Grandpa's Great Escape Page #4

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but he's not Grandpa any more,

he's someone else, it's scary.

No.

He's still Grandpa and he cares

about us like he always did...

.. even if you don't.

It's enough to drive you

crazy if you let it...

- Dazza?

- Oh. hello.

You said if I was ever in

trouble, you'd teach me kung fu.

Yes, grasshopper, er,

listen to the master.

So the secret of kung fu

is that you have to hit

someone as hard as you

can and shout kung fu.

All right, kung fu!

So... you don't know kung fu?

- Great. Don't tell Shelley I've been here.

- Well, where are you going?

To see Grandpa, but don't tell her that.

- Do tell her or don't tell her?

- Don't.

Don't do tell her or do don't tell her?

Twit-twoo!

.. Event of my inevitable

death, the sole beneficiary...

Me.

Grab it.

- It's made from...

- Ladies' knickers, yes.

Where did you get them all?

Well, well, they're not mine, if

that's what you're trying to say.

- Come on. - I'm not going to

escape in my pyjamas -- the shame!

We don't have long!

Wing Commander! Ready?

Er, absolutely. Just one little thing...

Orderly fashion, please.

How many people have you got up there?

Er, not more than 20. I...

I shared out my Smarties.

But, Grandpa!

No buts. It's every British

prisoner of war's duty to escape.

Right, everybody, who's first?

Would you put the kettle on? I'm parched.

Would anyone like a

game of contract whist?

Oh, this is hatch is too small.

Excuse me -- is there a

powder room in the vicinity?

I beg your pardon?

I wish to visit the lavatorium.

I'm desperate for a wazz!

You'll just have to hold it in for

a little while, madam, for King

and country.

Come on! What are you doing?

There's no need to be irate, dear.

- What did he say?

- You all have to get down now.

Where are we going?

We could be down already, if

you stopped barking at us.

I can't do it, I can't abide heights.

Well, it's just like riding a bike.

I've never ridden a bike.

Perhaps if YOU could show me...

Very well.

- I didn't mean leave me.

- I'll catch you.

- Do you promise?

- Absolutely.

Well, in that case...

.. here I come!

You see?

Nothing to worry about.

My foot's caught in the gusset!

Oh, dear.

- Did she see you?

- No, I think I got away with it.

Quick, head east-northeast.

Well, that way.

We'll never make it past the searchlights.

You will if we create a diversion.

Come on find them, find

them... Find them now!

Over here!

Ah, I should've known.

A mass escape attempt

with you as the ringleader.

It was all my idea. Please let Grandpa go.

This young chap had nothing to do with it,

I claim full responsibility.

Oh, shut up. Do you know what this is?

- Looks like a toasting fork.

- It's a cattle prod!

- Where'd you get that?

- It was a birthday present.

That's a funny sort of birthday present.

- It's what I asked for!

- Pfft.

It can knock a man out cold...

Torture is strictly forbidden

on prisoners of war.

You'll never dare use it.

Which one of you was responsible

for dishing out the sleeping

pills this afternoon?

Me, Miss.

- It's a chap!

- Yes, hadn't you noticed?

No, and I've been caught out a few

times before, come to think of it.

Get them. Go on.

Kung fu!

Oh!

It works.

Well done, Squad... He's a chap, as well.

- Charge, recharge!

- What shall we do now?

Well, we've got to keep

them away from the POWs.

- Let go of my foot!

- So up here!

Let go!

Where now?

I haven't thought that far ahead.

We're not giving up without

a fight, Herr Kommandant.

Kommandant?

I think you must've lost what

remains of your tiny mind.

The war was over 40 years ago.

You're nothing but a

sad... little... old man.

Oh, sorry...

.. but I really am bursting for the loo.

Ah! You're picking those up.

Yes, excuse me.

Come here!

AH!

She's out cold. We have

to escape while we can.

We can't leave without Miss Trifle.

How much longer are you going to be?

I can't go at all, if you're listening in.

Oh, there's only the

cheap, scratchy paper.

Well, yeah, well, you'll have to

make do, madam, there's a war on.

Um, er, I'd leave it a few

moments, if I were you.

Follow me.

How did you get the cricket bat?

There's no way out.

I've got an idea, something Raj told me.

What?

That there's just one way

out of here, this way.

That's made me angry.

I've got a plan but we need some wheels.

Wheels? I know just the place.

You look after Miss Trifle.

Come out, come out.

When two tribes go to war...

- Stop pushing!

- I'm not pushing.

There's no need to be rude.

Mission accomplished.

I've got the roller-skates.

So now we have to attach

them here and here.

Bolt the doors! No-one escapes!

- HALT! - What did he say? - Stop!

You see?

For a good old-fashioned escape,

you always need plenty of string.

I hope you're not going to

ask me to sit in that coffin.

Oh, I, absolutely not, madam.

- Thank goodness.

- I'm ordering you.

I'm doing it, but under duress.

You too, Wing Commander.

Hold on a second, I've left

something under my mattress.

- We don't have time!

- I must have it.

So... is your grandfather single?

Um, I think so, why?

No reason.

What are you two nattering about?

Nothing.

Ready?

Oh, my goodness, it's a coffin toboggan!

It's a coffboggan!

- Stand your ground!

- Geronimo!

Oh, oh, can we do it again? Again!

Yeah, tempting, madam,

but now's not the time.

Come on, what are you waiting

for? Get up and chase them.

Or do you want me to,

to shock you into it?

Shocks...

- You made it.

- I don't know how we'll get over.

What are we going to do?

I'm sorry, I don't know, we're trapped.

- What we really need is...

- A ladder?

Yeah, that's right, yeah... Who said that?

Shelley!

All right, wrinklies, over we come.

Chop chop, we ain't got all day.

I know you, don't I?

Shelley Bunting of the Women's

Airforce Auxiliary Service

reporting for duty, sir.

I was missing in action but I'm back now.

Good to have you here,

Shelley. Very good indeed.

Right, fine work, people but

we need to find a safe haven,

so fall in and by the left,

quick march. Left, right...

Company... halt!

We will report Miss

Dandy to the authorities.

And have a nice cup of tea.

Perhaps the police would

like a game of gin rummy.

This has been the most

exciting night of my life.

Just doing my duty.

My hero.

Back to base?

- Actually, I'm feeling quite peckish.

- Raj's will be open.

Anyone want a lift?

Oh, oh.

What, don't you have any proper music?

- Er, this is proper music.

- I've got some Spandau Ballet.

Spandau Ballet?!

Mr Bumting, you escaped!

Of course we did, for King and country.

Oh, this is a cause for celebration.

Take whatever you want, anything at all.

- Thank you.

- Yes, most kind.

That'll be 3.20.

- Mum will be up soon.

- But...

We'd better go home, I

mean, to our quarters.

Absolutely not, the Luftwaffe

could strike at any moment.

It's bedtime, Grandpa.

The Nazis won't be asleep.

Get me to my Spitfire,

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