George Carlin: Doin' It Again Page #3

---

up instead of you.

In fact, the way

I look at it,

the most cancer you got,

the healthier you are.

Well, I know, some people

don't like you to

talk about those things,

I know that.

Some people don't like you

to mention certain things.

Some people don't

want you to say this,

some people don't

want you to say that.

Some people think if

you mention some things

they might happen.

Some people are

really f***ing stupid.

Did you ever notice that,

how many really stupid people

you run into during the day?

God damn, there's a lot of

stupid bastards walking around.

Carry a little pad

and pencil with you,

you wind up with 30 or 40

names by the end of the day.

Look at it this way.

Think of how stupid

the average person is,

and then realize half of

them are stupider than that.

And it doesn't

take you very long

to spot one of them, does it.

Take you about

eight seconds.

You'll be listening

to some guy, and say,

this guy is f***ing stupid.

Then,

then there are some people,

they're not stupid.

They're full of sh*t.

Huh, that doesn't take

very long to spot, either,

does it.

Take you about the

same amount of time.

You'll be listening to

some guy, saying, well,

he's fairly intelligent.

Ah, he's full of sh*t.

Then there are some

people, they're not stupid,

they're not full of sh*t,

they're f***ing nuts.

Dan Quayle is all three,

all three,

stupid,

full of sh*t,

and f***ing nuts.

And where did he

get that wife of his?

Have you taken a good look

at that Marilyn Quayle?

Where did he get her,

at a Halloween

party or something?

She looks like Prince

Charles, for Christ's sake.

Let me ask you something,

does he actually have

to f*** that woman?

Huh?

God help him,

I wouldn't f*** her

with a stolen dick.

That's my political humor.

People like it

when you're topical.

Oh, some people don't

like you to talk like that.

Oh, some people would

like to shut you up

for saying those things.

You know that,

lots of people,

lots of groups in this country

want to tell you how to talk,

tell you what you

can't talk about.

Sometimes they'll say, well,

you can talk

about something,

but you can't joke about it.

Say you can't joke about

it because it's not funny.

Comedians run into that

sh*t all the time, like rape.

They'll say, you

can't joke about rape.

Rape's not funny.

I say, f*** you,

I think it's hilarious,

how do you like that?

I can prove to you

that rape is funny.

Picture Porky Pig

raping Elmer Fudd.

See?

Hey, why do you think

they call him Porky, huh?

I know what

you're going to say,

Elmer was asking for it.

Elmer was coming on to Porky.

Porky couldn't help

himself, he got a hard-on,

he got horny,

he lost control,

he went out of his mind.

Lot of men talk like that,

lot of men think that way.

They think it's

the woman's fault.

They like to blame

the rape on the woman,

say, hey, she had it coming,

she was wearing a short skirt.

These guys think women

ought to go to prison

for being cock teasers.

Don't seem fair to me,

don't seem right,

but you can joke about it.

I believe you can

joke about anything.

It all depends on how

you construct the joke,

what the exaggeration is,

what the exaggeration is.

Because every joke

needs one exaggeration,

every joke needs one thing

to be way out of proportion.

Give you an example.

Did you ever see a news

story like this is the paper?

Every now and then you

run into a story that says,

some guy broke

into a house,

stole a lot of things,

and while he was in there,

he raped an

81-year old woman.

And I'm thinking to myself,

why!

What the f***

kind of a social life

does this guy have?

I want to say,

why did you do that?

Well, she was

coming on to me.

We were dancing,

and I got horny.

Hey, she was asking for it.

She had on a tight bathrobe.

I say, Jesus Christ,

be a little f***ing

selective next time, will you?

Now, speaking of rape.

You know what I wonder?

I wonder is there

more rape at the equator

or the North Pole?

These are the kind

of things I think about

when I'm sitting home alone

and the power goes out.

I wonder is there

more rape at the equator

or the North Pole.

I mean, per capita.

I know the

populations are different.

Most people think

it's the equator.

I think it's the North Pole.

People think it's the equator

because it's hot down there,

they don't wear

a lot of clothing,

guys can see women's tits,

they get horny, and there's

a lot of f***ing going on.

That's exactly why there's

less rape at the equator,

because there's a lot

of f***ing going on.

You can tell there's a lot

of f***ing at the equator,

take a look at the

population figures.

Billions of people

life near the equator.

How many Eskimos

we got, 30, 35?

No one's getting laid

at the North Pole,

it's too f***ing cold.

Guys say to their wives,

hey, tonight honey,

huh, tonight, huh?

Are you crazy,

the wind chill

factor is 300 below.

These guys are

deprived, they're horny,

they're pent up.

Every now and

then, they bust out,

they got to rape somebody.

Now, the biggest problem

an Eskimo rapist has,

trying to get

wet leather leggings

off a woman who's kicking.

Did you ever try to

get leather pants off

of someone who doesn't

want to take them off?

You would lose your

hard on in the process.

Up at the North Pole,

your dick would shrivel up

like a stack of dimes.

That's another

thing I wonder.

I wonder, does a

rapist have a hard on

when he leaves the

house in the morning,

or does he develop

it during the day

when he's walking around

looking for somebody?

These are the

kind of thoughts

that kept me out of

the really good schools.

Now I probably got the

feminists all pissed off at me

because I'm joking about rape.

Feminists want to

control your language.

Feminists want to

tell you how to talk.

And they're not alone,

they're not alone,

I'm not picking

on the feminists,

they got a lot of

company in this country.

There's a lot of groups,

lot of institutions

in this country

want to control your language,

tell you what you can say

and what you can't say.

Government wants to tell

you some things you can't say

because they're

against the law.

Or you can't say this

because it's

against a regulation.

Or here's something

you can't say

because it's a secret.

You can't tell him that

because he's not

cleared to know that.

Government wants to

control information

and control language

because that's the

way you control thought.

And basically that's

the game they're in.

Same with religion.

Religion is nothing

but mind control.

Religion is just trying

to control your mind,

control your thoughts,

so they're going to

tell you some things

you shouldn't say

because they're sins.

And besides telling you

things you shouldn't say,

religion's going to suggest

to you some things

you ought to be saying.

Here's something you

ought to say first thing

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes