Grandma's Boy Page #5

Yes. I'm Alex's grandmother Lilly,

and these are his roommates.

This is Grace and that's Bea.

- Well, it's a pleasure to meet you ladies.

- Thank you.

We thought it would be nice to bring him

a nice homemade lunch.

Oh, that's very sweet.

Well, I'm Samantha.

- Come on. I'll show you where he works.

- Okay.

You're dying.

- Hey,Jeff.

- Hi.

Is Alex around?

He has some visitors.

Uh, no. No, he's not. Hi, ladies.

Did you go to high school with Alex?

Thank you.

We're his roommates.

You're the reason

Alex has been tired all week?

We have been

sort of rough on him...

...but he is kind of soft,

if you know what I mean.

Well, we're not used

to having a man in the house...

...so I guess we-

we ride him pretty hard.

- Oh! That is so gnarly.

- So where is he?

Uh, I haven't seen him.

He's definitely not

under his desk sleeping. That's a fact.

Well, he's probably working hard somewhere.

Could you please

just give him his lunch...

...and tell him that I've had such fun

playing with his new toy all morning.

- And when he comes home later, he can play with me.

- Oh, my gosh!

- I'm gonna barf.

- That is so repulsive.

All right! That's enough.

I'm-I'm here.

- Well, there you are.

- Hi, Grandma.

- We missed you.

- I was somewhere else, working hard on something.

- Dude, what is going on?

- This is my grandmother.

- Hello.

- These are her two roommates.

I've been living with them

for the last week.

Okay.

- Hi, Grandma, ladies.

- Hi.

Good to know. Dude.

Jerking off on my mom

is one thing...

...but bangin' your grandmother

and her roommates?

- That's like... Legendary.

- You're an idiot.

Hey, y-you know what, ladies?

Uh, why don't I-

Come on. I'll walk you out.

No, we're gonna go this way, Bea.

Oh, my God.

- Holy crap.

- Dildo lunch?

Sometimes they're marked

like this first one, which is by Llewellyn.

Sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're

just great style, like this one, um-

- Oh. Hi, sweetheart.

- Hey, Grandma.

Hey, Bea. You know, you guys should

probably go to bed early.

- You have a busy day tomorrow.

- What do you mean?

- I don't have any plans.

- No.

I just figured you wanna be well-rested

if you're gonna go to...

Antiques Roadshow.

Oh! Alex, you're an angel.

Oh, you can stay as long as you like

and love any man you choose.

Pamela Mills here in Van Nuys...

...where a rare breed of African lion was

captured in a residential neighborhood.

Sir, what was going through your head

when you came upon the lion?

This sh*t is f***in' crazy.

I don't even know how a lion

got into the neighborhood.

I heard some growlin' and sh*t

out in the yard.

So my roommate and I,

we go to check the sh*t out.

I look up in the tree, and there's

the f***ing king of the jungle!

- You know, you ladies should really get some sleep.

- Ooh. Yes, that's right.

We need our beauty sleep because we

have to get a lot of things appraised.

Come on, Bea. Come on.

It was starin'right at me.

I almost sh*t my f***in'pants.

So I ran inside

and called the 5-0.

Good night, ladies.

Time to get some levels done.

Okay. Okay, okay. All right. Maybe we can

just divide up the levels...

...and just do them right now.

There's no time. We're screwed.

Are we gonna get fired?

I mean, you might. We won't.

Boy, I hope I do.

I'm a worthless a**hole

who deserves to die young.

Easy, Kane. He'll be here, you guys.

Relax. Have faith.

Don't slit your wrists, Kane.

I'm here.

Gentlemen, Levels 10

through 15, all done.

- Oh, my God.

- I told you.

All right! Who wants a piece

of the gray bush?

Still think I should die.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hopefully, that'll keep away

the bad-energy troll.

Samantha, what's the latest?

Well, Mr. Cheezle, not only have these guys

found all the bugs...

...but we have detailed instructions

on how to fix 'em.

- We're back on schedule.

- Phenomenal.

Phenomenal. Great energy.

Great energy.

I had a dream last night.

I dreamt I was a dove

flying over the sea.

And then I dove into the ocean-

...and I swam with the dolphins.

I was two animals

joined as one...

...which meant

good things are coming.

Good things.

Samantha, why don't you take the guys out

for dinner tonight, on Brainasium.

Uh, sure.

Yeah, Samantha. Take us out.

- Yeah, let's f***in' rage!

- Rage?

Uh, you know, Mr. Cheezle, fly with the

seabirds or whatever you were talking about.

Oh, okay. Okay. Fair enough.

Yeah. Rage it up. Rage all you want.

Good things are coming.

Good things.

- Hey, Samantha.

- Hey.

Look, sorry I can't

make the dinner tonight.

I just got the new season

of Buffy on DVD...

...and I'm gonna kick it in my crib

and watch the bonus features.

- Wow. I, uh, didn't even know that that came out.

- It hasn't yet.

I know people.

Cool. Well, you...

have a long night ahead of you.

- If you want me to come, I totally will.

- Don't worry about it.

Or if you wanna call me afterwards,

you totally can, probably.

Uh, you know, actually,

I'm really tired...

...so I'm probably not

gonna stay out so late.

But, uh, I will definitely

see you on Monday.

Listen, uh, I realize

that it must be really...

...intimidating to talk to me,

you know.

But underneath this genius...

I'm simply a human, you know.

But I'm working on that.

- J.P.?

- Yeah?

- I have to go.

- Okay.

Drive safe.

I have chosen our

very best table for your party.

- Oh, thank you.

- You're welcome. This is our harmony table.

Thank you.

Take a look, please,

at our very exclusive vitamin water list.

- Oh, I'll look at that, yeah.

- Enjoy the harmony.

This is where we get

to have our big dinner, huh?

- Mr. Cheezle picked it.

- There's a shocker.

- This menu sucks.

- The tofu cakes look kinda good, maybe?

- Do they even have alcohol?

- Actually, we don't serve alcohol.

Bummer, I know. But, uh-

...this must be your first time

here at Our Lady Health.

I'm Shylo.

I'll be your waiter all day.

I'm sorry. Did you say

your name was Shylo?

- Yeah, Shylo.

- That's weird.

- Jeff.

- What? It's weird.

- He meant gay.

- Stop it.

No alcohol? This place sucks.

Hey, fella. Give it a chance.

We do serve shots...

of wheatgrass.

That's cool, if you wanna

be sober and vomit.

- Uh, excuse me, sir. What do you

recommend for appetizers?

Ooh, you know what everyone's buzzing about

is the bean sprout quesadilla. Mmm.

You know what? There's a Tommy burger

right down the street.

- Let's just do that, you guys.

- That sounds good.

Look, guys. Come on. I know the food's

a little different here...

...but it's actually good

and good for you.

We don't serve it

with any grease or fat.

If we pay extra, could we maybe get

some grease or fat?

- Do you have bathrooms or do

I have to sh*t in the plant?

Stupid f***ing idiot,

red-shirted ass.

You guys think you're so f***ing cool.

Makes me sick!

"Let's go make fun of the vegans and their

crazy lifestyle. We're not hurting anyone. "

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