Girlfriend's Day Page #5

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"Quick! Ray's coming! Hide!"

That's great.

[whispers]

I have an idea.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Why don't you write me a card

and tell me all about it?

I intend to.

[child's toy squeaks]

Sorry for calling you so early.

You kidding me?

I've been up since 5:30 a.m.

[baby squeals]

How many fish did you catch?

Just give me the card.

[baby]

Da-da.

You did it.

God.

You did it.

Give it to 'em.

Get your reward.

Don't worry, I will.

[indistinct conversation]

Ray! Tell me you got something for me!

I did it. It's the best I ever wrote.

It... it's pithy and it's sweet.

It's got heart, and after this,

I'm done, okay?

I'll make sure

you're well-compensated.

This is blank.

Yeah. The real one's right here.

You can't have it.

What?

You can't have it!

I didn't write it for you.

I'm gonna give it to the person

I wrote it for,

and you can suck my dick, okay?

Give me the card!

[Styvesan screams]

[groans]

Hey. You up for

some spaghetti and booze?

Uh, Ray...

I know this is impromptu,

but this is...

"Real Champagne-Flavored

Alcohol Drink." It...

What?

- Ray, I-I don't think...

- Don't worry. It's done.

- What's done?

- The card.

Go ahead. Take a look.

And guess what...

I'm not giving it to anyone.

Just you.

Because I wrote it for you.

You should go.

I'd love a gander at that,

if you're done.

Come on in.

Hmm?

So, it was a chick

that did the trick, huh?

Well, Gundy figured one of us

would get it.

Nice job, huh?

Well, beauty wins. Whatever.

Did the trick? Jill...

- Shut the hell up.

- [Ray groans]

All right, let's see what gay sentence

turned on the lady's faucets.

You piece of sh*t.

This is really good.

[Detective Miller groans]

[groaning]

[Ray]

Now no one gets it.

- [door crashes open]

- Hey! Where's the card?

- Where's the damn card?

- You got it, fancy pants?

- Where's the card?

- Where is the card?

There it is!

Sh*t, it's not here.

Ah! Oh!

Come on!

Man, it's all burnt up!

[c*cks shotgun]

He's still got it in his mind.

Come on.

- Get up!

- Get in there.

No! Stop!

Hey, what are we waiting for?

Use your brain, Sonnyboy.

You know, I got a card

when I got out of prison one time,

from my momma.

"Young man,

with brains, muscles, looks,

and girls chasing you...

you'll go far.

Love, Mom."

It's a pretty good one.

Did you write this one?

Let's see that.

Aah! Damn thing cut me!

[Sonnyboy groans]

[Betcher] Now...

where's your card?

I don't have it.

Styvesan told the boss

that you did have it.

He said that you said

that it was your best card ever.

So, tell it!

Ask the woman. She saw it.

I'm never gonna tell you.

Then you're gonna

have to say what was on it.

Ooh, I know.

Give me his f***-you finger.

Yeah, split it open.

Yeah. Wanna tell us?

[Ray groans]

[Betcher cackles]

Jesus!

Oh, lookit.

Hey, what's the worst place

you can get a papercut?

Ooh, how about the pee hole?

Ohh! Pee hole's bad!

On the eye. The eye!

- That's it, the eye.

- Yeah, right on the eyeball.

Give me that.

Tell 'em what the card said.

Just tell them. Why does it even matter?

'Cause.

You got paid to be with me.

You know what that makes you?

A whore.

- Hey!

- [Ray groans]

He said the "W."

Not in this house!

Everybody's equals here.

[Betcher cries out]

Mr. Gundy?

Hello, Raymond.

You crazy a**hole.

Oh, language!

There's a child present.

Hi, Aunt Jill!

Ellen.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid it's

Take Your Daughter To Work Day,

and I guess I take even

the most off-brand holiday seriously.

Ellie, that's enough.

You'll see Auntie Jill soon enough.

You okay?

Adolph, would you kindly escort

my daughter outside and sit with her?

Well, stop looking at me like I'm a donut

and keep my daughter company!

Go on. Go.

What... what'll we do?

Well, I don't care.

Look at the clouds. There's

some fascinating shapes today.

There. The children are gone.

Now, let's us adults

have some straight talk.

Where's the card, Mr. Wentworth?

You killed Taft.

Taft was writing a card

for my competition.

You mean your brother.

I learned long ago, never let

the trappings of shared DNA

impede my path to success.

- All this for a f***ing card?

- Shut up!

Is your brother as crazy as you are?

My brother? My brother?

My brother had everything

handed to him.

The blind luck of the firstborn.

But not me, Mr. Wentworth.

I had to fight and claw my way

for everything.

Now, where's the card?

No. You get nothing.

Because of Taft?

Come on, Raymond,

he was your competition.

Why did you have to kill him?

Tell me, sir...

what do you know about holidays?

About bloodshed?

Holidays are born in blood.

Fourth of July?

Nothing less than a war.

Mother's Day.

A woman goes through nine months

of excruciating pregnancy,

and tops it off with a small human

awash in her own blood.

And what did it take to have

Christmas and Easter?

Biggest holidays of them all,

the top two.

It took the greatest man

who ever lived

to be crucified.

Do you understand, Mr. Wentworth?

It's all about sacrifice.

The universe cries out for sacrifice,

and I'm simply following the template.

Ray.

He's serious.

That little girl, she's...

[Ray groans]

You needed a muse.

Now...

when my junky nephew

and Jill bore a child,

I simply wanted to have

the little bean brought up properly.

Of course, I was foolish enough

to let her stay in the child's life.

It was a tangled web indeed,

but now I intend

to clear the situation up,

once and for all.

[Jill gasps softly]

You can have it.

You get the card, Jill gets the girl.

Ah, no, thank you.

That child is going to grow up

knowing herself

in a higher class

than she was born to.

After all, she's my legacy.

I intend for her to have the best

and be the best,

and she will never hear a whisper

of her no-account,

drug addict birth father

or her whore of a mother.

[gunshot]

[heavy thud]

[groans]

Nobody better'n nobody.

[both panting]

[Ray] After all that,

I gave them the damn card.

They found a nice, cheery front

to sell it, and that did the trick.

Made people feel good, I guess,

the kind of good feeling

some dumb card can give you.

I don't sell

my feelings anymore, either.

I'm saving 'em up

for somebody special.

Slow down, slow down.

Just... just slow down.

- What, did I do something wrong?

- No, no, no. Pull up a little bit.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

[coins jingle]

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