Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #4

JOYCE:

No one's going to consider a

house with a black living room.

Not even those jerks from Vermont.

Let's be realistic.

AGENT 1

Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against

putting any money into the house.

Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call.

JOYCE:

Joyce Bueller.

Her eyes open wide with alarm.

JOYCE:

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I

completely forgot to call.

48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL48

A modern, suburban high school.

MAN'S VOICE

Are you aware that your son is not

in school today?

49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49

It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students.

JOYCE'S VOICE

Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I

had a meeting first thing this

morning. I should have called. It

completely slipped my mind.

50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50

A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside

the office.

DEAN'S VOICE

Are you also aware that Ferris does not

have what we consider an exemplary

attendance record?

51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51

It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's

feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced

dress shoes.

JOYCE'S VOICE

I don't understand.

DEAN'S VOICE

I just had his file up.

INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN

ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and

straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and

tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point

of arrogance.

ROONEY:

I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller.

Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from

the desk and turns in his swivel chair.

ROONEY:

If Ferris thinks he coast this last

month and still graduate, he's sorely

mistaken.

JOYCE'S VOICE

This is all news to me.

CU. COMPUTER MONITOR

The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records.

ROONEY'S VOICE

So far this semester alone, he's been

absent nine times. Including today.

JOYCE'S VOICE

Nine times?

Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a

number 2.

INT. OFFICE

Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen.

ROONEY:

I have it right here in front of me. He's

missed...

He looks closer at the screen.

52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52

Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up

on the screen.

FERRIS:

I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's

that for being born under a bad sign?

53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53

She's still on the phone with Rooney.

JOYCE:

I can give you every assurance that

Ferris is home and that he is, in

fact, very ill. I debated whether

or not I should even leave him.

I can appreciate that at this time

of year children are prone to taking

the day off, but in Ferris' case,

he's truly a very sick boy.

54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54

MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR.

CU. SPEAKER

The grille cloth is throbbing.

CU. LED METERS

The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone.

CU. TV MONITOR

We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck.

He's playing.

CU. VIDEO CAMERA

A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape.

55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55

He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He

sighs deeply and fall back on the bed.

56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56

Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A

GIRLFRIEND comes up to her.

GIRL:

I'm really sorry about your brother.

JEANIE:

What're you sorry for? I have to live

with the trouser snake.

GIRL:

No, I mean I heard he's really sick.

JEANIE:

Who said he's sick.

GIRL:

A whole bunch of people. They said

he's like on the verge of death.

Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl.

GIRL:

This guy in my biology class said

that if Ferris dies he's giving

his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's

really sweet isn't he?

She smiles and exits. Jeanie c*cks her head in bewilderment.

She kicks her locker shut.

57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57

He's in bed on the phone.

FERRIS:

A sample of my blood was sent

to Atlanta to the Center for

Disease Control. I don't know,

man, I'm bricking heavily.

(point to the

phone)

Freshman.

(to the phone)

Did you see Alien? When the guy

had the creature in his stomach?

It feels like that.

58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58

A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES

are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.

BOY:

Goddamn! Are you kidding?

SECOND BOY:

What?

BOY:

Did you see Alien?

SECOND BOY:

No.

BOY:

You never rented the video cassette?

Second boy shakes his head, no.

BOY:

Oh. He's really wasted.

THIRD BOY:

(to the Second Boy)

Who's he talking to?

SECOND BOY:

Ferris Bueller. You know him?

THIRD BOY:

(excited)

Yeah. He's getting me out of summer

school.

BOY:

Anyway, I appreciate you letting us

know how you're doing. We gotta split.

(pause)

Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on.

SECOND BOY:

(to Third Boy)

Sh*t. I hope he doesn't die.

I can't handle summer school.

The boy snatches a passing GIRL.

BOY:

Did you see Alien?

GIRL:

Yeah, why?

He hands her the phone.

GIRL:

Hello?

(pause)

Who?

(pause)

Hi, Ferris. How's your bod?

(jaw drops)

Oh, my God! You're dying?

Is it serious?

(pause)

Shiit! Are you upset?

59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59

Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His

SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder.

ROONEY:

I don't trust this kid any further

than I can throw him!

SECRETARY:

With your bad knee, you better

not throw anybody, Ed.

Rooney stares at her for a long beat.

ROONEY:

What's so dangerous about a character

like Ferris Bueller is that he gives

the good kids bad ideas. The last thing

I need at this point in my career is

fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples

running around these halls.

SECRETARY:

He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads,

geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers,

richies, they all adore him.

ROONEY:

That's exactly why I have to catch him

this time. To show these kids that the

example he sets is a first class ticket

to nowhere.

SECRETARY:

(impressed)

Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just

now.

Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile.

ROONEY:

Really?

He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint.

60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60

It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives

past the house.

61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61

He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little

MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude.

FERRIS:

Cameron, if you're not over here

in fifteen minutes, you can find

a new best friend. I'm serious, man.

This is bullshit, making me wait

around the house for you.

62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62

Cameron's back in bed.

CAMERON:

I'm sick. I feel like sh*t. Why can't

you leave me alone?

FERRIS' VOICE

You're not up for some good times?

It's a beautiful day. It's almost

summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be

surfing.

63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63

He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness.

FERRIS:

You want to stay home and try

to have the shits? Try to barf?

Try to feel worse?

CAMERON'S VOICE

I don't have to try.

FERRIS:

Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol

and get dressed. You're boring me

with this stuff.

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