Finding Amanda

All right, we're at scene B.

We're in the living room.

Settle, please.

Ready, Ed?

And action.

Don't argue with me, Sharon.

I don't want to hear it.

I know what I saw.

That girl is

out of control.

I came in here, I found

my sweet darling daughter

making out on the couch with

that Martin kid. It was horrific.

I haven't seen that much tongue

since your Uncle Morty's last seder.

Excuse me, Ed,

but I seem to recall

you throwing that tongue around

pretty good when we were dating.

I have no memory of that.

When we were first together,

I was always

the perfect gentleman.

It wasn't about sex.

It was about romance.

Yeah, I remember

the romance.

Our first kiss was in a dark alley

behind a bad Mexican restaurant.

That was very romantic--

the cool night air,

the starry sky.

The snow-covered

dumpster.

There was no dumpster.

Ed, we were standing

right next to it.

I do not remember

a dumpster.

That would explain why I get so

excited whenever we have chimichangas.

Ah.

Okay, guys, moving on.

Scene E-- we're over here

at airport security.

- Taylor?

- Sh*t.

- Hey. Hey.

- You ran right out of there.

Yeah, I wasn't running.

I was walking.

Pretty good for

Wednesday.

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought so.

- Really?

- Nah.

Of course not.

It was sh*t. We'll fix it.

- Where are you going?

- Dentist.

- Ooh! Ouch.

- Yeah.

That's gonna hurt.

Listen, Taylor, I just want

to give you the head's up.

Ed's unhappy.

He's been calling Carrie.

He says you're

ignoring him.

Jesus Christ, I'm in there five

times a day holding his hand,

listening to all his

lame-ass joke pitches,

all that crap about solar

energy for the umpteenth time.

Yeah, well, he's the star of your

show so you can't just ignore him.

And he's godfather to one

of Carrie's kids, you know.

Like I give a sh*t.

Listen, you remind Begley

that before I came on board,

no one was watching this show.

Last time I looked, we're

like 26th in the ratings.

Oh, when was that? 'Cause last

week you were in the low 50s.

Think I care

about the ratings?

Listen, can we talk

about this some other time?

Taylor, I don't want

to be a dick.

No, it's okay.

You can't help yourself.

Look.

You need this job.

After your spectacular

flameout a couple of seasons ago,

people weren't exactly

lined up to hire you.

Now, if this was maybe my

last chance at the business,

I think that I'd be kissing my

star's ass as often as was necessary.

Yeah.

Enjoy the dentist.

What are you doing?

Hit him off the rail!

Come on!

Come on, come on!

Hit him.

- Hey, Honey.

- Hi, you.

How's it going?

How was your run-through?

Well, if they ever put together a

tribunal for crimes against comedy,

I'm f***ed.

- What's up?

- Nothing.

Just paying some bills.

Where are you?

- Work.

- I just called the office.

They said you were gone.

Ah, well, I'm at

the network.

Actually, I'm about to

head into a meeting.

Hey, I'm in here.

- Are you using the phone?

- I'm using a phone.

Do you mind?

Open that door!

I gotta make a phone call.

- Hon-- honey?

- Who was that?

- Honey, I'm gonna--

I'm gonna actually--

I'm gonna call you back, okay?

Open the door!

I gotta make a phone call!

I'll call you right back.

- Hello?

- Sorry, honey.

- Hi. So you're at the network?

- Yup.

Can you-- can you not

sweep right now?

Yes, I am.

What's up?

My sister called. She wants

us to go out there later.

Some kind of

family emergency.

Well, so we have to drive

all the way out to the desert?

She says she needs to

talk to me in person.

Do you think you can

be home by 5:
00, 5:30?

Hang-- hang on

a second.

Sir, can you please?

Please?

Honey, I'm-- I'm really up

to my ass here, you know?

I've got this meeting to do.

I have a rewrite.

Are you in a bathroom?

Yes. Yes, they do have bathrooms

at the network, you know.

Not all the sh*t

ends up on the schedule.

Hello?

Hello?

Are you at the track?

Lorraine.

Lorraine, I am not gambling.

I haven't made a bet in weeks,

possibly a month.

Okay.

I'm doing

what you wanted.

I'm not gambling.

I'm seeing that guy.

- I'm sorry.

- I mean, come on./i

Give me a break.

I know, I'm sorry.

Do you think you can

be home by 5:
00?

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Uh, you're breaking up,

sweetheart.

I'll check in with

you later, all right?

Just sweep.

Go, number one! Number

three, die! One, go!

Go, one! Oh, number one!

Oh, f***. Oh, f*** you--

Taylor, why do you

bet on the horses?

I don't know.

I guess I like the challenge of it.

Go to the track,

race form under your arm,

it's nine races and

thousands of possibilities.

I like the whole experience,

really.

The horses,

the puzzle of it,

the people.

I just love it.

I really do.

When was the last time

you went to the track?

It's been a while.

Do you think you're

ready to give it up?

Totally?

Total abstinence is the only

effective course of treatment

with horse-race gamblers.

Look-- look,

I used to drink.

I used to do drugs.

I stopped.

I've been clean

for almost two years.

My work was--

I had to stop.

But the track?

Who am I hurting?

I earn enough money.

You don't think

it's destructive?

I've already quit

enough stuff.

I don't want to

give up everything.

Then why are you here?

My wife thinks I need

to talk to somebody.

What's the point

of talking

if you have no intention

of quitting?

Taylor?

Is that clock right?

Because I...

Think our 50 minutes

are up.

- Hit him, hit him, hit him!

Hit him! Oh, God,

no no no.

Oh, God.

Sh*t.

What's the matter?

I'm only 10 minutes late.

That's not so bad

considering the day I had.

Dr. Chase says hello,

by the way.

Hello, Dr. Chase.

Is it something I did?

I just--

I went to that new organic

market next to the coffee place.

Okay.

And as I was leaving,

I bumped into Nancy Karos.

And we're talking,

and she asked me

what you were working on

and I told her and then she

said-- this is unbelievable,

she said, "You're kidding me.

That show sucks."

- Mm-hmm, well...

- Well, I went off on her

and I was yelling and

I think I used the C word.

- Holy sh*t.

- Yeah.

And then she, like,

put her hand on my shoulder

and I pushed her

and she fell...

into some gourds--

into a gourd display.

The C word? Wow.

I'm guessing we

won't be invited

to their Fourth of

July thing this year.

No. I was shaking

the whole way home.

Honey-- honey, you're very

loyal and I love you for it.

But the show does suck.

But you're

making it better.

Nobody messes

with my man.

I'll wait for you

downstairs.

Damn it!

I'll get you,

you little prick!

God! Squirrels.

Goddamn useless...

they bury sh*t all over the place.

They tear up my yard.

A**holes!

Ha!

Dad said "a**hole."

I don't know what

it's like where you are,

but around here

it's a serious problem.

Well, what can

you do?

I can blow their f***in' little

furry heads off, is what I can do.

Larry, you might want

to keep your voice down.

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