Fool's Gold Page #4

...they saw what they thought

was an old man paddling out on a log.

Only he wasn't an old man.

He was 21 years old.

Looked like Tom Hanks in that movie.

What was that movie?

Um...

- Cast Away.

- Ha-ha.

- Yes.

- Ha-ha.

He told the Dutch captain

his name was Raphael Serrano...

...of the tobacco ship Francesca.

Ha. As in mother of Sebastian.

- Yes.

- Exactly.

Now, he said...

...he had struck the same reef

and sunk in just 30 feet of water.

Wow.

You guys must really like treasure.

Yes. I mean, it's very impressive...

...but it's still thin.

- Oh, my God.

- Only Francesca...

...she didn't sink off Topsail Cay.

She sank off the coast of Veracruz

in 1708...

...with all hands,

including her captain, Raphael Serrano.

- Wait, I don't get it.

- Neither did we.

Until we discovered the Francesca

had been owned by the Vangor family.

Yeah.

So, what do we know

about Sebastian Vangor?

Well, we know for a fact that

he survived a hurricane, a shipwreck...

...starvation, pirates, most likely,

and then he lied about it.

Now, why lie about being part

of the greatest treasure fleet in history?

Unless you're sitting on top

of a huge secret.

A secret that nobody, not even

the king of Spain, knew existed.

Well, I can think of only one reason:

Honor.

Because his father had entrusted him...

...with precious gifts

mankind had never seen...

...he had to survive

to fulfill the privilege...

...Ubilla had bestowed on him

that fateful day in Veracruz.

That's why he lied.

That's why he lived.

And that's why we can't give up.

Sebastian Vangor is the unsung hero

of an entire nation...

...and we intend to prove it.

- So, what happened to him?

- Sebastian?

He was taken off the Dutch ship

in Martinique...

...and died a week later of consumption.

- Oh...

He drank too much?

No. Um... Consumption, darling.

As in tuberculosis.

Not to be confused with consuming,

as in guzzling.

Oh, man. I'm so dumb.

Huh. You wanna hear dumb?

I used to think that it meant he died

having sex, as in consummating.

- You did?

- Yeah.

You did?

Yeah.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

Anyway, that's our idea.

It's Tess' mostly, she was always

the brains of the operation.

Well, Gemma? What do you think?

You're asking me?

I am.

A treasure hunt in the Bahamas?

Or a month with Kerry and Vivante

in the Yucatn?

Will you teach me how to dive?

Yes, I will.

- Tess.

- Hey, Alfonz.

- Long time.

- This is Mr. Nigel Honeycutt. Alfonz.

Welcome aboard.

This is Gemma Honeycutt. Alfonz.

Pleased to meet you.

Like that.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

And... Whoa.

Okay. Okay.

Now, the island is basically triangular.

You got cliffs and breakers,

harbor and town, and beach.

Now, I found the plate near the reef

just on the other side.

But you haven't got

the exact coordinates?

The exact position

of the find is irrelevant.

- Why?

- We, uh, kind of left a marker.

We set the boat on fire,

and then we sank it.

- But we would never do that to your boat.

- Nope, just my boat.

- Our boat.

- My boat.

- Our boat.

- My boat.

Hey, did you know that this entire island

is owned by Bigg Bunny Deenz?

- Who?

- He owns the whole island?

Bigg Bunny Deenz.

Oh, yes, I remember.

Didn't he murder someone

named Fuzzy Dice...

...or Pogo Stick or something?

His name was Exta-C.

You're really close.

And he was totally acquitted.

Well, it was difficult to secure a conviction

because he murdered all the witnesses.

You are really incredible, Finn.

Okay, so he owns the island. So what?

He doesn't own the water.

And how's he gonna feel when we're

hauling treasure up out of the water...

...in front of his beach house?

- Supportive?

- I told you not to get involved with him.

What if we need food or fuel

or flashlight batteries?

Will you relax, Tess?

It's Aurelia.

She's right around the corner,

and she's all ours.

Hey, guys.

Come look at this boat.

It's got these really big, um, tubes

going in the water off the back.

Is that where you found the plate?

Man, oh, man.

Anybody but me wanna spend

a weekend in Paris with that boat?

- I think she's already taken.

- What?

Oh, you son of a...

B*tch.

- What's the matter?

- It's Moe.

- What?

- What is it?

What's happened?

- I'm pretty sure hell just froze over.

Well, don't that just beat all.

The Aurelia's mine, goddamn it.

Not if I find her first.

Looks like he's only been here

a day or two.

- How can you tell?

- It's a full day's work to lay the grid.

But... So, what are they looking for?

Do you really not know

the answer to that?

Darling.

Huh.

Oh...

- I will go comfort her.

- No, you stay there.

I'm sorry, but she's gotta learn...

...there's better ways to get attention

than acting like a bimbo.

Like what?

Ahoy there. Good morning.

Morning to you.

That's quite a bucket you got there.

Hello, Moe.

- Hey, darling.

- Small world, huh?

Where's that good-for-nothing husband?

- Ex-husband.

- Congratulations.

Find anything yet, Mr. Fitch?

Well, sir, we're just gonna set

off some charges and take a look.

You might wanna ease back a ways just

in case we accidentally scratch your finish.

I'll tell the captain.

Let's blow some holes.

Come on.

I'm getting old, let's find some gold.

Oh, my God.

- What?

- Delay, delay.

Uh, excuse me, Moe?

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the Ukrainian sidekick.

I don't think of myself that way.

I am the lead character in my own story.

Ha.

But why does everyone I know think

I'm hot except the ones on this boat?

We think you're hot.

- Are you kidding me?

- I know I do.

Gemma. I need your help.

No time to explain.

What do you want?

Some expert advice on how to be stupid?

Oh...

Look. See how dumb they are?

Yeah.

They can't help it. You can. The end.

Let's go.

- Okay.

- Okay, you're on.

- Okay.

- All right, go, go, go.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Gemma.

Hi.

Hey. Hey, hey.

- It's Gemma Honeycutt.

- Are you serious?

It's Gemma Honeycutt.

- Hi. What are your names? Oh.

- I'm Happy.

- I'm Jim.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Petruchio, eh.

So did you all grow up on this boat?

- Oh! Oh, my God, there's Finn.

- Gemma.

Goddamn bastard. I'll get

that little sh*t out of there myself.

What, are you crazy, Moe?

Who the hell set off that charge?

There's a man down there.

- What the hell?

- Right over here.

He ripped up the grid.

Nobody rips the grid.

Anybody gonna kill that boy,

it's gonna be me.

Okay.

Finn?

- Hey, honey.

- Ha-ha-ha!

- You go, girl.

- I'll be right over.

Hey.

Bravo. Bravo.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, hello, Moe.

Hello, Finn. Anything broke?

- I don't think so.

- Good.

- Finn!

- Finn! Oh!

Is that all you got, old man?

It's difficult to maintain enthusiasm

for your leadership...

...when you keep getting beat up

by that old man.

He's 56 years old.

I can't hit him.

That's quite obvious.

Was that a yellow and white

Cessna 206 seaplane?

I would describe it more

as banana and cream.

I still can't get over the way

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