Happy New Year, Charlie Brown

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CHARLIE:

Oh, boy.

Only one more minute

until Christmas vacation starts...

...and the teacher hasn't given us

any assignments over the holidays.

[WOMAN MUMBLING]

Oh, no.

I can't believe it.

I've just had my whole vacation ruined,

Linus.

We're supposed to read War and Peace

by Leo Tolstoy...

...and then write a book report about it.

What a way to ruin a vacation.

How are you doing with War and Peace,

Charlie Brown?

I just finished reading the dust jacket.

Many is the book report

that has been written...

...by just reading the dust jacket.

But it's such a long book, Linus.

Look, it's 1136 pages long.

I bet it weighs more than I do.

When Leo Tolstoy

was writing War and Peace...

...his wife, Sonya,

copied it for him seven times.

And she did it by candleIight

and with a dip pen.

And sometimes

she had to use a magnifying glass...

...to make out what he had written.

Linus, I really...

She had to do it

after their child had been put to bed...

...and the servants

had gone to their garrets...

...and it was quiet in the house.

Just think, Charlie Brown...

...she wrote the book seven times

with a dip pen.

And you're telling me

you can't even read it once?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hi, Chuck. This is Peppermint Patty.

Oh, hi.

Great news, Chuck.

Marcie and I are gonna throw

a New Year's party.

You know, ring out the old

and bring in the new?

Well, I don't think I can...

It's gonna be great, Chuck.

Games and dancing and everything.

But I don't dance.

And besides,

I have to read War and Peace.

This is your chance

to ask the girI of your choice, Chuck.

And I guess we know who that will be,

huh, Chuck, you sly dog?

But you don't understand.

Like I said, I can't do anything

over vacation because...

I know you're a little nervous, Chuck...

...being it's your first reaI date.

Call me later, Chuck.

Boy, we were just with Marcie.

There's gonna be

a great New Year's party.

It's boy-ask-girI.

And I just know

my Sweet Baboo will ask me.

I am not your Sweet Baboo!

And I wouldn't invite you

to a chicken race.

Isn't he the cutest thing?

And I expect

a certain piano player to ask me.

But I've got this book report to do.

I'm enrolling us in a dance class.

A New Year's party is not a party

without lots of dancing.

I'll never be able

to read that book, Linus.

What are you going to do, Charlie Brown?

Pardon me, but do you have

a comic book called War and Peace?

[MAN MUMBLES]

No?

Do you have a record of War and Peace?

[MAN MUMBLES]

No?

How about a tape or a cassette?

[MAN MUMBLES]

No?

Well, thanks, anyway.

How about a computer game

about War and Peace?

[MAN MUMBLES]

No?

Hmm.

You didn't ask about filmstrips,

Charlie Brown.

No, they don't have it

on filmstrips either.

[SIGHS]

CHARLIE:
"Well, prince,

Genoa and Lucca are now no more...

...than private estates

of the Bonaparte family.

No, I warn you that if you do not

tell me we are at war...

...if you again allow yourself

to palliate all the infamies and atrocities... "

Well, here I am reading War and Peace...

...and everybody else

is at dance class having fun.

Maybe I should go over to the class

and just look in.

See what they're all doing.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Come on, Chuck.

We're learning to foxtrot.

But I have to read my book.

WOMAN [SINGING ON RECORD]:

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Move across the floor

Slow, slow, quick, quick

I'm only on Page 5 of my book.

WOMAN:

Shoulders back, stomach in

Take a deep breath

Now let's begin

Again

Slow, slow, quick, quick

It's really lots of fun

Just follow the footprints on the floor

And you'll move as one

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Just think of Fred Astaire

Once you get the feeling

You'll be flying through the air

Now just relax

Glide along

Keep the rhythm of the song

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Slow, slow, quick, quick

Slow, slow

Good grief.

CHARLIE:
"He spoke in that

elaborately choice French...

...in which our forefathers

not only spoke but thought.

And with those slow

patronizing intonations...

...peculiar to a man of importance

who has grown old in court society...

...he went up to Anna Pavlovna,

kissed her hand, presenting her with a... "

I wonder when my Sweet Baboo

is going to ask me to the party.

I am not your Sweet Baboo!

And I wouldn't invite you

to a garage sale.

Isn't he the cutest thing?

Rerun, you must be doing

something wrong.

Balloons are supposed to be round,

not square.

You must be blowing air

into the wrong places.

Here, try it again.

You blow up a balloon this way.

Okay, now let's see you do it.

Try blowing slower.

Now you're getting it.

Here, I've got another type of balloon.

Watch.

Now you try it.

[SIGHS]

[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

Well, are you taking me

to the party or not?

Musicians don't dance.

Anyway, I'll be playing the piano

at the party.

I don't mind the rejection.

It's the smile that bugs me.

If you don't ask me to the party,

I'll just go with someone else.

Good. Go with someone else.

CHARLIE:
"Anna Pavlovna's

drawing room gradually began to fill.

The people of the highest distinction

in Petersburg were there...

...people very different

in ages and characters. "

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hi, Chuck. This is Peppermint Patty.

You thought any more about

who you're inviting to the party, Chuck?

No, I haven't thought about that.

I'm reading War and Peace.

Uh-huh.

I knew it would be me.

Well, as a matter of fact,

I'm only on Page 5 of my book.

Come on, Chuck.

Remember, you have to invite somebody.

Well, I suppose you're right.

I wonder if that little red-haired girI

would go with me.

What?

Do you think she would?

So long forever, Chuck.

I've written an invitation

to the little red-haired girI.

I was afraid to call her.

It's too late to maiI it,

so I thought I'd take it to her house.

But I'm worried.

Why?

All you have to do

is slip the letter into the maiI slot...

...in the front door of the house.

But what if my hand gets caught

in the maiI slot?

That's ridiculous, Charlie Brown.

Well, then, what if my hand

gets caught in the maiI slot...

...and while I'm hanging there,

someone opens the door?

Charlie Brown, you worry

about the most impossible things.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Hello? Hello?

Heather, are you home?

I've come to invite you

to a New Year's party.

I mean... I mean,

if you don't have anything else to do.

Would you...? Would you like to come?

I could either pick you up

or... Or meet you there...

...if I ever get my hand

out of this mailbox.

I can't stand it.

I just can't stand it.

CHARLIE:

Tomorrow night's the party.

The little red-haired girl

never answered my letter.

What a way to start a new year.

Tomorrow night, millions of people

will be going to parties and dressing up.

Some are even ready

a day ahead of time.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

It's too bad Charles

couldn't come to the party, sir.

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