Fred Won't Move Out

---

Susan!

Victoria!

Hi!

Good morning!

Good morning!

Come on.

Stand, Susan.

Stand, Susan.

Stand.

Step, it's right here.

Step.

Okay.

I'll give you eh, three,

four minutes in there.

Good job, my Susan!

Okay. And slowly...

no, no, I haven't let you go.

See, I'm right here.

I'm right here.

Right here.

Okay,

Susan miracle...

Hey, hey, okay.

Here we are.

Fred, come and eat.

Eat, eat, eat.

Eats.

Eats.

Okay.

Mr. Avidma.

Good morning, Susan!

Whoop dee doo!

Yes.

Fred, sit.

Queen Victoria.

Yeah man.

- Thank you!

- You're welcome!

Did you sleep well?

Did you dream?

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

What did you dream?

That I was

going upstairs.

Very good!

Let me hear you

say the line,

"but wait there's more."

"But wait there's more."

Far too realistic.

Far too genuine.

You've got to

make it totally phony.

TW again.

"But wait, there's more!"

What do I do when Fred starts

talking about his dead cat?

Well, you... you play

it by ear that's all.

Play it by ear.

You remind him very nicely

that it's dead, or not.

I mean, as soon as

it's alive it's just...

it's just going to

forget it's dead again.

How much Nova

did you get?

Pickles and lox killed

more Jews than Hitler,

we'll be fine.

Can I listen to

music or something?

Sure, 10 minutes.

Did you hear me

say 10 minutes?

Yeah, sure, whatever.

When he's up there by

himself we have no idea

what medication

he's taking, how much.

I'm sure he's been

taking her medication.

I mean, Victoria is

just a nurse's aide.

He's the one

who's responsible

for physically

giving her medicine

and then he

has to take his.

I agree, it's

totally nuts.

I forgot the

cream cheese.

Oh, don't even

worry about it.

I'm sure I'm going to have

to make a supermarket run.

I mean, he tries to go

to the store himself,

he forgets what he's

supposed to pick up.

It's insane that he's

even driving, if you ask me.

I know.

Listen, did you

get the three everythings?

Yes.

You know, he hasn't

even paid his taxes yet?

You're kidding me!

That's unbelievable!

This has got to stop.

This has got to

stop on this trip.

That's the end.

Lila, come on!

Hi dad!

Robert, hi!

- Captain!

- Grandpa!

- How are you?

- I'm good!

Oh, you're so

grown up for your age.

Thanks! Everyone

in my school is.

Hi!

How are you doing, dad?

Oh, I love you!

I'm going to go

see where Susan is.

- Hello!

- Hi!

Hi! Nice to see you too!

Did you bring a

book with you?

Yeah.

Hi mom!

Hi! Oh, it's okay.

It's just me.

It's Carol.

Hi!

You're having

a good rest?

Do you want anything,

something to drink, refreshment?

I'll have water.

Water?

Okay, good!

- Nothing for me, thanks.

- Nothing for you?

Okay.

Do you remember?

You're not sure?

Hmm.

You don't know.

Hey, look who's here.

Lila came.

You think you

had saltines?

- No.

- No.

Okay, all right!

That's all right.

Look, I'm going to

be right back, okay?

- You rest some more.

- Okay.

I love you!

Hi!

Victoria! Can you

come in here a moment?

Yes, Ms.?

Did my parents

get saltines today?

Yes, I gave them

this morning.

Well, I just want

to make sure

it's clear that the reason

Susan takes saltines

is to keep her blood

pressure up so...

I... I know...

...you're the

one who told me.

I know, but it seems

like we're almost out.

Umm, okay.

You know, Fred,

sometimes he forgets

to do the shopping.

And I... I refused,

I told them I wouldn't,

I'm not going

to drive that car.

No, no, no, no,

you're totally right.

I'm so sorry.

You know what I think

we're going to do,

and then I'm going to

go shopping right now.

Okay, Captain!

Okay.

I told her not to

use the front door.

She keeps doing that.

So... so just

tell me what happened?

So Susan, you know,

she went unconscious again,

so I called the

ambulance and I...

I had to get

in with her

and I waited until

she was admitted.

Sure!

And... and then

when I came home,

I saw that your father here

just collapsed on the ground

and he couldn't

get up.

You know, I'm sorry I don't

know how long that he was there

and I can't be in both

places at the same time.

No, no, no.

Captain!

I'm in the barn!

Coming!

Hey!

Huh?

Come here, sweetie.

- Hey mom!

- Listen,

I want you to

remember that

Fred doesn't like people going

out the front door, right, huh?

Okay.

What were you

doing in the barn?

Me and Gran Susan

used to have tea there.

I haven't heard you call her

Gran Susan in a long time.

What's that?

It's an emerald frog.

It's from when we

used to have tea.

Hey, you know, umm,

I want you to

hold on to this

and you show this

to Gran Susan, okay,

a little later on?

And then when it's done you

give that right back to me

I've got to put it back

where it went, okay?

Right now I'm

going to the store.

You come with me please.

Go close the barn,

do it first though.

You know, Fred, I've been

thinking about this time

before Carol

and... was born,

you left grandma here to

take care of me in the house.

And I went away to play

with a friend at his house

or something like

that and I came back

and grandma must have

gone out to go shopping

because there

was nobody here

and the door

was locked

and I couldn't

get in the house.

But grandma had

left me a note.

I found it on the door

and it said,

the schlizzle is in

the hunschdizzle.

I didn't know what the

hell it was talking about.

The schlizzle is

in the hunschdizzle.

And then I realized

hunschdizzle meant dog dish.

So I looked down

in the dog dish

and there was the key.

So I figured it out.

The schlizzle is in the

hunschdizzle is the key

is in the dog dish.

Dad?

So I understand you

put in a new oil tank.

It's in the basement.

The old one was outside.

I'm amazed they were able to

get the thing down the stairs.

What did it cost you?

Too much.

You have to

do it, right?

By the way, I noticed

while we were driving up

looks like it can really

use some new paint.

I got a guy who's

cheaper than the Mexicans

and he cuts the lawn.

Wow, cheaper

than the Mexicans.

I'm not being racist,

I'm being realistic.

So how's the

movie business?

That's, uh,

not so realistic.

It's very different than

I thought it was going to be.

I mean, it's all about

the small screen now,

you know, downloads and

all that kind of thing.

Well, how did the movie

about the clown do?

Not so well.

People didn't find it funny.

I thought that

was the point.

You're right,

that was the point,

but when people download

something about a clown,

they have a

certain expectation

it's going to

be hilarious.

It was during

prohibition

and my father was making

wine in the cellar.

So a cop

was walking by

and he saw this large

amount of grapes.

Walked to my

father and said,

hey, Bub, what are

all those grapes for?

My father pointed to me

and my brother and he said,

my kids love them.

And he believed it.

Because it was true.

I mean, you still do

love the grapes, right?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes