Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

Whoo, yeah! Whoo!

Well, that's about it.

That's about it for this Independence

Day as the clock rocks 12:00,

ladies and gentlemen, on July 5th, 1996.

And you know, fellow Americans,

we are now 220 years old.

We've just about, of course,

wiped out the ozone layer.

Uh-huh, we live under

a continual first-stage smog alert,

and there's a brand-new drug...

I don't know if you heard this by now.

Check this out. You ready for this?

There's a new drug out there

for the kids of America

to bury themselves with.

It's called Crystal Dream.

Can you believe it?

Now listen to this.

You don't drink it. You don't smoke it.

You don't snort it.

And you don't shoot it.

What do you do? I know you're asking.

What do you do with this thing?

Well, what you do

is you put it in your eyes,

and apparently it tells you lies,

all right?

I'll tell you, all this decadence, and we

still haven't nuked ourselves outta here.

It's amazing.

With a little luck

and a whole lot of hope,

I think maybe the human race might live

to see another 220 years.

And with that in mind...

happy birthday, America!

It's all the same

Only the names will change

Every day

It seems we're wasting away

Another place

Where the faces are so cold

I'd drive all night

Just to get back home

I'm a cowboy

On a steel horse I ride

I'm wanted

Dead or alive

I'm wanted

Dead or alive

Sometimes I sleep

Sometimes it's not for days

The people I meet

Always go their separate ways

Sometimes you tell the day

By the bottle that you drink

And times when you're alone

Well, all you do is think

I'm a cowboy

On a steel horse I ride

- I'm wanted

- Wanted

Dead or alive

- I'm wanted

- Wanted.

Dead or alive

Oh, I ride

I'm a cowboy

On a steel horse I ride

- I'm wanted

- Wanted

Dead or alive

And I walk these streets

A loaded six-string on my back

I play for keeps...

Give me the money!

Open the register and give me

the f***ing money now!

Don't hurt her, son.

Can I get, uh,

10 bucks on pump two, Suzie?

- Hit the floor, a**hole.

- Stay down!

You know, this really pisses me off.

Your store's got such nice,

clean, filtered fresh air and...

it just takes a couple

of scumbags to stink it up.

I said hit the floor, a**hole,

or I'm gonna blow your f***ing head off!

You know, if I had a nickel

for every time

some piece of sh*t pointed a gun at me,

I'd be a rich man.

I'm gonna cut you long,

wide and deep, motor head.

Pump all the gas you can hold.

That's not good business.

Hey, mister. Got a name?

Harley.

Harley Davidson.

You know, my old man used to tell me,

before he left this shitty world,

there's five rules

when shooting a game of pool for cash.

Lesson number one.

Always shoot with a cigarette

hanging in your mouth.

Can't smoke with no fire, a**hole.

I quit.

Lesson two.

Always know the table before you shoot.

Lesson number three.

Make sure you chalk that stick

real good before each shot.

Lesson four.

Never make a bet...

if you can't pay the debt.

Lesson number five.

If you lose...

stand up straight and tall...

that corner...

and walk like a man.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it!

What up, cowboy?

School's out, boys.

You better get the hell out of town,

cowboy, before my cord snaps.

I'm good to go.

Soon as I got five big bills

in my pocket.

And your woman in my bed.

Well, I ain't got no $500, cowboy.

And there's no way in hell

you're bedding down my woman.

My old man said there'd be blue-bellied,

chicken-sh*t bastards like you.

You jumped on the wrong horse, cowboy.

Just in case you didn't notice,

you're the only cowboy in this place.

He ain't no cowboy.

He's more like a pretty boy.

Pretty boy.

Hey, if he's such a pretty boy,

you should be able

to handle him all by yourself.

Together we stand

- Divided we'll fall

- Son of a b*tch.

Pretty boy, huh?

- Whoa!

- And work together...

Well, now, when things go wrong,

as they sometimes will

And the road you drive

is headed straight up a hill

Let's work together...

Let's work together

Because together we will stand,

every boy, girl, woman, and man....

Hey, Marlboro,

when the hell are you gonna learn

to hustle guys you can hustle?

You know, you gotta think things out.

You think, Harley. I survive.

Where the hell you been, anyway?

Fixing bikes.

Little shithole outside of Dallas.

For two years?

- I've been thinking.

- For two years?

I've been thinking about life.

That's the trouble with you, Harley.

You think too damn much.

Man, I hate this city,

but it's home, huh?

It's that time again. Ain't it, Harley?

Well, you're the only

family I got, Marlboro.

God damn, that's a crying shame.

You know, I could've had a family

with Jenny Ann,

but marriage is for those other guys,

you know?

Amen.

Do you ever wonder...

if there could be something better?

Every day.

No, I don't mean like that.

I mean something...

Something different.

Talking about heaven?

I mean like...

I mean like God.

You didn't go and get religious

on me now, did you?

No, man, but just think about it.

If... if there is a...

if there is a heaven and a God...

hey, I'd like to meet the dude.

You know, I'd like to go up there

and hang out with him.

Well, you ain't gonna meet God with me.

When I'm dead and done,

I don't want no damn excuses

for what I did.

Burbank.

What happened?

The future.

You believe it?

They turned Burbank

into a goddamn international airport.

So come on, stop the world

Stop the world

'Cause this is where I get off

- Well, you can all carry on

- Stop the world...

Sh*t.

Son of a b*tch.

You're a God damn mess, Marlboro.

You need a new pair of boots

and a new bike.

Lay off my boots.

But you're right about

this rice-grinding horse.

Sh*t. Piece of sh*t.

I ought to give it a bullet

and put it out of its misery.

God damn, Harley.

If you were shooting for sh*t,

you wouldn't even get a whiff.

Hey.

Happy birthday.

You son of a b*tch.

I almost forgot.

.44 Mag Desert Eagle.

Eight in the clip. One in the pipe.

That's nice, man.

- Thanks.

- How's it feel to be an old man?

Older the bull, the stiffer the horn.

You gotta squeeze the trigger, Harley.

Don't yank it. It's not your dick.

Squeeze it.

All the tears inside

What an ache it will bring...

God, I love this place.

And I will wander home

To a telephone

That forgot how to ring

I could say you'll soon be back, dear

To fool the whole town may be smart

I'll tell them you'll soon be back, dear

But what can I tell my heart?

Hey, old man, half-time's over.

You got a restaurant to run.

Man alive, Harley.

So good to see you.

And I'm gonna regret it. I always do.

Yeah. Who are the suits?

Go back to wherever

it is you ran off to.

I can't do that.

I got some unfinished business.

Some business is better left unfinished.

...all the tears inside

What an ache...

Not this business.

I'll see you around.

Then I'll wander home

To a telephone

Oh, that forgot how to ring

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