Frat Pack Page #9

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- Get out! Get out, you piece of sh*t!

- [Elliot] Get off!

Get off me. Horrible man.

Skylar. Skylar, wait!

- Wait, I didn't... Wait!

- [Jeffrey] Go get her, bro!

[dance music on speakers]

Wait, Skylar. Please wait.

- What?

- Well...

You know what, Elliot? I just

thought you were different.

You looked at me like you cared,

you opened doors for me, you

even listened to me when I talk.

But really, you're just

like every other guy.

I didn't realize you

even noticed that stuff.

Just have fun, Elliot.

It's not fair of me to get annoyed at you.

It's my own issue.

Okay? Forget it.

- Wait, but...

- [snaps fingers] Uh-uh.

Skylar!

Yo, El,

tell him to bang the cat.

Dude, if it's so important,

you f*** the cat.

What?

Okay, I can't take

this sh*t anymore.

Whoa, what's up with you?

I don't know! Uh...

Maybe it could be the bisexual threeway

assault that just happened to me

with the mouth-fingering.

Or maybe it's the shot of a

f***ing goldfish I had to drink.

- Chill out, dude.

- Don't tell me to chill out.

And why don't you grow up?

You're 26

and you still act like a kid.

Anyway, I don't care.

Just bang the cat already, mate.

I'm over it.

Yeah, just bang your

f***ing cat, you b*tch.

[groans]

Oh! Oh!

Bang the f***ing cat,

you motherf***er!

Don't you f***ing touch him!

Oh, hold... That's cool.

That's cool. That's cool.

- [shouts, laughs]

- [groans]

And down he goes.

For the one

and a two and a three!

Baby, you see that sh*t?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Ohh!

Hey, you get off my brother.

Motherf***er! What?

I'm sorry.

There's no need for violence.

[all shouting]

[shouting, cheering]

[Eric] B*tch!

You b*tch!

Son of a b*tch!

[man] Hey!

Get off me!

- [Elliot] Sorry!

- [Eric] Hey, it's a sperm whale.

- [yelps]

- [all jeering]

- What, b*tch?

- F*** that!

- F***! Oh, God.

- [man] Yeah!

[Eric]

Motherf***er!

- You all right?

- Yeah.

I think you broke my nose,

you f***!

- Am I bleeding?

- [man] You all right, dude?

Little b*tch!

F***ing p*ssy b*tch.

[Joey shouts]

[dance music playing]

Let's go f*** sh*t up!

[all cheering]

Oh, my God, my balls!

[music fades]

[giggles]

- Hey!

- [yelps]

'Cause he's a f***ing

frat star, bro!

You are an animal, bro!

Animal!

[Elliot]

Congratulations.

Um. Go get me some brewskis

for me and my brothers.

Yes, sir.

[groans, coughs]

Hey, we got a wedding to get to.

Ellie, darling.

I love your shirt.

My little P-I-M-P.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hey, Seany, how are you?

- Guys, this is my mom.

- [Michaelson] Hey, hey.

- Hey, Jo-jo, I like the tattoo.

- Thanks, Dad.

You must be Refrigerator.

Yes, milady.

Is that Princess?

Oh, hey! I've been looking

for Princess!

Why don't you take a look at the

new queen of the Davis household.

[meows]

- You are.

- Yeah.

[Elliot] That's going to take

some getting used to.

Oh, hey, El. Listen...

I taped the English

football game.

Maybe you and I could

look at it later.

Uh... I don't really like football.

Thanks.

[mutters]

God, you're hot.

It's pretty, it's just...

Are you sure about this, Mom?

I mean, the guy...

He's utterly crazy.

Oh, yes,

that's what I love about him.

Well, I'm crazy, too.

And he loves that about me.

I just want to love...

and be loved.

I love you.

Isn't that enough?

Darling...

I'm sorry about Skylar.

Me too.

Really liked her.

[inhales]

Really liked her.

- Well, you should tell her then.

- It doesn't work like that, Mom.

Girls like guys that are, like, cool

and have game. And that's just not me.

Oh, none of that is true.

People like people

who are nice to them

and who make them feel good

about themselves.

So, you just be honest

and tell her how you feel

and if she doesn't like it,

well then, she's rubbish

and doesn't deserve you.

- Thanks, Mom.

- You're welcome, darling.

[mother] Oh, here are the boys.

[Michaelson]

Yeah?

- Congratulations.

- How are you, pal?

- Yeah. Mom.

- Darling.

- Congratulations.

- Get in here. Get in here.

Baby boy.

- Hi.

- Mom.

- [Michaelson] Hey.

- Congratulations.

- [pop song playing]

- [man singing]

I owe you an apology, Joey,

for what I said.

I just... If you haven't noticed, I've

been a bit stressed recently, and...

it just seems like everyone else has

their life all sorted out and I don't.

You know?

Is that one of those

rhetorical questions?

No, no. We still need to talk about that,

'cause you don't understand that at all.

I feel you though. I think

we're, like, the same person.

Yeah. But I'm ready

to get my life together.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I mean, I'm officially a frat

legend now, after last night.

- You are. Congratulations again.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

Yeah. Come here.

- You're all right.

- Yes, you're all right, too. That was nice.

Hi, guys.

You both look very handsome.

Yo, Sky, you know where I could get

some f***ing blow for this party?

- You're not doing coke at your dad's wedding.

- F***.

- Hey.

- Oh, hey.

Hey, so how was the drive back?

- [scoffs] Long.

- Yeah. Yeah...

It was all right. It was...

The car stinks of vomit.

- How was yours?

- It was long.

We were exhausted.

But look, I just really

wanted to say I'm sorry.

Oh, you don't need

to say anything, honestly.

We're gonna be really good friends,

which is better than anything, right?

Uh... Right.

Joey, your dad looks so happy.

Yeah.

[Elliot]

I don't...

- Okay, we need to talk.

- Okay.

Honestly, I think

you're kind of a b*tch.

Oh, thank you.

Okay, well, likewise.

But the fact is,

she likes you.

So man the f*** up.

Yeah, stop being so Hugh Grant,

bumsy about it.

"Oh, sorry. Pardon me.

I need to use the loo."

I do not need to use the toilet,

thank you very much.

- "Spot of tea? Pip pip. Sorry."

- Okay, are you both done?

Go get her, Elliot.

- Go now.

- Okay, okay.

- Go get her, Elliot.

- Oh, my God, okay. Okay.

Ladies and dudes. Ladies and dudes.

Hang on a second. Hang on.

I just got a few things to say.

Yeah, just file in there.

Uh...

First of all, I just wanna say

that I'm in love

with this little English rose

right over here.

[chuckles]

You bet. She's my queen.

She's my Lady Di.

She's my Hermione Granger.

But only in HPot 5, 6, and 7. She's

too young in the early films.

Way too f***ing young.

I'm not like that.

[yells, laughs]

But listen,

I just wanted to say...

that I am an artist

of the martial arts kind.

And I wanted to express

my love to you...

- in the form of karate.

- Oh.

[yells]

Want some, get some.

[shouting continues]

That's my f***ing dad.

That's my dad.

- [shouting]

- [all muttering]

[all wince]

[shouts, chuckles]

How are we related?

How?

[woman]

Oh, my...

Oh, sh*t.

- [woman] All right.

- [all cheering]

Karate.

Karate.

Thank you.

Hey, Elliot. Why don't you come

up here and say a few words?

- Fabulous.

- Thanks.

Sorry, quite a tough act to

follow, but... I just...

I just really wanted to say...

Mom, I'm so happy for you.

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