Futurama: Bender's Big Score Page #5

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I know. I read about it

in Big Whoop magazine.

So my girlfriend kicked me out.

Can I rent the upstairs storage room?

The upstairs storage?

I like you, kid.

Your lousy life makes me feel

good about myself.

The room's yours.

Here, take some rat spray

for the meatball hamper.

Happy day, man. Good to have you back.

Indeed, but the scammers

will soon sprunje the code again.

We must remove the time tattoo at once,

and as painlessly as possible.

Hurry! They're coming!

There, the code is gone.

I saved the space-time continuum

and 40%%% of your rectum.

Yeah!

- That's all you need.

Oh, I sprunje code.

Too late, Nudar.

Ive wiped Fry's butt clean.

We'll see about that.

Nothing, boss.

We sprunjed his ass inside and out.

The only information we found was

a hair shaped like the number six.

Give me that!

Nine. All right, let him go.

I guess the time code really is gone.

Thank God.

The present may stink,

but at least now we can look

forward to a better yesterday.

Im sorry, Leela,

but I can't keep living in the past.

By which I mean the future.

Ill always love you,

but Ive got to move on

and find my life's purpose.

And that's how Bungles the monkey

finally found a friend.

I miss Morbo.

And finally, tonight

on The Late Cute Animal News,

a story that will really

tug your heartstrings

way more than Bungles,

the doll-raping monkey.

It's the tale of lonely Leelu,

the little orphan narwhal.

Leelu is a rare toothed, female narwhal

who got disoriented

and washed up in Atlantic City,

as we all do from time to time.

But without a mother,

she's lost the will to eat.

Come on, take a sip.

I know how to make things eat.

Maybe this is my purpose in life.

Hi, Id like to apply for a job

working with Leelu.

Question number one.

Do you have any experience

working with marine mammals?

- No, but I think they're pretty neat.

- That answers question number two.

Question number three.

Do you know where the door is,

or do you prefer to be kicked out?

I don't know. I guess kicked out.

Hiya, girl!

My name's Fry, and I think you're a cutie,

'cause I like things

that have only one thing

instead of two things.

Holy mackerel!

She's eating whole mackerel.

I don't know what your secret is,

but if you'll work for minimum wage,

you can start tomorrow.

If I work for less than minimum,

can I start today?

I don't see why not.

In business news, the weak

and gullible inhabitants of Earth

were plunged

into economic depression today

as the scammer aliens finished

stealing every item of value,

including ownership of this station.

Tough times, Earth chumps.

We're repossessing your TV.

Seems you can't afford it

now that you're unemployed.

We're not...

I love the Head Museum at night.

Its where I come to be alone.

- Hi, Lars!

- Hi, Lars!

Lars and la belle Leela.

I trust you brought some haute cuisine

for an old Frenchman?

Your favorite, General.

Torgo's Executive Powder.

Mmm! Magnifique!

Come on, Leela. Let me show you

the Hall of Screaming Skulls.

Its so romantic.

What's wrong?

Is the screaming depressing you?

Its just... My life is changing so fast.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I know who you are.

You're the woman

Ive been waiting for all my life.

Let's go to my place.

I like what you've done with it.

And that would be us, dump cakes.

We're buying the whole city

and turning it into

a private panda hunting reserve.

Nuh-nuh-nuh

There aren't any pandas in New New York.

Back it up, Sal!

Look at us, living like trash-eating bums

in an alley now.

Yes, now.

And on Xmas eve,

the most wonderful night of the...

Oops.

Well, at least we have each other.

So it truly is the worst Xmas ever.

Santa!

The Planet Express crew.

According to my list,

you've all been very naughty.

Ill be back for you

after I collect my milk and cookies

from starving orphans.

That's it. I don't see how

things could get any worse.

We could sing.

Id rather kill myself.

Why not do both?

Oh. Very well.

I may as well jump

Those sleazy naked scammers

Made me look like a chump

They robbed me of my dignity

and most of my stuff

Lars brought me candy

Cram it down and shut the hell up

I can't compete with that

He's Barbados Slim and I'm Jamaican fat

Who would choose a backwards corpse

with lice in his hair?

Lars says I'm dreamy

Who the hell cares?

Oh, won't somebody shoot her, please

And put her out of our misery?

That's my cue.

Oh, my word.

Lars makes me puke

I bet she'd love me, too

If I was a baldheaded kook

- Hey, guess what, guys!

- What?

While we were huddled in fear

Lars popped the question

- Congratulations!

- Mazel tov!

May stars in heaven bless your love!

I think I'm gonna cry

'cause it's

an extra happy Xmas this year

Now could things get any worse?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Stop screaming.

That's just what the bomb wants us to do.

I say do what it tells us.

Don't worry, a bomb in a case is

just like a head in a jar.

Oh, Lars, not blowing us up

makes me love you even more.

Lifesaving goody-goody.

Well, now that death

has been staved off momentarily,

let me be the first to say

congratulations, Leela and Lars.

- Maid of honor!

- Maid of honor!

Oh.

- Oh, that's wonderful.

- Im so happy.

I could make you happy, too,

if only you'd give me a chance.

En garde!

You've done a wonderful job, Fry.

When you first started,

I thought she'd be dead within a narweek,

which is six days, I believe.

No, Leelu's a champ.

She just needed someone

to show her how to eat.

Now that's the kind

of whale behavioral science

they don't teach you

in whale behavioral science class.

So what's up, Dr. Shlivinowitz?

This is a little hard for me to say, Fry.

You see, it's...

Its time we released Leelu

back into the wild.

Im sorry, but the decision is final.

Plus, we need the tank

for the Loch Ness monster.

But that turned out to be a log

with a Halloween mask stapled to it.

Yes, well, it still draws a crowd.

I can't let this happen.

She'll never be happy without me.

I know you're broke and homeless,

but you still want

a swank wedding reception.

So I whipped you up

some real nice budget appetizers.

I can keep these down.

Okay. That's a big yes on the crud puffs.

Try the shlimp cocktail.

There must be some way

I can stop this wedding.

- What if I steal the wedding ring?

- Already taken care of.

You think that will be enough

to stop the ceremony?

Nope. I pulled the old switcheroo,

so they won't even know the difference.

Wait a minute.

I think the copy I made

actually cost more than this!

Cheap, lousy Lars.

Actually, this is extremely nice.

But I really went all-out on the copy.

It was sort of my gift to them.

I can't let this happen.

She'll never be happy without me.

Its not fair. We need each other.

Fry, you dumb sack.

I don't care about your problems at all.

- You need your blanket, Mr. Panucci.

- I don't even wanna be here.

I only came because you wheeled me.

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