Gulliver's Travels Page #2

The dock master's really into puns.

He believes it keeps the pirates away.

Ship Happens.

This is you, and the dot

is your destination.

You just follow that dot,

and you'll find yourself in a triangle.

- In the Bermuda Triangle?

- Yeah.

And then to come home,

you say I turn this knob...

and I follow the dot back home?

Yeah.

- Easy.

- Easy.

- Done.

- Done.

I've got it.

I am fine.

Fine.

It's not moving.

Okay, where's the clutch?

And as you go out to the ocean water...

towards the Bermuda Triangle...

there's reflections everywhere.

I should've brought some sunglasses.

I am as hungry as a horse.

I could eat 1,000 cheeseburgers.

Okay.

Quitting time.

Yeah.

How to build your own robot?

Yeah, that's going to happen.

Darcy.

Cheeseburger.

Darcy.

Cheeseburger.

No!

Safety! Okay.

Rubber ducky.

No!

Floaties! Floatie one.

Floatie leg, floatie left...

floatie right, floatie head.

I am safe!

There is no...

9-1-1.

Oh, no.

Oh, God, help me!

I'm paralyzed from the neck down.

What's that crawling on me?

Not fire ants.

Please don't be fire ants.

I am General Edward Edwardian,

Commander of Lilliput.

All hail Lilliput!

All hail Lilliput!

You are herewith charged with aiding

our sworn enemy, the Blefuscians.

You are my prisoner, and shall be presented

to our Royal Highness, King Theodore.

What say you...

beast?

You are not real!

Where is my...?

Where am I?

This must be a dream.

I'm gonna close my eyes, then I'm gonna

open them, and I'll be home in bed.

Okay! Okay!

My spear!

Bring the beast down!

All right, boys! Release the hookers.

Pull, pull!

Hey!

Pull!

Hey, not cool.

Hey, that's my pants. That's not funny!

Unlucky.

Heave!

Heave!

It was awful, horrid! Nightmarish!

I was trapped in the valley

of violent rumbles.

I was nauseous!

Lift!

Squad, halt!

This giant is hereby declared...

the property of

His Majesty King Theodore.

All hail King Theodore!

All hail King Theodore!

I wanted a bracelet,

not a great big hairy beast.

Oh, dear!

Are those restraints really necessary?

They are, my innocent,

naive little bunny tail.

To prevent the giant beast from

running rampant and killing us all.

What is this thing?

A Blefuscian spy.

I'm not a blue fish man.

I don't even know what that is.

Will someone please just

tell me where I am?

You are in Lilliput.

Lilli-puh?

The grandest and greatest land

in all the world. All hail Lilliput!

All hail Lilliput!

This is insane. This is insane.

Okay, enough.

Come out with the funny cameras.

Mealtime, beast!

Hay? I can't eat hay.

Eat up! You have a busy day

ahead of you, beast!

Enough with the beast!

I may be a giant, but I have feelings!

I think you'll find that the hay...

is a bit more digestible

if mixed with some...

sewer water.

I'm sorry that my countrymen call you

a beast. I do not think of you as a beast.

As a matter of fact,

before you arrived...

I was the tallest man in Lilliput.

So I know how you feel.

Thanks, man.

I can't reach you for a handshake.

I'm Gulliver.

Horatio.

Oh, man.

You guys are so tiny.

Are you the only other prisoner

in the whole dungeon?

Yes.

I have been placed in this prison

by the great and glorious...

General Edward Edwardian...

for sending a lascivious look

to his betrothed...

Princess Mary.

That's it?

He put you in prison

for hitting on his lady?

Dude, that is harsh.

No, you must understand.

I am of a lowly station.

To legally court a woman

of her stature...

one must commit a valiant action...

and this is virtually impossible

as a commoner.

Come on, don't be so hard on yourself.

You seem like a cool guy.

You could do something valiant.

General Edward has led

countless crusades...

and is known far and wide

for his bravery.

I'm no General Edward.

Well, no offense...

this Edward guy seems

like kind of a lame ass.

A lame what?

It is my impression...

that "lame ass"...

is a negative expression

from whence you came.

If this is the case...

you shall be thrown in the stocks!

No, no, no! "Lame ass" means...

great...

brave and courageous...

heart-of-a-lion man.

Is this the honorable truth?

Yes, this is the honorable truth.

Then, I am not just...

a lame ass.

Oh, no.

I'm a big lame ass!

The biggest!

I, General Edward Edwardian,

am the biggest lame ass in all of the land!

Heart of a lion.

Hurrah!

So, listen...

now that you know we're cool...

what do you say you loosen

up these shackles a bit?

No.

It is time for your life

of hard labor to begin.

Left!

Forward!

Left!

Right!

Left!

Their defense system is operational.

We must move in stealthily.

Left!

- Did I tell you to stop fanning, peasant?

- Sorry.

Sorry.

They will be too busy with the fire

to protect their princess.

A fire!

A fire is two bells, that was three.

It's an attack!

No, it actually sounded more like...

two bells, and then, a pause...

and then a third bell.

So, it's an attack and a fire?

- The Blefuscians!

- The princess!

To the castle, beast!

Left, right, left, right.

Faster, beast!

Oh, no. The Blefuscians.

Do not kidnap me.

Please do not kidnap me.

Why is she just standing there?

Of course, she's gonna

get kidnapped if she...

You speak not of the princess. Down!

I shall save you, my princess.

My princess.

Dude, I can help.

We do not need your help, beast.

You just stay here.

Nobody save the princess!

He'll never get to her in time.

Please, you must save the princess.

But you heard that angry

little dingleberry. He said I shouldn't.

I beg of you!

- It is too late.

- You are kidnapped.

I am kidnapped!

Not on my watch.

Hop on, princess.

Let's get you out of here.

Fear not, my darling!

I am here to save you.

Where has she gone?

Oh, she has been kidnapped.

There you go, Princess.

Thank you so much.

Are you okay?

Yes.

Thank God.

The Blefuscians are retreating.

We are to have a victory feast.

How lovely.

The fire has raged out of control.

My father is trapped!

You guys have to invest

in a more efficient warning system.

Your Highness!

Out of the way. I have to put out a fire.

Out of the way.

I'm coming through!

The beast!

Yama-schatzi, that's hot!

Princess, no!

Princess, you mustn't.

Father! He's burning!

You have served me with great honor.

We need access

to a great deal of water.

Do something!

Oh, Lilliput, great kingdom...

I do not wanna do this.

You have a plan?

I have a plan,

but you're not gonna like it.

Don't look.

Cease, beast!

- It's working!

- Huzzah!

Yeah, it's working!

Out of my way!

How dare you evacuate yourself...

on our great and glorious king!

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Sorry about the smell.

I've been drinking sewer water.

This is grounds for execution!

I know, that was pretty gross.

Let me pull up my trousers.

Father!

Father!

You look glorious.

Thank you, my dear.

Our savior!

The beast!

Beast! Beast! Beast!

You guys, it was nothing, really.

I saw a fire...

I had some water, I released!

Flood on aisle two.

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