He's Just Not That Into You Page #14

Alex gets up off the couch.

ALEX:

And why would you think that, exactly?

GIGI:

Because there were - you know - signs.

ALEX:

Really? Like what?

GIGI:

Ummm - it was good to hear from me. You

talked to me even when you were with a

girl. I felt something...

She trails off. Alex is not pleased.

ALEX:

What are you talking about? What have I

been saying since I met you? If a guy

wants to date you HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

HE WILL ASK YOU OUT. DID I ASK YOU OUT?

GIGI:

(softly)

No.

ALEX:

Why would you do this?

GIGI:

I thought you were Watts.

Alex doesn't even hear her.

ALEX:

Why do women do this? Why do they build

this stuff up in their minds, take each

little thing a guy does and twist it into

something else --

Gigi stands there, embarrassed, taking Alex's berating.

GIGI:

I'd rather be like that - than like you.

ALEX:

Excuse me?

GIGI:

Maybe I dissect each little thing, and

put myself out there too much, and maybe

I even thrive on the drama of it all--

but at least that means I still care.

You think you've won because women are

expendable to you? Sure, you don't get

hurt or make an ass of yourself that way,

but you don't fall in love that way,

either. You haven't won, Alex. You're

alone.

Gigi grabs her bag.

GIGI (CONT’D)

I may do a lot of stupid sh*t - but I

know I'm a lot closer to finding someone

than you are.

Gigi turns and heads out the door.

INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Gigi looks at the phone, and then finally DIALS.

GIGI:

Hey Janine, I'm sorry it's so late, but I

just - don't start picking out your

bridesmaid dress, OK? I know this isn't

the first time this has happened, it's

just - this one wasn't about whether he

liked me. I just really liked him.

Gigi hangs up, lays on the bed, snaps off the light.

INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - DAY

Ken Murphy, Beth's dad, lies in bed, in a Notre Dame

sweatshirt, with papers, and books surrounding him. Beth

clears his breakfast dishes off of the bed.

BETH:

You want anything else?

KEN:

Yeah. Less of that cardboardy brown

stuff. More regular people food.

BETH:

The cardboardy brown stuff is called

whole grain bread.

KEN:

Maybe you could just fry me up a couple

sausage links?

BETH:

People who have just had heart attacks

generally are not advised to eat animal

fat, stuffed in synthetic casings.

Ken looks at her, with a wry smile.

KEN:

Did I tell you that you're not only my

favorite daughter, but you're also the

prettiest? So much better looking than

those other dogs. Seriously.

BETH:

It's not gonna work this time. But I

appreciate the effort.

Beth takes his dirty dishes and heads for the door.

INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - DEN - SAME

Beth hauls the dishes downstairs and through the den

where Steven, Laura's husband, is on the couch, intently

watching the golf channel.

STEVEN:

Hey, Beth. Grab me a beer if you're

going that way?

Beth rolls her eyes.

STEVEN (CONT'D)

And a little plate of cold cuts if there

are any left?

Beth just keeps on walking.

INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME

Beth walks by Paige, on the couch, and DEVON, Paige's new

husband, on the floor, surrounded by a mess of VINYL

RECORDS. He has an old BOBBY DARIN tune BLARING.

BETH:

You might wanna kill the volume just a

smidge. My mom is finally taking a nap.

DEVON:

You think your dad really wants to hang

on to all this vinyl? My collection

could use a bunch of these.

BETH:

Turn it the f*** down.

Both Devon and Paige look at her, stunned.

INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME

The kitchen is a total MESS. Beth sets the dishes down

in a precarious pile of other dishes, and sees her

sisters Laura and Catherine at the kitchen table.

BETH:

I finally got mom to lay down in the

spare room. All we have left to eat is

some old jelly and ramen noodles, so

after I tackle some of these dishes,

maybe we can go to the store. Our new

brother is trying to co-opt dad's

property before he's even dead.

(MORE)

BETH (CONT'D)

And Laura, your husband would really like

a beer to go with his fifth consecutive

hour of the golf channel.

Beth looks up. Laura is pointing to Catherine, who has

her head in her hands. She's CRYING SOFTLY.

BETH (CONT'D)

It's OK. It's all gonna be OK.

CATHERINE:

What am I gonna do without dad?

BETH:

First of all, he's upstairs watching

'Oprah After The Show'.

LAURA:

And second of all - you have us.

CATHERINE:

But he's always been - the one who's

there for me.

BETH:

What about your husband? Where the hell

is he?

CATHERINE:

Playing ultimate frisbee. His team may

make the quarterfinals.

Beth rolls her eyes. The DISHES crash in the sink.

INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Janine sits at Beth's desk, across from Gigi, who stares

at her in disbelief. Janine fiddles with a TILE SAMPLE.

GIGI:

Do you know who it is?

JANINE:

(shaking her head "no")

It doesn't matter.

GIGI:

So are you going to - leave - him?

JANINE:

Gigi, he's my husband. He's not just

some guy that didn't call me back. And

he did admit it to me. He didn't wait to

get caught. That takes courage.

Gigi is clearly STUNG.

JANINE (CONT'D)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I know

Alex was not just some guy.

GIGI:

It's OK.

JANINE:

It's my fault, you know.

GIGI:

What?

JANINE:

I'm willing to accept my responsibility

in this. I forced him into getting

married. He wasn't ready.

GIGI:

Janine - this is not your fault.

JANINE:

It is. I've - changed. I used to be

fun. I was fun when we met.

GIGI:

You're still fun.

A BEAT. Janine looks at Gigi, the tears come.

JANINE:

We never have sex anymore.

GIGI:

Lots of couples got through lulls.

JANINE:

No. We never have sex. Realistically,

what did I expect him to do?

GIGI:

I don't think that's really -

She looks down at the TILE in her hand.

JANINE:

This is too small. I gotta tell Javier.

GIGI:

What?

JANINE:

This tile. I gotta go. Tell Beth I took

a personal day.

Janine grabs her purse, heads out as Gigi looks on.

FADE TO CARD:
...IF HE'S SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE

MARIEL (50’s, highly manicured, upper class type) sits on

a yacht in what looks to be the French Riviera.

MARIEL:

My first husband was unimpressive. I

found him in bed with his big breasted

secretary when I came home early from the

Maldives. So unoriginal, it made me feel

sorry for him. My second husband was a

pinch more creative. Cheated on me with

my sister - but made me believe that I

was insane for being suspicious. At last

- some intrigue, some mind games - though

my sister’s two year old eventually gave

them up. But my last husband -- he was a

gem. A veritable master at covering his

tracks. I poured over his phone records,

intercepted his credit card bills, had

him followed on countless occasions - and

never found a single shred of evidence.

It wasn’t until he died that I found out

about the property he owned with his

Austrian mistress. But the real master,

I have to say -- is me. Three husbands --

countless boyfriends, and I haven’t been

caught yet.

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