Futurama: Bender's Game
(BELCHING)
Yes, 10!
Well done, Cubonius.
You decapitated the unicorn.
-Swell.
-All right.
Oh, oh!
We search his tail pouch for treasure.
Deep in the unicorn's rump sack, you find.
(ALL GASPING)
60 gold pieces
and a mysterious scrap of cloth bearing
the unmistakable stench of dwarf urine.
The same stench
that was on the bed linens at the inn?
-The very same.
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I cast a spell of detect magic.
What you doing, mini-meatbags?
Underage gambling?
Shame on you.
Count me in.
We're not gambling.
We're playing Dungeons & Dragons.
Right now, we're fighting for our lives
in the lair of the dragon queen.
Wrong, right now you're
ass-deep in a folding chair.
Yes, but in my imagination
Giddy up, Sparky!
Am I the only one seeing him sitting here
with peanut butter on his face?
Bender, were you built
without an imagination?
What? Don't be stupid, of course not.
It just hasn't descended yet.
Fry, do I have an imagination?
I don't know, Bender. Why do you ask?
Were the other boys making fun of you?
Mmm-hmm.
They said I couldn't imagine things.
Well, you never know unless you try.
Like, I didn't know
if I could swallow a softball,
so I gave it my best shot and voila!
Wait, that's not it.
There she blows.
(ALARM BEEPING)
COMPUTER:
Warning, out of dark matter fuel.
That's not a warning.
before something bad happens.
COMPUTER:
Warning,engines will shut down in one second.
That's more like it.
(ENGINES DYING)
Uh-oh.
This space neighborhood
looks kind of sketchy.
Rock 'n' roll.
That punk stole our hood ornament.
Now no one will know
we have the LX package.
LEELA:
We need dark matter and we need it fast.
Fry, check Nibbler's litter box.
Maybe he dropped a steamer.
Aye, aye, Captain.
Yes! I've never been so excited
to see poop.
Well, maybe once.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL CHEERING)
There's gas in our ass.
(HUMMING)
Can you believe the price of dark matter?
It'd be cheaper to fill the tank
with Nobel Prize winners' sperm.
COMPUTER:
Total dark matter purchased, $632. 14.
Your Speedpass will now be charged.
(EXCLAIMS)
You lousy...
REDNECK:
Hey,gets a loads of that ugly ship.
What shades of green is that? Puke?
(REDNECKS LAUGHING)
For your information
More like puke.
Whoa!
Yeah, why don't you come a little closer
so my boot can hear you?
Calm down, Leela.
You can vent tonight on your blog.
What's the matters,
you couldn't affords the LX package?
Puke-a-doodle-do.
You're making fun of our ship?
Your ship is the most beat-up thing
I've ever seen,
and I've seen Mickey Rourke's head.
Yeah, she's a little worky,
but you got to gets big time ugly to be
five-time winners at a demolition derby.
That's five more times than we've won
or even entered.
We do suck.
Yup, and it's gonna be six winses
after tonights.
We'll sees abouts that.
Dark matter costs have tripled,
so we must reduce expenses.
Therefore, we will no longer provide
complimentary porno magazines
in the lounge.
-Darn it.
-And no more wasting fuel.
From now on I'll be keeping a tight hold
on the keys to the ship,
swallowing them before I go to bed
and recovering them the next morning.
(EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY)
Professor, it's 4:00.
4:
00 in the evening? Then, good night.I don't care what the Professor says.
We're entering that demolition derby
to prove our ship isn't a piece of junk.
But won't that turn our ship
into a piece of junk?
Shut up, Zoidberg.
He's right, Leela.
But we have no choice.
Rednecks insulted us.
So? Let it go.
Don't let your temper get the better of...
Rednecks!
(SNORING)
Using this magneto,
I will now guide the keys up the thorax
and out via the frontal face hole.
(FARNSWORTH COUGHING)
That's the storage locker, the bolt,
the other bolt, pay dirt!
WOMAN:
(SINGING) Rocket ship.Rocket ship.
RICH:
Greetings, sports fans.Though whether
this outpouring of inbreds
can in fact be classified as a sport
is a subject of no small scholarly debate.
Well, wells, well, if it ain'ts
Princess Pukerella
and her pukey puke-mobile.
Oh, yeah? Well... Shut up.
-Good comeback, Leela.
-You shut up, too.
(BENDER SCREAMS)
Rich Little, here, as Howard Cosell.
And now to grace us with its rendition
of the national anthem,
please welcome what is lef
of the Dixie Chicks
afer their tragic
matter transporter accident.
We 're in horrible pain.
(ALL CHEERING)
RICH:
And we are underway.Whoas!
Yes! Now we're inflicting.
RICH:
Outstanding! Tonight we arewitnessing a veritable clinic
and that ludicrous hullabaloo
known as demolition derby.
Way to kill the franchise, Bakula.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are down to our final two ships.
In the storied annals of demolition derby,
today will surely be remembered,
if only as the day
upon which I was absorbed
into that hideous conglomeration
once known as the Dixie Chicks.
Buckle your sphincters.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
-No! No!
-No!
-That broad's insanes.
-But you're insansier, right?
Nah, I guess nots.
I've decideds to relax
and enjoy life from now ons.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(ALL CHEERING)
Yes! We did it!
AndPlanet Express takes the trophy.
WOMAN:
(SINGING) Rocket ship.(CRASHING)
(SNORING)
Now, I'll use the magnet
to get the keys back in there.
What? You mean I cut a big hole
in him for nothing?
Don't worry, the Professor
won't even remember
that he has a spaceship.
(LEELA GASPS)
My precious spaceship.
My lone source of joy
in the cold December of my days.
Come, friends. Let's take her for a spin
to the malt shop like old times.
Leela to Zoidberg.
Execute Distraction Protocol Alpha.
ZOIDBERG ON RADIO: Roger that.
Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
Don't look at me.
(HERMES GASPING)
Yes, she's a wonderful ship, all right.
As beautiful now
as the day I got botched laser eye surgery.
Now, that's odd.
What's the fuel gauge doing on the...
(FARNSWORTH GASPING)
Great Godzilla's gonads!
Answer now or be punished.
-(SIGHING) All right, fine. I admit it.
-You will be punished.
Oh, my gosh, 20!
Yeah.
Your pole arm does double damage,
and the gelatinous cube dies
in horrible poverty.
(GASPING)
-All right.
-Hooray.
I proceed to cast a spell of darkness.
Most ingenious.
-Bender?
-Me?
I cast a spell of darkness.
(EXCLAIMS)
Pretty imaginative, huh?
No, you just did the same thing as me,
but with a dumb noise.
Oh...
You're right. I'm great in every way
except I have no imagination.
All I ever wanted is to play
this magical game and I can't.
Yes, you can. You just have
to lose yourself in the fantasy.
You have to believe the impossible
is merely preposterous.
Okay. Here goes.
Visor down.
I believe, I believe.
Ooh.
I did it! I imagined something.
For 1.3 milliseconds,
I truly believed I was a noble robot
in days of yonder.
Way to go, Bender.
What is thy character's name, good sir?
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