Grandma's Boy Page #2

Oh, hi. I didn't know

anyone new was coming in.

- I'm Alex. I'm one of the testers.

- Do you usually sleep here?

No. I was working late.

I love work. I love life.

That's good to know.

Yeah, um, your office is probably

the empty one down the hall.

- Thank you. Alex, there's-

- Yeah?

Brush your teeth.

I'll see you later.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Johnny.

Who the f*** is Johnny?

What's up, Douche Bigalow?

How'd you sleep last night?

Fine, Speed Racer.

What did you do, valet your bed?

Uh, no, but I'll self-park it

in your a**hole.

- Come on. Let's go to lunch.

- Hey, you remember Lara, don't you?

Yes, I do, and she

already has a cold sore. That's a surprise.

Hey, word on the street is Mr. Cheezle

brought some girl here from New York...

...to make sure we finish

"Eternal Death Slayer" on time.

Yeah, her name's Samantha.

She's really hot. She wants to bang me.

- I'm sure she does. Are you ready?

- Oh, please.

Line up, you f***ing nerds.

Who wants a shot at the champ?

Who's going down?

I'm taking the title, old man.

The game... is Frog Bog.

Let's do it.

Om.

Om.

- Tea?

- Sure.

It's a wonderful

dandelion-nettle blend.

Very cleansing.

Good for new beginnings.

So, Samantha, as you know,

our immediate focus...

...is the completion of "Eternal Death Slayer 3"

in time for the fall.

We've had an enormous amount

of bugs at this stage, and, quite frankly...

I'm a little more than concerned.

"Knife Head IV" was in a similar situation,

but we met the deadline.

"Jump Rope City" was a total nightmare,

and we figured it out.

That's why I brought you in.

To complete E.D.S. 3 on schedule...

...so we can free up all the testers for

J.P.'s new masterpiece.

Two major titles in one year?

And he's programming

and designing them all by himself?

- He must be a genius.

- Well,J.P. is not normal.

He created the original

"Eternal Death Slayer" when he was only 13.

He's the definition of a prodigy.

- J.P.

- Sorry I'm late, Mr. Cheezle.

I was in the middle of another huge breakthrough

with the new game.

- How's it looking?

- It's the future of gaming.

Breathtaking. Care for tea?

No, I'm good.

Uh, I don't believe that we've met.

Oh, this is Samantha Garson.

I brought her in from New York to, uh,

be the project manager on E.D.S. 3.

Hi. It's nice to finally meet you.

You have quite a reputation.

Everything you've heard about me is true.

So, uh, if you ever need anything,

just please, feel free to call.

- I'll give you all my numbers.

- Thanks, I will.

Seriously, anything you need.

Say,J.P., why don't you show Samantha around

the office, introduce her to everyone.

Sure. I cou-Yeah.

I'll put my genius on hold for awhile.

After you, my lady.

Namaste, you guys.

Did the kids in school hound you

for "Eternal Death Slayer" tips?

School.

I didn't need school.

All I ever cared about were video games,

and they've made me a millionaire.

So maybe I don't know

what the Civil War was...

...or who invented the helicopter,

even though I own one.

But I did beat "The Legend of Zelda"

before I could walk.

- That's cool.

- Yeah.

I'm thinking of getting metal legs. It's

a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.

What's in here?

It's just the kids

in their break room.

Or as I call it,

"The Stupid Idiot Room Full ofJerks. "

- Mine's the biggest office-

- Let's check it out.

- Let's go!

- You suck! You suck!

I thought you were

good at this, man.

Oh, flies. I'm a frog.

I'm eating flies. A lot more than you.

Eat that frog dick, Timmy! Eat it!

I'm sorry you had to see this.

It's all these poor knaves have to

look forward to every day.

Yeah! Your sh*t's weak!

Sh*t's weak!

Whoa! Yeah! Yeah!

Your sh*t's weak! Wizzeak!

- You never had a chance, Timmy.

- I'll get you eventually, gray bush. Time is on my side.

Hey, at least I have a bush.

- Sh*t's weak!

- Oh, hey, Samantha. Sorry you had to hear that.

No. Congratulations

on having a bush.

How do you two

know each other?

I woke him up here this morning.

He fell asleep working late last night.

Yeah, well, that's what old people do.

They fall asleep.

Wow,J.P., that is a great outfit.

How much do clothes cost

in the Matrix?

So funny I forgot to laugh.

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too.

It's not gray.

- Hey!

- What?

My bush isn't really gray.

- Not according to my mom.

- I thought I told you to quit talking about that.

- People keep asking me about it.

- Um-

I'm really sorry to have to leave

this conversation, but I will see you guys later.

Get back to work, testers.

Hey, Samantha, don't take the red pill!

Adios, turd nuggets.

Wow.

Hey, Timmy, any chance I can

crash on your couch tonight?

Why? So you can

jerk off on my mom?

Jeff's a f***ing liar, Timmy!

What's that?

How many people did you tell

about the incident with me and your mom?

Thirteen, maybe. Why?

I didn't know it was a secret.

No, you're right.

Your mom would really appreciate it.

- My bad. Sorry.

- It's all right.

So where are you going to

crash tonight?

Um, this, uh- This really cute chick

I've known for a long time...

...said that I could sleep over

with her and her two crazy girlfriends.

- No way!

- Yep.

Three chicks and you?

Yeah. I'll call you later

and let you know which bed I end up in.

- Totally. Oh, my roommate's here. Later, 'gator.

- Later.

- Hi, honey.

- Hi, Mommy.

- Did you have a good day?

- I did. Did you remember to TiVo SamuraiJack?

I did.

Oh, honey, they work you too hard there.

- That's a long day.

- It's not that tough of a job, though, Grandma. But thank you.

You are something else.

You must be starving, darling.

Yeah, I could eat.

That's, uh, quite the buffet

you have there.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Oh, Grace, you remember

my grandson Alex.

Our new roommate.

- How long you staying?

- Um,just till I find a new apartment.

- Do you have a girlfriend?

- No.

- How old are you now?

- I'll be 36 in October.

My grandson's gay too.

I'll give you his number.

- I'm not gay, but thank you.

- Denial.

Wow. That Grace sure makes me

feel warm and welcome.

Well, you'd be bitter too

if you had four husbands die on you.

Probably suicides.

- I was just kidding.

- There we go. Here's your din-din.

Oh, watch- It's hot.

Ooh, be careful-

Okay, so that's chicken cutlet,

leftover lasagna...

...some scrambled eggs...

...some pudding and-

and, oh, wait a minute.

A piece of the wedding cake.

- That is awesome, Grandma. Thank you.

- Ah, you're welcome.

Here's your new room, baby.

- Wow, Grandma, this is nice.

- Oh, good.

Hey, uh, Sophie didn't

die in the bed, did she?

- Oh, no.

- Good, good, good.

- No. She fell out of bed and died right here.

- Ew!

Oh, I am so happy

that you're here, honey.

- Thank you so much, again.

- Sweet dreams, darling.

- Oh, thanks.

- Okay.

- See you in the morning.

- You sure will.

Ew.

I died on the floor...

...and nobody helped me.

You have got to be

f***ing shitting me.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes