Grandma's Boy Page #4

I have here. I'm really counting on you.

My hands being burnt will not

affect me finishing my levels at all.

Well, I sure hope it doesn't.

It won't.

You know, you seem really out of place

in the video game world.

- Why? 'Cause I'm a woman?

- No, 'cause you're a really hot woman...

...and you are swimming

in a sea of virgins.

Well, that is very flattering

and revealing, Alex.

Look, I know you think

I'm really hot too...

...and you want to go out with me

after work and get a drink.

But I have this very serious

deadline that my boss gave me.

So until I finish my levels,

I can't have any distractions.

- I guess I'll just have to suffer until then.

- Sorry.

- Mr. Cheezle on line two.

- I have to take this.

Avoid his tea parties.

Hello.

What are you doing,J.P.?

Just thinking about my game.

Huh. How's that going?

People will bow to it.

All right. That-That's creepy.

I hate your face.

Did you say something?

You're f***ing weird.

How can he see me?

Before we can roast it, I want to get

the heat in the pan nice and high.

And we're going to salt and pepper

the pork-

Hello, ladies.

Enjoying the new cable?

Some of the places do with string,

some of the places do with a net.

You like that cooking channel,

huh, Grandma?

And it's all food, all day.

That's all they do,

is they make food.

I want to eat the TV.

Thanks a lot, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can

introduce them to heroin.

...with a label on it. It's very rare to see

a beer stein-

- What's this?

- Antiques Roadshow.

- What's that?

- Oh, it's great.

People a take in crap and then find out

it's worth a lot of money.

Move over, Bea.

- I'm an antique.

- Yes, you are, Bea.

King Gambrinus, who is

the patron saint of beer-

So, ladies, I kind of need

to use the televi-

Shh! Go read your Playgirl

or something.

- $4,000 for a beer mug?

- That's ridiculous.

And we'll be right back as the

Antiques Roadshow marathon continues.

Marathon? F*** me.

Come on.

Ooh. Hi. You're dead. Bye-bye.

What's up? J-dog.

- Hey,J-dork, it's Alex.

- What's going on, sh*t lips?

Uh, not much. Look, I need you to

do me a huge favor.

- You're not jerking off on my dad.

- Ha, ha. Very funny.

No, I really need your help.

Do you think you can do some of my levels?

What? No. Why can't you do them?

Look, my roommates won't

let me get any work done. They're insane.

They won't stop watching... Porn.

I can't get anything done.

They're total nymphos. You got to help me.

You're dead to me. Over.

Oh. Jeff's a good friend.

Uh, this is not

an ordinary Tiffany lamp.

This one is a fish lamp.

You can see that

there are fish swimming.

The glass that these fish are-

It's 6:
00 already?

Ooh! Okay, I'll make you some breakfast

before you do your chores.

Oh, no, no, no, Grandma,

don't worry. No.

I'm not that hungry. I was going to go

into work early also.

I don't- I don't have time

to do any chores today.

Oh, it's just a couple

of things, sweetie.

Do you know how to

use a sandblaster?

Where did you get that?

Oh, well, there was a break in the marathon

on TV, so I did some of your laundry.

I found that vase in your bag and, well,

it smelled terrible, so I cleaned it.

Doesn't it look nice?

Thanks.

Fruit cup? Nice. Way to go, Mom.

Challenge.

Quiet, Bobby. Can't you see

Alex is sleeping? He's not taking challenges.

No. I'm challenging you,Jeff.

To what game?

A little "Dance Dance Revolution. "

That's great, Bobby...

...but we don't have

"Dance Dance Revolution", so you're dumb.

- Ultramix 2!

- When the hell did we get this?

It just came in this morning.

Suddenly, you're not such a big sh*t-talker

anymore, are you,Jeff?

Looks like my days are numbered here

at Brainasium.

Well, can you at least go first so I can see

what I'm doing?

Oh, with pleasure.

Yeah, lose

the Woody Allen jacket.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Good stuff, Bobby.

Nice moves. That was hot.

Well, let's see

what we got here. Hmm.

Are you ready? Dance!

You're gonna break the game, you're so good!

Whoo! That game is fun! Oh, my God!

- A new high score.

- What does "high score" mean?

New high score. Is that bad?

What does that mean?

Did I break it?

Hey,J.P.

Do-Do you have a second?

You didn't knock, Kane.

I did. But I think that the music

was a little loud.

Are you afraid of it?

No. I- I just don't like techno.

You would if you had robot ears.

Yeah, I guess.

Anyway, I had a suggestion

for "Eternal Death Slayer. "

- You know the dwarves in-

- Three.

What?

"Eternal Death Slayer 3."

Three. Sorry.

Anyway, don't you think that

the dwarves on Level 4...

...look a little too similar

to the elves on Level 6?

Might be a little too confusing.

Well, that's an interesting

theory, Kane.

But redesigning all those characters

at this stage would be way too expensive.

I agree. But what if you just

rendered them a different color?

You know, that would be

cheap and quick.

Uh- Leave the decisions

to me, Kane.

There's a reason why I'm the creator

of E.D.S. 3 and you're just a tester.

I just-

Eject.

He had a good idea.

Shut up. Mind your own business.

May I speak to you, my lady?

Uh, yeah. I guess.

But could you please

knock next time?

And what is it with

this "my lady" stuff?

What are you, a knight

of the Round Table? Come on.

Sorry.

- What was that?

- Uh, nothing. Nothing.

I just came to tell you

that I noticed the dwarves on Level 4...

...and elves on Level 6 of E.D.S. 3

look way too similar.

Could be confusing to some.

Well, uh, what do you want me to do?

I can't push the deadline any further.

Well, you wouldn't have to

if you just rendered them different colors.

Be cheap and wouldn't take

more a than a day or two.

Yeah. Yeah, we can

definitely do that.

That... is a great idea.

Those are the only kind I have.

There's a symposium on nanotechnology

tomorrow at UCLA, 3:00 p. M.

- I thought maybe-

- J.P.

- Yeah?

- I'm working.

Right. I am too. I just-

I just thought

I'd let you know.

I think that everybody should know.

You should probably make that a memo.

- ASAP.

- ASAP. Gotcha.

- Hey, dude.

- What's up, guys? What did weirdo say about the elves?

- Shot it down.

- What? Really? That was a good idea.

No, it wasn't.

I'm a piece of sh*t. I suck.

Relax, Kane. You're not

a piece of sh*t.

Just run it by Alex.

Maybe he'll talk toJ.P.

You'll have to wake him up

out of his sex coma first.

He gives me a reason to live.

Him and all those stink-ass hos.

Dude, he's living a fantasy.

It's so awesome.

No! You guys,

it's not awesome, okay?

Our report is due tomorrow

and he hasn't even started it.

All right? If he doesn't finish it,

were totally f'ed.

Crap. That's Alex's intercom.

- Hello?

- Delivery at the front desk for you, Alex.

- Cool! I hope it's a naked dude with a boner.

- What?

Nothing. Send it back.

- Come on. Let's find Alex's desk.

- God bless us, every one.

May I help you ladies?

Are you looking for Alex?

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