Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #6

SECRETARY:

Do you still want his number?

Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and

backs out. He punches the phone button.

ROONEY:

Ed Rooney.

MAN'S VOICE

Ed? This is George Peterson.

ROONEY:

How are you today, sir?

MAN'S VOICE

We've had a bit of bad luck this

morning as you may have heard.

Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr.

Peterson.

ROONEY:

I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken

up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to

release Sloane. You produce a corpse

and I'll release Sloane. I want to

see this dead grandmother firsthand.

The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney

in horror. He covers the phone.

ROONEY:

(whispers)

It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle

punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let

his walk right into it!

(to phone)

That's right. Cart the stiff in and

I'll turn over your daughter. It's

school policy. Was this your mother?

Rooney's other line rings.

75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75

She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other

line.

SECRETARY:

Ed Rooney's office.

Her jaw drops.

SECRETARY:

Hold, please.

She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into

Rooney's office.

76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76

Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line.

ROONEY:

I'll tell you want, you don't

like my policies, you can just

come on down and smooch by big

old ugly ass. You hear me?

The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously.

Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her

foot. Rooney covers the phone.

ROONEY:

What!?

SECRETARY:

Ferris Bueller's on line two.

CU. ROONEY'S FOOT

It freezes in mid-tap.

CU. ROONEY'S HAND

The pencils falls from his fingers.

CU. ROONEY'S FACE

A mask of horror. He glances at the phone.

CU. PHONE

The second line light is flashing.

CU. ROONEY

He blinks, c*cks his head, twitches.

77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77

He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's

cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he

used on his father.

FERRIS:

Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb

you at work but I was wondering if

it would be possible for my sister

to bring home any assignments from

my classes that I may need.

78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY78

He's staring blankly ahead.

FERRIS' VOICE

Thank you, sir.

He nods.

CU. PHONE

Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting

call.

CU. ROONEY

He winces as he returns to the first call.

79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79

Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep,

phoney "father" voice.

CAMERON:

You oughta be sorry for Christ's

sake! A family member dies and

you insult me. What's the matter

with you, anyway?

80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY80

He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring,

trembling.

ROONEY:

I don't know. I thought you were

someone else. You have to know,

sir, that I would never deliberately

insult you. I can't begin to tell

you how embarrassed I am.

CAMERON'S VOICE

Pardon my French but you're an a**hole!

Rooney nods enthusiastically.

ROONEY:

Absolutely! I most certainly am.

81 INT. KITCHEN 81

Cameron lays into Rooney.

CAMERON:

This isn't over yet, buster. You

just make sure my daughter's out

in front of the school in ten

minutes. Do you read me?

ROONEY'S VOICE

Load and clear, Mr. Peterson.

CAMERON:

Call me sir, goddamn it!

ROONEY'S VOICE

Sir.

CAMERON:

That's better.

Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the

conversation. Cameron covers the phone.

CAMERON:

(to Ferris)

I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What

is Rooney guesses my voice!

FERRIS:

Impossible. You're doing great.

Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone.

CAMERON:

(clears his throat)

I don't have all day to bark at you

so I'll make this short and sweet.

Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up.

FERRIS:

(mouths)

Great!

Cameron smiles proudly.

CAMERON:

I want my daughter out in front

of the school in ten minutes. By

herself. I don's want anyone around...

Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers

the phone.

CAMERON:

What'd I do?

FERRIS:

Out in front my herself? It's too

suspicious! He'll think something's

up, moron. Cover it.

Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris.

CAMERON:

You do it!

Ferris waves his arms angrily.

FERRIS:

Talk!

Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts

on his father's voice.

CAMERON:

I changed my mind, fella. You be out

in front with her! I wanna have a

few words with you!

Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand.

82 CU. ROONEY 82

He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK!

We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN

CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT.

CAMERON'S VOICE

On second thought, I don't have

time to talk to you. We'll get

together soon and have lunch.

We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS.

83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83

Cameron's rubbing the side of his head.

CAMERON:

Why'd you hit me?!

FERRIS:

Where's your brain?!

CAMERON:

Why'd you hit me?!

FERRIS:

Where's your brain?!

CAMERON:

Why'd you hit me?

FERRIS:

Where's your brain?

CAMERON:

I asked you first.

FERRIS:

How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's

going to be there with her?!

CAMERON:

I said for her to be there alone

and you freaked!

FERRIS:

My, God, you're so stupid!

(aside)

I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped

you.

CAMERON:

You hit me. Look, don't ask me to

participate in your crap if you

don't like the way I do it!

Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's

anger is intensified by his embarrassment.

CAMERON:

I was home, sick. You get me out of

bed, being me over here, make me

jeopardize my future, make me do

a phoney phone call on a dean of

students, a man who could squeeze

my nuts into oblivion and then

you deliberately hurt my feelings.

FERRIS:

I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings.

CAMERON:

Oh, really?

FERRIS:

Yeah, really.

Cameron glares at Ferris.

CAMERON:

Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life.

He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs.

FERRIS:

Cameron?

CAMERON:

Stick it up your ass, Ferris.

FERRIS:

Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean

to jam you. It was uncalled for.

Cameron stops.

CAMERON:

You're serious?

He turns around.

FERRIS:

Dead serious.

Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology.

CAMERON:

Thanks.

FERRIS:

You did screw up through, right?

Not that is was necessarily all

you fault. Right?

CAMERON:

(suspiciously)

Why?

FERRIS:

To fix this situation, I'm going

to have to ask you for a small favor.

Cameron's jaw drops.

84 INT. GARAGE84

The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic

fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris

looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and

awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear.

CU. FERRARI STALLION

The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to

the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California.

CAMERON AND FERRIS

Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand.

Ferris is in heaven.

CAMERON:

(grim monotone)

1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less

than a hundred were made. It has a

market value of $265,000. My father

spent three years restoring it. It

is joy, it is his love, it is his

passion.

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