Gulliver's Travels Page #5

just tell her what's up.

"Hey, what's up, sexy?

"I hope it's not too forward,

but I find you incredibly sexy.

"Never told you before

but I'm into you...

"but I'm also into a lot of things,

so don't get too excited.

"Got a lot of things going on.

I'd like you to be one of them."

You see the way I mixed it up?

"I want you, but not that much."

You try it.

Okay...

should I use the face?

If the face comes to you,

but make it natural.

Don't make it a forced face.

I just have one of those faces.

It sort of happens naturally.

My hands are sweating.

Go.

Okay.

Well, hello...

fine maiden with

the wide, childbearing hips.

Yikes. You don't want to talk

about wide childbearing hips.

It's a good instinct.

You're getting there.

But try it again. But this time,

more smooth and sexy.

No big hips?

No big hips.

I think I got it.

Well, hello there, slim.

I ought to call you "potamus"...

because you've got no hip.

Do we have to be here for this?

Take five, save game.

Forget about the hips.

Here's what you have to do.

You have to make sure...

What are you doing in my chambers?

I have come to court you

as I always do at this time of the day.

This is not the time of day

for courting.

You cannot just barge in.

I can court you

when I wish to court you.

I am not in the mood to be courted.

I have a headache.

It is your womanly duty.

Section 4.2 of

the official courting doctrine...

Edward!

I am unsure about things between us.

It be not you, it be me,

but I'm very unsure.

That make-th no sense.

We are to be married.

You are to be my bride.

We are not in love.

We are not in love.

What do you love about me?

Name one thing.

Inappropriate, Edward.

- Reach for it.

- One second.

Okay, take your time.

I find you...

absolutely...

satisfactory.

No.

That is not enough...

to say that someone is average

or adequate or moderate.

I want to be loved for who I am.

There's an awful lot...

going on up here.

- Is there?

- Now you're being cruel...

and, frankly, melodramatic.

And acting like a complete baby!

You are acting like a little princess.

I am a princess!

But maybe you should...

act like a princess.

Gulliver was so right about you.

- Why don't we all listen to the beast!

- Don't call him that!

He's a big ugly beast

and you should know better.

Get out!

You cannot break our engagement!

It is worse than death!

Get out!

You will be sorry you ever

crossed General Edward.

Get your Gulliver's T-shirts!

Dress like Gulliver.

You, sir!

Get your Gulliver's T-shirts here.

Get your Gulliver's T-shirts here!

Gulliver's T-shirts!

Look at him. He's handsome!

What do you want?

This beast...

has transformed Lilliput...

into his own sordid

and rotten little kingdom.

And he will do the same with

your land if we do not stop him.

To save Lilliput...

I must first destroy it.

How do you suggest

we accomplish...

such a dangerous task?

I have got stuff! Look.

I'm showing you.

All right! Welcome to

the first ever Lillapalooza!

Let's get this party started

with a little jam I wrote!

Right?

What are you up to in the morrow?

- In the morrow?

- Yes.

I'm just hanging.

So, yeah.

Would you care to attend

the Ball of the Moonlit Glen with me?

- The ball?

- Yeah.

The ball is tomorrow?

Right. Maybe.

It's a pretty tasty jam!

Pretty tasty jam.

Why are you acting like this?

- Acting like what?

- Why are you being so strange?

I'm a gentleman merchant

about town...

and I have got to keep

my options open.

Do you?

That's what I've been told.

I'm not an option. I'm a lady.

I know you are, and I love ladies.

Believe me... Okay!

I'm sorry. I was...

Five bells!

Five bells? What does five bells mean?

There have never been five bells.

Yeah? Don't worry about it...

because this guy throws down

no matter how many bells are a-ringin'.

Don't freak, little peeps.

This one is on me.

You must be kidding me.

This is five bells?

It's cute.

Edward, you traitor!

How dare you forsake

your Lilliputian brethren!

I only forsooked after I was forsooken.

The forsookingness ends now!

I challenge you to a duel!

Cool. Whatever.

So, you accept?

Oh, yeah! Yeah, I accept your duel.

Oh, goody!

Make a move.

Wow, you are hard.

Okay!

Just...

stretching out the hammies.

It's a good thing to do

before the duel.

You brought this on yourself, beast.

Do you surrender, beast?

Sure, yeah! Whatever!

No, say it properly.

- Say you surrender.

- Oh, yeah.

Say it! Say it! Say, "I surrender!"

I surrender! I surrender, I surrender!

You win.

It hurts my butt.

You cannot surrender!

You are our most glorious protector!

You're President the Awesome!

And you and Captain Sparrow

defeated the Joker and Magneto!

And you and Jack Bauer

had only 24 hours to do it!

I didn't do any of that stuff.

I'm just a guy from the mailroom.

But you gave us your word!

I'm sorry.

I lied.

I knew it!

I hereby banish this beast...

to the Island Where We Dare Not Go...

never to return to Lilliput again!

Take your positions!

Please, Gulliver.

Hey...

is this Island Where We Dare Not Go

really as bad as they say?

It's delightful!

Okay.

No little people anywhere.

That's a good sign.

Hello! Is anybody here?

No way.

Raise the standard!

Let's lose this rubbish!

Lower away!

Can I not walk alone

in my own garden?

Go away!

Princess!

I've secured a boat.

We can leave tonight.

No, Horatio.

But Edward is gonna

force you to marry him.

I don't have any choice.

Please. Of course you have a choice.

No, you made that choice for me.

You don't understand.

Gulliver told me...

Everything Gulliver said was a lie...

including you.

Oh, I'm paralyzed from

the neck down.

What's that? What's crawling on me?

Not fire ants.

Oh, please don't be fire an...

I am General Edward Edwardian...

commander of New Blefuscia.

All hail New Blefuscia.

All hail New Blefuscia!

I must warn Gulliver.

State your name...

she-beast.

Darcy Silverman.

Of Manhattan.

Oh, no!

I'm not doing this.

You got me in the diaper and the dress.

I'm not doing teatime with you.

Go find another doll.

Tea! Time for tea!

Okay, we're kissing.

Gentler. Let's just hold hands

or something!

What's up?

What kind of toy are you?

Top Gun G.I. Joe?

Cool detail.

Gulliver!

Gulliver!

Down here.

What are you doing here?

Gulliver, you must return

to Lilliput with me at once.

Forget it, man. It's a no-go.

No, you don't understand.

Edward has...

It doesn't matter.

I may be a hundred feet tall, but I'm not

half the size of one of you little guys.

You have to listen. This is important.

No, this is where I belong.

As a giant girl's baby doll.

Hey!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

and listen!

Blefuscia has taken over Lilliput...

and Edward has captured

Darcy Silverman of Manhattan.

What?

She's...

- Darcy's here?

- Yeah.

Oh, no.

She said she was gonna

do the assignment herself.

She's here because of me.

It's all because of you.

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