Grandma's Boy Page #7

nana's boy? Can't hang?

Wow.

Someone ass getting laid tonight.

Doctor, we're not

in the rain forest, man.

My beef-

strong.

Your beef wrong.

And here I am

with Abbott and Costello.

Wow. Which one did you nail?

One? Try both.

You were a dirty old whore.

What do you mean, were?

Yes.

I wanna... Sing?

What? You're too wasted to sing.

Whatever. Like there's

such a thing as too wasted.

Sorry.

Ow!

Oh.

I f***ing love this girl!

Yo, Frankenstein!

Oh.

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh.

Did I hallucinate

a party last night?

That is adora-

Look at the little cowboy hat.

Morning.

Well, you must have been

off duty last night, Sheriff.

Great, old pictures,

'cause you know, for a minute...

I thought it might be something

embarrassing.

- What Halloween was that?

- No, that wasn't Halloween.

- That was his first day at high school.

- Oh. Are those leopard spandex?

Look. You can see his pee-pee.

Okay, okay. The sheriff demands

that those pictures be burned.

Oh, look here.

Look at this report card.

Let's see. All A's. Impressive.

I'm a genius. What can I say?

Well, you were

up till high school.

Then all of a sudden, he got unfocused.

I guess it was just puberty.

Yeah. It was definitely puberty.

Oh, lookit here.

Here's Alex's grandfather

holding baby Alex.

It was 10 years last month.

I'm so sorry.

That's why I like Alex

to be in the house...

...because it makes me

feel closer to him.

He loved you so much.

I loved him, and I love you,

and I love being your roomie.

You would have loved

my grandfather.

He was the coolest. He would have had

a beer or two with us last night.

He would have had 20.

- No, he had a problem.

- He would have definitely fit in with that crowd then.

We had such fun last night.

I've gotta get the name of that tea.

Oh, my gosh. It's already noon.

I should probably get going.

Alex, could you give me a ride?

- Oh, yeah. Totally.

- It was such a pleasure.

- Thank you for showing me all the photos.

- Come any time, sweetheart.

- I've got four more boxes.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Bye-bye.

Oh.

- See you later, Grandma.

- Okay.

- Barry, I think it's time for you and the milk maid to go home.

- Okay, Alex.

Yeah. West West,yo.

Grace, I have

a confession to make.

Uh, you... were my first.

Really?

Oh, that's sweet.

Let's see. You were my, uh-

I don't know. 3,000 something.

Word up.

Ah.

I should have worn a condom.

Nice place.

I've never met anyone

with 300 roommates.

Yeah, it gets messy, but

I've got 50 housekeepers, so-

That helps.

- This is my room.

- Here we are.

Yep.

Thanks.

So I will, uh...

see you on Monday.

See you on Monday.

- Thanks for the ride.

- You're welcome.

Ah, sh*t. I forgot my parking ticket.

Hey, I forgot my-

Wow. I just came back

to get my parking ticket.

- I know. Here.

- What if I had been the bellboy?

I was kinda hopin' you were.

- I'll see you at work.

- I'll be there.

I'll be the older gentleman.

I am a genius.

Samantha, you will be mine, mine.

Must ingest more fuel.

When did I get a message?

You have one new message.

Hey,J.P., you f***in' freak.

We're partyin'.

Where are you at?

I'll chirp you later. Here's Sam.

What do I- Hey,J.P.

We celebrated the game tonight,

so-Jeff, stop it.

Give me the phone. My name is J.P.

I am a robot. I like robots.

I have a robot vagina.

I am not amused.

Yes, that's correct.

She gave Charlie Chaplin a hand job.

Yeah. Next question. Right here.

Do you think that she

invented the hand job?

Ooh. No, I don't.

But she did say she started

the finger in the ass during a blow job.

Yeah. She was a pioneer.

Uh, the big news from the party, ladies and

gentlemen, Barry sucked on his first booby.

For 13 hours.

Okay. That's enough. Thank you.

Jeff, sounded like quite

a fun party Friday.

- What do you mean?

- I got the hilarious message that you and Alex left.

Almost as hilarious

as your... Face.

Look, we were just kidding,J.P.

Don't be mad at us...

So where's Alex?

What, did he take the day off

and die of old age?

- No, he went to lunch with Samantha.

- What?

So, who wants to hear about my

S.T.D. From the silent film era?

Yeah, hands up. This chick's p*ssy

smelled like the Great Depression.

Do you want any snacks, Alex?

Oh. No, thanks, Grandma.

I'm fine.

Could you

get that please, dear?

Sure thing, Grandma.

- Maybe it's a fireman stripper, Alex.

- I can only hope, Grace.

- The f*** are you doin' here?

- I need to speak with you, Alex.

It's just that the phone message

really bummed me out.

I- I can't help it

that I'm different.

I just-

I want you guys to like me...

...and you look at me

like I'm a f-freak.

J.P., I gotta be honest.

The robot voice does not help your cause.

I know.

I do it when I get nervous.

Look, nobody hates you, okay?

I'm gonna talk toJeff

and the other guys...

...and we'll all go

hang out one night.

- And Samantha?

- And Samantha.

Really? That'll be awesome.

Thanks, Alex.

Hey, everyone at Brainasium

totally respects you.

I mean, you created one of the greatest

games ever when you were just a kid.

You're a f***in' legend, man.

I know. I am pretty... Amazing.

Mmm. What's that?

Oh, that's nothing.

It's-Well-

It's this game I've been designing

in my spare time...

...for the last couple of years.

Wow. This 3-D mapping

is so smooth.

- Yeah.

- Did you design it by yourself?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- There's no clipping at all.

- Who did the programming?

- Uh, I did that too.

Hey, what can I say?

I'm a 35-year-old prodigy.

Thirty-five- Prodi-

The collision detection's

excellent on this.

Hey, you know what? I could, like,

take this home for you...

...and-and maybe give you

some notes on it or something.

You know, that's something

a normal person... Or a friend would do, right?

Yeah. Yeah, actually.

That-That would be really cool.

The lighting effects

are really realistic.

Here. Just, uh-

Do me a favor, all right? Don't-Don't

be too critical. I-I'm not a genius.

- I'm a genius.

- Yeah, I know you are.

And also, dude- I haven't told

any of the guys at work about this.

It's kind of a secret, uh-

So just be careful with that disk

and-and-and don't tell anyone.

Oh, yeah. Careful's my middle name.

Actually, it's not. It's Philip.

- Doctor, hand me a Baggie, please?

- Here go.

Thanks, pal.

This guy's not gonna rip my heart out

of my chest and show it to me, is he?

No. This is Mr. Lee Ho.

He's teaching me and Monkey

tae kwon do.

I got my yellow belt today. Monkey

got his red belt. He's a quick learner.

Monkey sucker... Punch!

- That's how I got this fat lip.

- Where's the monkey now?

He's upstairs,

puttin' his nunchakus away.

Yo, that party

was off the hook, kid.

Your girl can drink

her f***in' face off.

Shut up, Monkey! I got company, dude.

Doctor, can you tell Mr. Lee Ho

to go make the monkey be quiet?

Yes, sir.

- Lee Ho's the real deal. He's full-on Chinese.

- Yeah, I can see that.

What the f***?

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