Happily N'Ever After

Evildoers of our kingdom...

we're always the losers,

the bad guys.

Is that fair? No.

Starting tonight...

I give you happily n'ever after!

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Would the owner of a light blue coach with

"Narnia"plates please move your vehicle?

You're parked in a "Trolls Only"zone

Thank you

While I have your attention,

you see that there?

That's what we call a "wicked stepmother"

Feel free to boo

I know what you're thinking

Who put a wicked stepmother in charge?

Were there free elections?

Any chance of a recount?

You know what?

Let's go back a little

and I'll give you

the lowdown on Fairytale Land

Yeah, the name's kind of corny

but we had to call it something,

and "Canada"was already taken

So, anyway, in this tower

high above the prince's palace

is what you might call the Department

of Fairytale Land Security

This is where all the stories-

you know the ones-

Rapunzel

Sleeping Beauty

the Frog Rrince-

are watched over by a wizard

And his job is to make sure

every fairy tale goes by the book

right up to their happy endings

And that's why he has these:

The scales of good and evil

See that? They have

a little pointer and everything

As long he keeps those things

in balance, the stories never change

and the endings

stay happy, happy, happy

The wizard also has two assistants:

Munk and Mambo

Munk's the guy who sees

the glass as half empty

Mambo's the guy who

probably peed in the glass

You know what I'm talking about-

a world-class troublemaker

Yeah These are the guys you want to

trust your happy ending to

Here's our story

Remember her?

She was the one with the whole

"Evil, evil, blah, blah, blah"

speech a minute ago

Anyway, let me fill you in

on everyone in this particular tale

We've got one wicked stepmother

and two ugly stepsisters

Delicate flowers of womanhood

One fairy godmother

I think she's a couple Hansels short

of a Gretel You know what I'm sayin'?

One Rrince Charming

Hold the charm

And then there's one fair maiden

Ella

You probably know her

as Cinderella

but she's always been Ella to me

She's in love with

that prince you just saw

What does Ella see in Rrince

Rotato Head? I have no idea

But just look at her

She's so beautiful

A girl like that could never

fall for an ordinary guy like-

So, you might be wondering

by now who I am

Have a look

No, not Blondie McBiceps

No Look to the left

Keep going

There I am You know

the Cinderella story, right?

Remember Rick the servant?

Of course you don't I'm the guy

who polishes the prince's boots

I'm the guy who washes

his dishes and serves his meals

and does his laundry

and flosses his teeth

You know what kind ofhappy

ending the royal flosser gets?

Right

None

So, that's everyone important-

and me

Okay, let's see the title now

Happier music, please

So here we are,

the day of the prince's ball

I managed to swipe some mail

from the royal messenger's bag

so I'd have an excuse to visit Ella

Hello? Oh, Rick, it's you.

I'm sorry to be

such a disappointment.

No, no. I was expecting

the royal messenger.

With these?

They're here!

Did you see him today?

What was he wearing?

One for my stepmother,

two for my stepsisters...

and none for me.

Wait. What's that?

You've got somethin'... here.

I'm invited too!

Just like I've dreamed about.

The royal ball.

And he'll be there in his royal shirt-

And his royal boots-

which Rick spent two hours polishing.

And it was a royal pain in the butt.

I may even

get to dance with him tonight.

Gosh! Wouldn't that be super?

He's dreamy.

The prince!

- The invitations! They're here!

- Move it!

Give it! It's mine!

Out of my way!

- Mom totally hates you.

- She hates you more.

Nuh-uh. You.

You totally ripped my coiffure.

Knock it off!

Great. Here comes the dragon lady.

- You started it.

- Did not!

- Did too!

- You so did.

Shut up. She's coming.

It takes hours

to get you looking like that.

Now we have to do the whole

thing all over again.

And you.

Hand them over.

Come on. Come on.

Cough it up.

I am invited, Stepmother.

If she goes,

she'll just embarrass us.

- She has nothing to wear.

- Now, girls...

of course Cinderelly may go.

Unfortunately, she has

a few things to do before the ball.

First, she has to polish my shoes...

then cook us a pot roast,

whiten the bathtubs...

shampoo the cat,

reshingle the roof...

give the carriage a lube job-

Shall I continue?

Ella, say no.

You don't have to put up with that.

Get back to the kitchen.

You're not her Prince Charming.

You're the dishwasher.

I am not.

I do laundry... too.

Ella isn't the only one

who's worked up about the ball

The prince is so excited

it's almost like he has a personality

The same as always, Your Highness?

Not too much off the front.

Everything must be perfect.

Tonight's the night

I meet my damsel.

It says so right here in the book.

Princely Rule Book, Section 12:

"On his 21 st birthday...

every prince must

host a ball to find a damsel...

preferably blonde,

who is either imprisoned...

cursed or distressed. "

Great Our downstairs neighbor,

the Airhead Formerly Known As Rrince

There's gotta be something better on

There's Rapunzel...

single-handedly keeping the kingdom's

shampoo industry in the black.

Apparently, her people have yet

to master scissor technology.

Little Red Riding Hood.

Every wolf's favorite

between-meals snack.

And then there's Rumpelstiltskin

Still trying to get the baby

Don't ask me why he wants a baby

Messy diapers and the drooling

and the this and the-

- Can we limit the editorializing?

- Munk. Mambo.

It's time for my vacation.

- I'm off to Scotland.

- Why?

Remember what I taught you.

You have to maintain the balance

between good and evil.

- Don't worry, boss.

- We're pros here.

- We're your assistants.

- Actually, I'm senior assistant.

What? Just 'cause he hired you 300 years

before me, that makes you senior?

Does he know he's wearing a skirt?

That's better.

Now, guys,

no fooling around with the scales.

Same for the staff.

No turning lead into gold...

no giving yourself

huge pectoral muscles, Mambo.

Hey. It was a onetime thing, okay?

And keep a special eye on Cinderella.

She'll be downstairs

at the prince's ball tonight.

Everything will go by the book.

- Just like it always does.

- Munk, open the portal.

Yes, Your Wizardry.

And remember.

Keep your eyes on the ball.

Fore!

How do you like that? I'm a prince

of portals! A master of magic!

Big deal. You're the doorman.

Door pig. Hippo thingy.

You know what you are.

Can we get to work, please?

Ricky, where have you been?

You have to wash the dishes

for the prince's ball.

You went to see Ella again,

didn't you?

What does she see

in that loser prince?

She doesn't even know the guy. I have

to deal with him every day of my life.

She is a prince dreamer, mon frre

- You're gonna get nowhere with her.

- Shut up.

I'm not trying to get anywhere.

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