Futurama: Bender's Big Score Page #2

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- It's a scam!

Why won't anybody listen to me?

And my mother's maiden name

and her bank account numbers and...

There!

I'm rich. Rich. Rich!

That must be my $400 now.

Hello. Or should I say, '"Buenos dias '"?

Hi. We own your company now.

I'll deal with these guys.

Welcome, boss.

Guess I was wrong.

There was a robot stupid enough

to download the obedience virus.

I sure was. Make a hole, chumps.

Presenting our new masters!

Where shall I put these auto-dialers,

kind master?

Between the password crank

and the spamjaculator.

Come on!

We've got a whole planet to scam.

And bring me some more Gummi Fungus!

We don't have to stand here

and take abuse from a gross nerd.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Now get back to work, you turkeys.

Planet Express is still in business.

We've got crap loads of

quote-unquote merchandise to deliver.

Ship them out, Your Highness.

Finally, some respect.

I feel a little better.

Those marvelous scammers

sure scammed us, huh?

How can you just sit there

kissing the aliens' butt flaps?

Don't you realize

you are totally under their control?

Of course I realize it.

Does that mean I can't enjoy it?

Boy, were we suckers.

Greetings, earthlings.

Oh, hooray.

It's handsome Lars and his fabulous jars.

Hello, everyone who isn't Leela.

And a special hello to everyone else.

Shut your lockers and get to class.

- How's my body doing?

- Oh, I'm afraid it's behind schedule.

The museum got tricked

into giving all its funding

to something called

the Scamming Sciences Institute.

It's a fake place.

Cut to the chase, baldy.

When do I get my me back?

Well, it could be months, or even years.

No! That body's

the cornerstone of my marriage.

What's LaBarbara going to do?

She's going to go back

to her first husband.

Barbados Slim? I love that guy.

Everybody loves Slim.

He's the only man to ever win

Olympic gold medals

in both limbo and sex.

Well, maybe I should get going.

- Yes, I'll show you out.

- No, Leela will show him out.

No, Leela will show you out.

Me. Leela.

So your friend, Fry, seems nice.

- Are you and he dating?

- Nope.

Good, because I was maybe thinking

of asking you out for dinner.

I'll start maybe thinking about saying,

''Sure, when?''

Let me maybe give it some thought.

- Tomorrow at 8:
00?

- Okay.

It's no fair. I've loved Leela

since the day I came to the future.

Did I show you the macaroni valentine

I made for her?

Yes.

Look at it again.

I know she thinks I'm immature,

but someday I won't be.

And deep down in my heart,

I know we'll end up together.

It's all there in the macaroni.

Lars asked me out.

- What are you doing, wonderful masters?

- Sprunjing for information.

Oh! There's something here.

I can sprunje it.

Robot, tear it open!

Goody, goody, goody, goody!

- What's that thing on your neck?

- Checking out my sprunjer, huh?

I guess. What does it do?

It's a special sense organ

our species possesses.

It engorges in the presence of...

Information.

Lucky you.

All I have is a gland

that gives off foul odors when I'm bored.

Hey, look, a safe!

That's my safe. I call keep-offsies.

No callsies! Open it!

It's a gold mine.

Tax forms, Social Security cards.

Combination hair, blood

and stool samples.

I don't get it. How can you say Lars

is more mature than me?

Well, for one thing,

his checkbook doesn't have the Hulk on it.

- Who are you?

- Philip J. Fry.

Social Security Number 03280810?

Stool type, P-negative?

That's right.

I've never detected

so much information before.

I think it may be a Level 87 code.

Level 87? Can it be?

I thought it was only a legend,

but the sprunjer never lies.

- It's in his pants!

- What the hell are you talking about?

Faster, faster!

I'm science-ing as fast as I can.

What do you say, folks? Hot or not?

I'm not seeing any information.

Do more things!

You, boogerbot,

read the code or I'll shoot this guy.

- Who the hell is he?

- I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Hang on, Scruffy!

''Zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero, zero,

one, zero, zero, one, zero,

''zero, one, one, one, one, zero,

one, zero, zero, zero, zero,

''one, one, zero, one, one, zero,

one, one, one, zero, zero, one, one.''

A time sphere.

Naked brothers, we have sprunjed

upon the universal machine

language time code.

The key to time travel.

What's the secret of time travel doing

on Fry's ass?

It was bound to be somewhere.

Beyond this shimmering portal lie

all the glories of history.

And we can steal them!

We just go to the past and take stuff

with our superior weapons!

Stop, you fools.

- What's going on?

- What is happening?

Nibbler, you... You can talk?

I can do more than talk. I can pontificate.

You must not use the code of codes.

With each and every use,

you risk tearing the universe asunder.

Oh, he's so adorable.

The poodle-monkey may be right.

The legend warns that the code is

powerful and dangerous.

My God.

We'd better use it only three or four times.

Six, max.

But even a single use could shatter

the universe.

Got it. Two or three times.

I see I have no choice.

Nibblonians, attack!

Hey! That tickles.

And the pitch!

Mayday, mayday!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Scamper!

Alas, our kitten-class attack ships

were no match for their mighty chairs.

The universe is doomed. Doomed!

Can I pull up my pants now?

Doomed!

Stand back, you wing wangs.

I'm gonna try out this time sphere

with a quick test drive to yesterday.

Bushwa! You can't go mucking about

in the past without creating paradoxes.

I'm afraid he can.

It's a paradox-correcting time code.

It all works perfectly.

Except when it rips open the universe!

Don't do it. I beg you.

Yesterday, please. And make it snappy!

- Hello!

- Howdy!

- Say, what the...

- That's weird.

There was one, but now there's two.

Nothing gets past you, eagle eye.

I went back to last night

and met the ''me'' of that time for a drink.

One thing led to another,

and we ended up at my place.

Or should I say our place?

Oh, come on, you bunch of prudes!

This isn't merely revolting,

it's impossible to boot.

I know a paradox when I see one.

Paradox resolved. Someone get a mop!

You're looking well, Pops.

How can you look me in the eye-and-eye

and say that?

I'm nothing but a brain.

A useless filthy brain!

You forgot lice-infested.

I didn't forget, I just chose not to...

Barbados Slim?

What are you doing here?

Is there something going on

between you two?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

We just happened to run into each other

shortly after your accident.

And every night since then.

You're so crazy.

Woman, no!

Oh, who am I kidding?

Without my body, I'm a nobody.

I'm sorry, Hermes. But look at Barbados.

You can't argue with those luscious pecs.

No, I can't.

But I can ask him to stop wiggling them

in my face.

I'm not wiggling them.

They do that by themselves.

I think I'll go back in time and steal

the Liberty Bell before it cracked.

- Or is the crack the valuable part?

- I don't know, you naked crook!

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