He's Just Not That Into You Page #11

ANNA:

What?

BEN:

I am so into you.

Anna BEAMS. She joins him in bed.

BEN (CONT'D)

I'm lying here watching you and I

seriously have never felt this way

before. I have to forcibly make my brain

stop thinking about you. I mean, all the

time.

ANNA:

Why stop?

She looks at Ben. He's not smiling.

BEN:

Because I don't do stuff like this.

ANNA:

Stuff like what?

BEN:

Like having sex with women who are not my

wife.

ANNA:

First of all, I'm not women. I'm just

one.

He waits.

BEN:

What's second of all?

ANNA:

I didn't have a second of all.

BEN:

I thought second of all was going to make

me feel better.

Anna thinks.

ANNA:

Second of all - I can't stop thinking

about you, either.

They look at each other for a LONG MOMENT.

BEN:

I have to tell her.

ANNA:

What?

BEN:

I have to tell her.

Anna's eyes light up, but she tries to cover.

ANNA:

I don't want to push you to -

BEN:

I want to be with you. And I can't do

that if I'm lying to her.

ANNA:

You know what's best.

As Ben pulls her to him, she lets a smile take hold.

FADE TO CHAPTER CARD: ...IF HE'S MARRIED

LOUIS, 60's, with a kind but very wise face, talks to the

camera in his FORMAL DOORMAN attire, standing in front of

a posh Upper East Side building.

LOUIS:

Here’s the thing - my daughter is happily

married with kids and running a tanning

salon on Staten Island. But if she

wasn’t, I’d tell her the same thing I’d

like to tell a lot of the girls that come

in and out of this building on the arm of

a married guy.

(MORE)

LOUIS (CONT'D)

And here is that advice --- get stocks,

cash, annuities, a deed in your name.

Don’t settle for flowers and a shopping

spree at Bendel’s. Think to the future.

We all know that none of these guys is

gonna leave his society wife and let her

keep half the money and the classic eight

on Park Avenue. So, I wanna tell these

young ladies, as long as you only have

the guy for a finite period of time --

get something that can last. Because I

guarantee you - he won’t. And that’s the

best fatherly advice I can give.

INT. RITE AID - DAY

Mary and Anna, in sweats and Ugg boots and dirty hair,

both load their carts with cheap beauty products.

ANNA:

I'm not picking out china patterns or

anything - but I've never felt anything

like this before.

MARY:

This is crazy. I can't believe he's

gonna leave his wife for you.

ANNA:

No, he's not leaving his wife for me.

He's just - he's a good guy. And he

can't really explore what we could be if

he's lying to her.

Mary looks at her.

ANNA (CONT'D)

He's kind of leaving his wife for me. Is

this crazy? This is totally crazy. We

barely know each other.

MARY:

I don't know. Remember Becca, my

sister's friend. Some guy waits on her

at Bennigan's - by the end of the night

they both knew they had found the one.

ANNA:

You're totally right. It can happen.

MARY:

Not for me.

ANNA:

Well, what about texter?

MARY:

Texter has yet to make any verbal

contact. I mean, this guy could have had

surgery that left him without a voice

box, breathing through a stoma, and I'd

never know because I never actually hear

his voice.

ANNA:

I doubt he has a stoma

MARY:

That's not the point. The point is - I

can't text. I'm not charming via text.

My sarcasm doesn't come through, I can't

type fast enough on the little phone

keyboard -

ANNA:

So don't text.

MARY:

It's not just texting. It's email and

voicemail and snail mail

ANNA:

That's just mail

MARY:

Whatever. None of it's working. I've

had a guy leave a voicemail for me at

work, and then I call him back at home,

and he emails me to my Blackberry, and

then I text him to his cell and then he

emails me to my home account from the

plane phone -- and it just totally gets

out of hand. I miss the days where you

had one phone number with one answering

machine that housed one cassette tape and

either the cassette tape had a message

from the guy or it didn't. That's it.

Now you have to go around checking all

your portals and get rejected by seven

different technologies. It's exhausting.

Anna, who is trying a different shade of nail polish on

each finger, calmly looks up at Mary.

ANNA:

So what about the singer guy?

MARY:

Jude. Yeah, I like him.

ANNA:

That's great.

MARY:

Totally. I felt like we connected.

INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Gigi sits on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, eating

graham crackers and watching SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL on

TV. The phone RINGS.

GIGI:

Hello.

INTERCUT WITH:
INT. RED MAPLE - OFFICE - NIGHT

Even in the office we can hear the din of the bar scene.

ALEX:

Oh, hey. You're home.

GIGI:

Where am I supposed to be?

ALEX:

Out. It's Saturday night.

GIGI:

You won't let me go out with guys who

don't like me. It's kind of limiting.

ALEX:

I was just calling to let you know - I'm

having a party at my place next weekend.

You should come.

Gigi considers this.

GIGI:

I don't know. Won't Conor be there?

Might be kinda awkward.

ALEX:

He's in DC for the weekend at some real

estate conference. But there's gonna be

a bunch of single guys.

GIGI:

So I will have plenty of chances to be

awkward. Thank god.

ALEX:

Don't worry. I'll be there. I'll talk

you through it.

Gigi smiles.

GIGI:

So, the party - is it like a big party,

more of a mellow hang or -

A CRASH outside Alex's office.

ALEX:

Yeah, OK. Gotta go - I think someone

just dropped 84 wine glasses.

Gigi hangs up, and goes back to watching her movie.

CLOSE ON:
The TV screen as Mary Stuart Masterson (as

WATTS) and Eric Stoltz (as KEITH) hang out in a garage.

WATTS:

Amanda Jones is no minor leaguer who’ll

be swept off her feet at the touch of

your amateur lips.

KEITH:

I think I can handle it.

WATTS:

It’s cool. I was just gonna work on it

with you but - if you’re

comfortable...great.

KEITH:

Wait. How do you work on it?

WATTS:

Pretend I’m a girl, OK? I mean, pretend

I’m her...Amanda.

Gigi sits up. A light bulb has gone off. As she watches

Keith and Watts kiss on screen, a smile crosses her face.

INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Gigi blows in, dumps her things and turns to Janine:

GIGI:

He's into me.

JANINE:

Awesome. I knew it.

(she hugs Gigi)

Who's this now?

GIGI:

Alex. It's totally clear to me now.

He's Watts.

JANINE:

What?

GIGI:

From Some Kind of Wonderful.

JANINE:

Wait, isn't Mary Stuart Masterson Watts?

GIGI:

Yes.

JANINE:

So, why aren't you Watts?

GIGI:

I'm Eric Stoltz.

JANINE:

What?

GIGI:

Alex is Watts because Watts helps Eric

Stoltz go on a date with Amanda Jones,

but really she's in love with Eric Stoltz

herself.

JANINE:

Wait - so who's Amanda Jones?

GIGI:

I guess Conor at first. Now men in

general. But that's not the point. The

point is -- he's into me.

JANINE:

You know, I knew there had to be a reason

he was spending all that time with you.

GIGI:

I know! It's so obvious now -- there are

so many signs.

JANINE:

Oooh, gimme the signs. I love to hear

about the signs.

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