Ferris Bueller's Day Off Page #8

INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW

Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds.

TELLER:

These bonds aren't mature. If you hold

onto them another two years you'll get

an additional four dollars...

FERRIS:

I'm aware of that.

TELLER:

You're throwing away four dollars.

FERRIS:

No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the

government. They need it. Do you

know what an aircraft carrier's

going for these days?

INT. BANK. JOYCE

She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan

officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes

the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud

behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris,

Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out.

INT. BANK. DOOR

Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a

luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with

the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce.

JOYCE:

Mrs. Froeling, how are you?

MRS. FROELING

I passed a kidney stone Tuesday.

(shifts gears, to Joyce)

Say, you must be very proud.

Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about.

MRS. FROELING

(whispers)

I met Madonna.

She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING

She told me everything. Keep me posted,

I'll want to send a gift.

She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are

completely baffled.

95 EXT. BANK 95

Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the

bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along

behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking

lot.

JOYCE:

My son's home sick today. If

you wouldn't mind, on our way

back to the office, I'd like

to just run in and check up on him.

We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car.

MOTHER:

Of course.

They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the

window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A

mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a

mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look

on proudly.

96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96

His secretary is dialing a number for him.

SECRETARY:

This is the Peterson's home.

She hands the phone to Rooney.

SECRETARY:

Watch your mouth this time.

Rooney glares at her.

ROONEY:

Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's

no doubt in my mind. That's what I was

saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped.

He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this

thing now. See?

The secretary nods.

SECRETARY:

And her grandmother, too.

97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97

It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an

awful lot like Sloane.

SLOANE:

We can't come to the phone right now.

We've had a death in the family. If

you need to reach us we'll be at

the following number...

98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98

Rooney quickly takes down a number.

99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99

His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice.

CAMERON'S VOICE

You have reached the Coughlin Bros.

Mortuary. We are unable to come to

the phone right now but if you'll leave

your name and number...

100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100

Rooney hangs up the phone.

ROONEY:

Something's going on, goddamn it.

The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk.

She's not listening to him.

SECRETARY:

There's a railroad strike.

ROONEY:

And I'm going to stop it!

SECRETARY:

My brother-in-law'll appreciate it.

Rooney looks at her, puzzled.

ROONEY:

What?

SECRETARY:

My brother-in-law rides the train

to work.

Rooney stares at her like she's crazy.

ROONEY:

Who gives a good goddamn?

101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101

The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the

suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see

the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil

Building.

102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102

Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with

a Coke can.

KID:

Yo. We're collecting money to

buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney.

Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions

her brother's scan has reached.

KID:

They run about fifty g's so it

you could help out...

JEANIE:

Go piss up a flagpole!

KID:

Huh?

She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall.

The kid yells after her.

KID:

Hey, babe! Some day you might

need a favor from Ferris Bueller!

Then where'll you be?!

He reaches for the can.

KID:

Heartless wench...

103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103

The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage.

EXT. GARAGE

Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits.

CAMERON:

We can't leave the car here!

FERRIS:

Why not?

CAMERON:

Because we can't! I want it back

home where it belongs!

SLOANE:

What could happen to it?

CAMERON:

It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched,

you name it.

FERRIS:

I'll give the guy a five to watch it.

CAMERON:

What guy?

CU. PARKING ATTENDANT

He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that

equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a

hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee.

EXT. PARKING LOT

The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a

give.

FERRIS:

You speak English?

ATTENDANT:

Since I was three.

FERRIS:

Great. I want to you take extra special

care of this vehicle, okay?

He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles.

ATTENDANT:

Like it's a beautiful woman.

FERRIS:

I appreciate it.

The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns

to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very

carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine.

FERRIS:

See what a finski can do to

a person's attitude? He's going

to treat it like a beautiful

woman.

CAMERON:

Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick

and piss on the hood.

SLOANE:

Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to

be so graphic?

She heads down the street.

SLOANE:

This is so right!

Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head

after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the

exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out

the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side.

He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads.

He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of

the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris

and Cameron.

104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104

Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up

the house.

105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105

It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft

snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet

door to the door to the room itself.

INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB

The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we

hear a door open and close.

106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106

Joyce quietly walks up the stairs.

107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107

Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She

listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING.

CU. DOORKNOB

Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a

crack.

HER POV:

The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves.

CU. JOYCE

She smiles and closes the door.

108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108

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