He's Just Not That Into You Page #10

GIGI:

You cannot tell from a cursory glance

that he's not interested.

ALEX:

Actually, I can. I manage a restaurant.

I see this stuff go down every night.

Watch --

As if on cue, Tom Cruise Guy BANGS his elbow into the

GIRL, hard, causing her to spill her drink. Tom Cruise

Guy sees, but doesn't acknowledge. Alex looks smug.

GIGI:

Man, you have a gift.

ALEX:

And check out droopy dawg on her other

side. He can buy her drinks all night,

and she'll insist there's no "spark."

GIGI:

Maybe there isn't. You need a spark.

ALEX:

The "spark" thing is bullshit.

GIGI:

Really? Enlighten me.

ALEX:

Guys invented the "spark" so they could

not call and treat you kind of bad and

keep you guessing, and then convince you

that the anxiety and fear that it creates

in you is actually a "spark." And you

all buy it. You love it. You all thrive

on it because you all love drama.

GIGI:

I don't.

ALEX:

Really? So you don't wait until the last

minute on deadlines, or on phone bills,

because you love the drama of not knowing

whether you'll make it?

She's busted.

GIGI:

Maybe.

ALEX:

And let me guess - when you were stalking

Conor that night - were you obsessing

about him calling for days, even though

the date was just kind of mediocre?

GIGI:

OK. Yeah.

ALEX:

See, you thrive on drama. You gotta be

more like me - if a girl likes me great,

if not, there are plenty more like her -

probably with smaller pores and bigger

implants.

GIGI:

That's beautiful.

ALEX:

Thanks.

They continue drinking and observing the scene.

GIGI:

Why are you sharing all this inside

dating information with me again?

ALEX:

I dunno. I like you.

GIGI:

You do?

ALEX:

Don't start doodling my name on your

binder. I just mean, I like you, like I

like basset hounds. They're kinda

pathetic - so you want to cheer them up.

GIGI:

Again with the sensitivity.

Alex smiles at her. Gigi can't help but smile back.

INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - MORNING

Janine walks down the hallway, with JAVIER (40, stocky),

her contractor. She's inspecting the crown molding.

JANINE:

It looks good.

JAVIER:

Yes.

JANINE:

He does good work.

JAVIER:

He's very good.

Janine stops and looks at Javier. He looks back at her.

JANINE:

Javier.

JAVIER:

Yes.

JANINE:

Javier, if I asked you an honest

question, do you think you could give me

an honest answer?

JAVIER:

I think so.

JANINE:

Good. Because I think some of your guys

have been - smoking.

Janine looks at Javier. It's awkwardly silent.

JANINE (CONT'D)

Javier?

JAVIER:

Is that the question?

JANINE:

Yes.

JAVIER:

Oh. It seemed like a statement.

JANINE:

The question part was implied

JAVIER:

I didn't really hear it in the inflection-

JANINE:

Javier - have your guys been smoking or

not?

JAVIER:

No, ma'am. My guys don't smoke on the

job site. They're all good guys.

JANINE:

Are you sure your guys aren't sneaking

around here? And smoking? And lying to

me? And -- smoking?

She's starting to freak Javier out.

JAVIER:

I'm pretty sure.

JANINE:

I need you to be honest with me, Javier.

Because I can't have someone lying to me.

To my face. Under my roof. On my time.

JAVIER:

(very softly)

That's a lot of prepositions...

Janine does not hear him, and barrels on

JANINE:

I mean, there is no reason for that kind

of dishonesty, is there? IS THERE? I

mean, we made promises to one another -

Javier looks at her - what the hell is she talking about?

JANINE (CONT'D)

What I mean is, we had a contract. Which

is like making promises to each other,

right?

JAVIER:

Maybe I should just get back to work.

JANINE:

Yes. Fine. Good idea.

Javier starts to leave.

JANINE (CONT’D)

But, we're good here, right? Me and you?

Blank stare from Javier. Janine slaps on a smile.

JANINE (CONT'D)

Okay, great. The molding really does

look great.

Javier gives a forced smile, and heads back to work.

INT. MT. VERNON ROW HOUSE - DAY

TWO WELL BUILT MEN (SKIP and LARRY) sip from bottles of

Volvic water as they wander through a kitchen, inspecting

the cabinetry. Conor comes into to frame, wearing a

toned down version of his "gay friendly" clothes.

CONOR:

Hello, my name is Conor. Please sign in

whenever you get a chance.

He gestures to a guest book on the kitchen island - next

to which Anna stands. Conor joins her.

ANNA:

This is insane. You're like the Liza

Minelli of real estate.

CONOR:

I know. Your friend Mary's a genius.

The house is TEEMING WITH GAY COUPLES - opening closets,

admiring floors, munching on complimentary cookies.

ANNA:

Alright. Gotta run.

CONOR:

You got a class?

ANNA:

Uh, no. Just some stuff. See you later?

CONOR:

Sure.

Conor goes in for a HUG, but Anna's not ready for it - so

he just ends up grabbing her. It's awkward. She leaves,

Conor tries to play it off, looks around the room.

Skip and Larry look at him sympathetically.

CONOR (CONT'D)

What?

SKIP:

She's holding out on you, isn't she?

CONOR:

I'm not sure I get your meaning.

LARRY:

It's obvious. She won't sleep with you.

It's written all over your puppy dog

face.

Conor looks at them, decides not to fight it.

CONOR:

It's killing me. Literally. I'm dying.

Skip and Larry move closer, Larry grabs a plate.

LARRY:

Here, have a cookie.

CONOR:

I just - I have no idea what she's doing.

I cannot read her signals - at all. We

used to sleep together - all the time.

Well, that’s not true, I don’t know why I

said that, it wasn’t all the time. But

it did happen - I know I’m not making

this up. And then, out of nowhere, it

stops. But she still calls, she stops

by, she sleeps on my couch, she wants a

massage, she leaves cute messages - but

it never goes ANYWHERE. I mean, what is

she doing?

LARRY:

Honestly - we may not have the best

insight. Gay signals have nothing to do

with straight signals.

SKIP:

He's right. Like - here's "I want to

sleep with you".

He looks at Larry. Larry looks back at him. They don't

break their gaze.

LARRY:

One, two, three - that's it. Three

seconds or more - it's on.

SKIP:

Here's "I don't want to sleep with you."

Skip look at Larry again. Larry meets his gaze.

LARRY:

One, two

(he looks away)

No. Thanks for playing. Move along.

SKIP:

It's that simple.

CONOR:

You're right. That's no help at all.

LARRY:

But listen - I can tell you this. Gay or

straight, you're not going to get

anywhere by being inactive. She clearly

likes you - maybe she just wants you to

be a man and do something. So the next

time you're in the position - don't take

no for an answer.

Skip looks at Larry, concerned.

SKIP:

That sounds like felonious advice.

LARRY:

You're right. Let me rephrase. Don't

take maybe for an answer.

Conor takes this in - that's not a bad idea.

INT. ANNA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Cute studio apartment. And Ben is in the bed. Anna

walks in from the bathroom, in a robe. Ben watches her.

BEN:

Wait. Stop.

ANNA:

What?

BEN:

Sh*t. This is bad.

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