Futurama: Bender's Big Score Page #4

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really goes right through you.

For the first time ever,

I gotta use the bathroom.

But if I leave, I might miss Fry.

Unless...

Zero, zero,

one, one, zero, zero...

And I bet it's gonna get

a lot more confusing.

Hi, I'm you from 19 seconds in the future.

Stay here and wait for Fry

while I go to the bathroom.

Okay, boss.

After I kill Fry, you're next.

- What?

- Nothing.

What the... Who are you?

I'm Bender from way at the end.

I came back to put

this rub-on time code on Fry's ass.

So what are you now, a butler?

Spot of tea, please, jerk wad.

It's called class, you yokel.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have a buttocks to tattoo.

Hello, 2000.

Im home.

Happy New Year, naked weirdo!

Happy New Year.

Hasta la vista, meat bag.

Bender? What are you doing?

Its me, your best friend.

Must obey orders.

Mustn't kill friend.

Badly want to urinate!

- What's happening? Are you urinating?

- Entering auto-destruct sequence.

Crap, I hate auto-destruct sequence.

Explosion in seven, six...

It'll be a cold day in hell, my friend.

Five... Hey, Im supposed to be

the one saying cool things.

Hey!

So the game

of cat and mouse begins, huh?

Let us match wits.

Oh, how am I supposed to find him?

All those times he blabbed on and on

about his life in the 20th century,

if only I had paid

the slightest bit of attention.

Oh, well, guess I better go kill myself.

Hello, bartender?

I have thought it over,

and far from being a fat pig,

you are very nice,

and I would like another drink...

Take a barf, drunky.

Okay, suicide booth,

give me your best shot.

Electrocution, please. Side order of poison.

Hello? Kill me, you stupid machine.

What the... ''Local calls 50 cents''?

Its a street-corner telephone parlor.

What kind of horrible

suicide-free time is this?

Wait a minute.

Maybe this handy encyclopedia

of humans will help me track Fry down.

Fry, Fry, Fry.

One of these Frys must be Fry.

Look out, Philip Fry,

'cause I got a little present for you.

My name is Philip Fry.

Where's my present?

Hang on a second, Fry.

I don't remember you being that ugly.

No, no, Ive always been this ugly.

Let me see your ass.

No tattoo. Okay, you can go.

Farewell, sir.

Say your prayers, Fry.

This isn't Fry.

I kicked Fry out two hours ago.

This is my new boyfriend...

- Constantine.

- Really? That's a dumb name.

Could be a trick.

Let me see your ass, Constantine.

Oh, nice. Now I see why she left Fry.

Okay, you're still clean.

I mean, metaphorically.

He must have left the city.

Man, this could take all day.

You guys wouldn't know a chad

if it was taped to your...

- The returns are looking good, Mr. Gore.

- Thanks, Phil.

Here's to four years

of clean air, clean government,

and amazing new technologies

such as the...

Robot!

Philip Fry?

12 years passed.

Then, this.

Philip J. Fry?

Phil, some kind of trash can

here to see you.

He's coming.

Are you made of Tinkertoy?

Its been 12 years.

Maybe Im getting taller.

You're not getting smarter.

Listen, pipsqueak,

are you Philip J. Fry or not?

'Cause if you are, Im here to kill you.

Id like to see you try.

You want Uncle Phil.

He went to the North Pole

on a fishing boat.

The North Pole! I was just there.

One ticket to the North Pole, please.

Broom-closet class.

Fry?

If only I could be sure.

It is Fry.

Id recognize me,

and hence him, anywhere.

Follow that guy.

There's an extra 100 in it for you

if you follow him so closely

that you run him over.

Yes, sir.

Dang! That $100 could have bought me

one gallon of gas.

Oh, I lost him. People will call me a failure.

Others, however, will call me

the world's sexiest killing machine,

who's fun at parties.

Fry, old buddy. Its me, Bender.

I totally killed him!

Oh, God, what have I done?

Preparing to terminate Philip Fry.

What's with the doofy sunglasses?

Its really bright in the past.

Zero, zero, one, one, zero...

Mission accomplished.

Fry is dead?

No other robot could've done it.

It took 12 years of tireless stalking,

but I hunted down and killed

my best friend.

Im the greatest!

Time code

and obedience virus erased.

Also, 50 terabytes of porn.

Hey!

You've got no code, no porn,

and you're ugly.

Let's dance!

Nuh-nuh-nuh

Nuh-nuh-nuh

Now, it's true, we'll all miss Fry.

He was the only one of you

who never struck me!

And we'll never see his boyish smile

and hair horn again.

But I bet he went back to his own time.

Im sure he was very happy

and lived to a ripe old age.

He wasn't and he didn't!

Struggling alone against incredible odds,

I, Bender, managed to kill him.

I blew him to mush

like a midget in a microwave.

Oh, don't blame yourself, Bender.

I don't blame myself. I blame all of you!

Us? How can you possibly blame us?

It ain't easy. It just proves how great I am.

Fry!

Id give anything to un-murder you!

- Did someone call me?

- No!

Fry?

But I killed you in 2012. Unless...

Nope, he's not a zombie.

- Welcome back, Fry.

- Thank you, Lars.

I... Ill see you later, honey.

So tell us, Fry,

if Bender killed you centuries ago,

how in Satan's glorious name

did you return?

Oh, it's an astonishing tale

of incredibleness.

It all began when I went back in time.

Duh!

Oh, hey, Mr. Panucci.

Im back from that delivery

to the cryogenic lab.

Great, Ill put you on the cover

of Big Whoop magazine.

- Im starving. Can I have a slice?

- Help yourself. Cash up front.

This note is legal tender.

Unfortunately,

I had no money from that era.

But that's when it hit me.

I knew where to find free pizza.

Ice cold.

That's when it hit me again.

But an hour ago,

this pizza's still lukewarm!

''Zero, zero, one, one, zero...''

Explosion in seven, six...

It'll be a cold day in hell, my friend.

Five... Hey, Im supposed to be

the one saying cool things.

- Nice kick, me.

- Thanks. What are you doing here?

One hour from now,

I travel back in time for free pizza.

But Nibbler said not to use the time code.

Fine, Mr. Responsible, don't use the code.

That pizza sure was good.

- You pig.

- Whatever.

That's when it hit me yet a third time.

You idiot!

Frozen me's still got a wallet

full of old-timey money.

Yuck! I touched my own butt!

So I unfroze 10 minutes ago,

and I walked over here,

and then it was now,

and then I don't know what happened.

Well, Im glad you're alive,

but I don't want people to say

Im incompetent,

so I better kill you again. Hold still.

Bender! Stop killing for a minute!

The Fry you murdered

was doomed anyway.

See?

What have you got there? Numbers?

Here, when the time code duplicates

a living thing,

the copy is always doomed.

And that includes

flabby Jamaican pot-bellies.

Kiss my front-butt.

So my copy lived 12 years

before Bender murdered him?

Brutally murdered.

I wonder what his life was like.

I guess we'll never know.

Or will we?

Nope.

They won't know. But you will.

Lucky you.

Oh, hey, Mr. Panucci.

Im back from that delivery

to the cryogenic lab.

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