He's Just Not That Into You Page #5

who knew someone who dated a dipshit just

like mine, and that girl ended up getting

married and living happily ever after.

But that's the exception. And we're not

the exception - we're the rule.

Gigi sits down, spent. But Beth has been listening.

BETH:

OK. So let me see if I understand. What

you're saying is that when people tell me

about some girl they know who dated a guy

for thirteen years, and then he finally

married her -- that's the exception. And

the rule is that guys - like Neil - who

are with girls - like me - for seven

years without getting married - are never

getting married.

Beth is serious. Gigi freezes, tries to backtrack.

GIGI:

No. No, no, no. That's not what I'm

saying. This has absolutely nothing to

do with you. I was just talking, you

know, about me. Specifically.

Off Beth, knowing it's about her, too.

INT. SASSY NAILS - EVENING

Anna and MARY, beautiful but doesn't know it, sit in side

by side pedicure chairs. Anna holds a BUSINESS CARD.

ANNA:

It is impossible not to like this guy.

I'm pretty sure he was heavily flirting

with me outside Eddie's, and then he

tells me he's married. You'd think I'd

be pissed, but I literally could not stop

myself from liking him.

MARY:

But he's married.

ANNA:

I realize that. I keep trying to force

myself to picture him in some church

saying vows to some woman, and even that

doesn't cool it off. What is my problem?

MARY:

OK. There was this guy who worked in my

dad's printing business. Married for

fifteen years to a nice lady. And then

he meets this woman at some church event.

And he told my dad he just had never felt

anything like it before. I mean, he had

finally met the love of his life. So, he

divorced his wife, and he's been with

this other woman for 22 years and they

are blissfully happy. I mean, what if

you meet the love of your life - but you

already married someone else? Are you

supposed to pass them by?

ANNA:

You're right. I'm calling him.

Anna pulls her feet out of the pedicure bath, goes in a

private corner, and dials her cell phone.

ANNA (CONT'D)

Hey, Ben. This is Anna Marks.

BEN (O.S.)

Hey, Anna. What's up?

ANNA:

Well, I was just taking you up on your

offer. You said you might know someone

who could help me out and I thought we

could discuss it -- over coffee?

Anna waits for a response. On the other end she hears

some rustling, some silence, definitely awkwardness.

BEN (O.S.)

Look, I just...I can’t Anna. You seem

great. It’s just - I don’t know. I

should go. Take care.

Anna takes this in - STUNNED. She hangs up. Her eyes

sting. She can't face Mary so she just stares at weird,

bleached out photos of nails and HOLDS BACK THE TEARS.

Finally, she looks at her cell phone and dials again.

INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT

Conor opens the door to find Anna standing there.

CONOR:

I am so psyched that you called.

ANNA:

Cool.

CONOR:

I had sort of given up on you when you

didn't call me back the other night.

ANNA:

Well, you know. I was just thinking

about you.

Conor buys it, and ushers her inside.

INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT

Anna is stretched out with a wine glass in hand, feet in

Conor’s lap. He rubs her feet as they talk.

ANNA:

Your turn.

CONOR:

OK. Give me the categories again.

ANNA:

There are four. Sexy, smart, funny or

cute. And each person can only be two.

Like Sarah Jessica Parker is funny and

sexy. Or Bill Clinton is sexy and smart.

CONOR:

I love that you are hot for Clinton.

ANNA:

So, which am I?

CONOR:

What was I again?

ANNA:

Smart and cute.

Conor smiles, happy for any compliment.

CONOR:

OK. You’re sexy. Very sexy. And cute.

She bangs him on the head with a pillow.

ANNA:

No. Cute and sexy are in the looks

column. No one wants to be in all one

column.

CONOR:

Well, I sound like a jackass if I say

you’re all four. But you’re so obviously

all four. Especially sexy.

ANNA:

You’re the best.

Anna sits up, and moves to Conor. She looks at him,

pulls him in for a nice, long HUG.

ANNA (CONT'D)

I better go.

CONOR:

Oh. OK. I mean, you could just stay

here tonight.

Anna gives him a knowing look.

CONOR (CONT’D)

What? It’s been a while.

ANNA:

I know. It’s just - I’m fried. Is that

alright?

CONOR:

Sure. Of course.

Anna smiles and gets up. Conor reluctantly follows her

to the door. She KISSES HIM ON THE LIPS, smiles, and

leaves.

INT. WESTSIDE LOFT - NIGHT

Beth opens the door to find NEIL, standing on the couch

in his socks, hanging a PAINTING.

NEIL:

Hey babe, is this straight?

BETH:

Why are you hanging that?

NEIL:

I told you I'd do it weeks ago. You

don't like it there?

BETH:

I love it there. But just - stop.

NEIL:

It's the image, isn't it? I didn't see

it before, but - you're right - it

totally looks like a sagging boob.

Beth is silent.

NEIL (CONT'D)

You want me to take it down?

BETH:

No. I want you stop doing anything nice.

NEIL:

Is this a trick?

BETH:

No. I need you to stop being nice to me -

unless you're gonna marry me after.

Neil laughs.

BETH (CONT'D)

Is that funny?

NEIL:

No. It was just - I was just-

BETH:

See, you can't keep being nice to me and

I can't keep pretending like this is

something that it's not. We've been

together over seven years. You know me.

You either want to marry me or you don't.

NEIL:

Or there is the possibility that I just

don't really believe in the concept of

BETH:

BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! Bullshit for every

woman who's been told by some guy that he

doesn't believe in marriage just to see

him turn around eight months later and

marry some twenty four year old girl he

met at the gym. Bullshit.

Beth tries to hold back her tears. Neil looks stunned.

He hops down off the couch and goes to her.

NEIL:

Honey, where is all this coming from?

BETH:

From the place that I have been hiding

from you for the last five years because

I didn't want to seem demanding, or

clingy or psycho or whatever. So I never

ask. But now I'm going to --

Neil looks at her. She looks at him.

BETH (CONT'D)

Are you ever going to marry me?

Beth looks at Neil. There is a long, painful SILENCE.

BETH (CONT'D)

I can't do this anymore.

She walks out of the room.

FADE TO CHAPTER CARD: ... IF HE'S NOT MARRYING YOU

AMY sits with a sleeping baby in her arms.

AMY:

I was with Damon for six years. He asked

me to marry him on the phone, because

he's just so different and cool like

that. Said he'd eventually get me a

ring, which he didn't, but he did buy

himself a ring because isn't that so

hilarious and cool that the guy is

wearing the ring? Then, my favorite part

is, I stayed with him even after he took

back his proposal, and introduced the

idea of a "relation vacation." Isn't

that a cute name? Let me explain the

concept:
it involves dating a girl from

the time she's thirty two to the time

she's thirty nine, possibly robbing her

of the ability to bear children, and

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