FERRIS

He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high

speed ride.

CU. TV

The was wagon hurtles down the road.

CU. FERRIS

He rears back in horror.

CU. TV

The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the

tanker truck.

CU. FERRIS

Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision.

CU. TV

IMPACT!

MOZART COMES UP.

29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29

Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch.

Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE

ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen.

Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is

sitting on her bed going through a purse.

FERRIS:

This is really degrading.

He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill.

FERRIS:

Financing my activities this way.

Very damaging to the self-image.

But, hey, I'm broke. In times of

crisis one must to what one must

to. I'll pay it back. With interest.

He comes up with a five.

FERRIS:

Regardless of how much sh*t sisters

make you eat, how often they rat on

you, how gross they act or how wicked

and insensitive they can be, you should

not alientate them. Because most likely

they have cash and it's usually very easy

to get your hands on.

He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY"

COMES UP.

30 INT. LIVING ROOM30

The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions.

CU. SOFA

Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice.

31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31

Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another

crumpled bill surfaces.

32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32

A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone

through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops

them up.

33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33

An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A

ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A

screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and

pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing.

34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34

Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a

dollar bill.

35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35

The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the

quarters are being popped out of their slots.

36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36

The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the

floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth.

37 CU. SNOOPY BANK37

It's being shaken furiously.

38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38

It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp,

new five.

39 INT. HALL CLOSET39

The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets

of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of

Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face

lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door.

40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40

Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm

reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed.

41 CU. BANK 41

It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door

and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading

cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally,

a five dollar bill.

42 INT. KITCHEN 42

Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table.

43 CU. TABLE LEG 43

Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used

to balance the table.

44 INT. KITCHEN 44

Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter.

45 CU. FERRIS' BED45

A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The

SONG ENDS.

46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46

A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town.

47 INT. OFFICE47

Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN.

They're also real estate agents.

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